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December 2, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review March 14, 2008 / 7 Adar II 5768

The Yanks Are Coming

By Greg Crosby


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The next time I write this column something will be missing. Actually two things will be missing. After tomorrow I will no longer be whole. Tomorrow I'm having my upper and lower wisdom teeth removed on the right side. At 8:A.M. they are scheduled to be pulled out of my head by their roots. Yes, the yanks are coming, most definitely. And am I having a traumatic time over this thing? You bet your eye teeth I am.

There are a couple of reasons why this thing is troubling me so much, besides just the very idea of having one's teeth pulled out. One thing that bothers me is the fact that these teeth have been with me for most of my life. That's over 50 years or so - a long relationship by any measure. I've gotten quite attached to the little guys back there. We've chewed a lot of fat together. They've been with me through thick and thin, feast and famine, sweet and sour, hot and cold. And they've never let me down - chewing up everything I threw at them.

The other reason that I'm particularly bothered by this is the fact that these two teeth just happen to be in great shape! No cavities, no fillings, they're perfect. The problem is, the gum is receding away from the tooth, and because of that, food particles can get lodged and cause infection. It's like the old joke, "Your teeth are fine, but those gums have to be removed." So my man Manny the dentist says those teeth have got to go. Out, out, damn tooth. Or rather teeth.

It's funny what thoughts go through my mind at times like this. I wondered whether the removal of those two big back teeth on the right side would throw my whole face out of whack. There're pretty big teeth, after all, so maybe the lack of that weight on one side will set me off balance or something - like make my head list to the right. That would be pretty weird looking.

What if taking those teeth out will cause my jaw to sag or look like it's caved in on one side? Maybe I should have had all four wisdom teeth pulled so that both sides of my face will match. And what will this do to my speech? Will I sound like Walter Brennan when he played those moronic outlaws without his teeth? Or will I only sound like him on one side of my mouth?

I've had those two back teeth all my life and I know I'm going to miss them. My tongue will grope longingly for them, searching, searching in vain for its little friends, the wisdom teeth twins. But they will be gone, gone forever. And my poor, stupid tongue won't understand. Like in Bambi when his father, the stag, told him, "Your mother can't be with you anymore," my tongue will just have to live with the fact that those two teeth can't be with him anymore, either. Isn't this a sad story?

Manny won't be performing the honors; he referred me to a special dentist that will be doing this. A guy who specializes in tearing the teeth out of people's heads. He's a dentist who specializes in oral and maxillofacial surgery, to be precise. And the best part, I'm going to be out cold, knocked out completely. That's exactly the way I want it - I don't want to know from nothin' during this procedure. Sit down, go to sleep, wake up, go home. That's it.

The funny thing is I was supposed to have had this done a week ago. I went into the office right on time, filled out all the necessary and unnecessary paperwork, sat and waited a few minutes until I was ushered into the little room with the uncomfortable little chair. The dentist came in, introduced himself, asked me a gang of questions, then left. Soon the assistant came in and put the smock around my neck and said, "So, you haven't eaten in the last 6 hours, right?"

"Wrong," I said. "I had lunch." The assistant said, "Uh, oh," or something close to that, then excused herself from the room. Soon the dentist came back and told me that they couldn't perform the extraction that day because I wasn't supposed to eat for at least 6 hours. Nobody had told me that beforehand. So home I went.

Now I'm due to have the procedure first thing in the morning, and there shouldn't be any further delays with this thing. But you never know. If for any reason things don't go as planned, I will certainly let you all know about it. Yes, dear readers, you will be the first to know. Well, actually, my tongue will be the first to know, you will be second.

A final thought. If I have my wisdom teeth removed will I start thinking like a liberal Democrat?

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.


JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California, you may contact him by clicking here.

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© 2006, Greg Crosby

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