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Jewish World Review
Feb. 9, 2007
/ 21 Shevat 5767
A few interesting news items popped up this week that I'd like to share with you. Some are laughable, some are stupid, and some are a little spooky. All of them are true.
In the "It Figures" department, former Vice President Al Gore was nominated for the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize for "his wide-reaching efforts to draw the world's attention to the dangers of global warming," a Norwegian lawmaker announced. Boerge Brende, a former minister of environment and then of trade, joined with Heidi Soerensen of the Socialist Left Party to nominate Gore. The winner will be announced in mid-October. This makes the second award that Gore has been nominated for this year, the first being an Academy Award.
Should Gore win the Nobel, he will join the prestigious ranks of past winners and moral giants such as former President Jimmy Carter and dead terrorist Yasser Arafat. Nice club to be a member of, eh? I have every confidence that Al Gore would fit right in, living up to the high ideals of those mighty men of peace.
Who knows if Gore will actually win the Nobel Peace Prize, but there is one thing I can pretty much guarantee - he is definitely going to win the Academy Award for Best Documentary this year. There's no way he can lose. The far left elites of the movie business have been dying to give someone from the Clinton administration an Oscar for years and now, at last, they have their chance. Sure, they would have rather given the Oscar to ol' Bill himself, but he hasn't made a movie - not yet, anyway. And Hillary has been a bad little girl since she hasn't publicly apologized for voting for the Iraqi war. So Gore will have to do.
File this next one under the "things nobody needs" department. Dr. Robert Bohannon, a molecular scientist, says he's figured out how to add caffeine to baked goods -- without the bitter after taste you find in coffee. So they've come up with the first caffeinated donut. Each one of these high octane pastries is the equivalent of two cups of coffee.
At last, you won't have to dunk your donut into a cup of coffee anymore - it's self-contained caffeine. I guess this is the perfect solution for people who have time to grab a donut, but no time to pour a cup of coffee. I can see it now - Krispy Kaffeine. Now you can get your caffeine and sugar fixes all in one handy little package. Jelly donuts with a jolt. Pastry with a punch. Plus all those calories, too. Just what the world has been waiting for - wired fat people.
Now let's move on into the musical portion of our program. The AP repo
rts that at the Democratic National Committee's winter meeting last week in Washington, the presidential candidates who spoke got to choose their own "theme songs." Some candidates requested two songs, one that played as they approached the stage and another that played as they left the podium. The selections were the following:
John Edwards: "This Is Our Country" by John Mellencamp.
Sen. Chris Dodd of Connecticut: "Get Ready (Cause Here I Come)" by the Temptations and "Reach Out," also by the Temptations.
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York: "Right Here, Right Now," by Jesus Jones and "Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.
Rep. Dennis Kucinich of Ohio: "America the Beautiful"
Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois decided against using any music in keeping with the somber tone he sought to convey.
Wesley Clark, who hasn't indicated whether he will run, entered to Johnny Cash's "I Won't Back Down."
My choices of tunes for the candidates would have been a little different. I might have chosen "Stand By Your Man" for Hillary, or maybe "I am Woman Hear Me Roar." I would have chosen "Pop Goes the Weasel" for John Edwards. "To Dream the Impossible Dream," for Chris Dodd. "Mellow Yellow" would have been my pick for John Kerry if he had decided to run. The munchkin song from the Wizard of Oz, "We Represent the Lollypop Guild" for Dennis Kucinich.
Joe Biden's song has to be "What Can I Say after I've Said I'm Sorry." And Barack Obama's theme song, of course, must be "Mr. Wonderful." Or judging from the media's fawning, maybe even, "What Child Is This?"
The Washington Times reports that "Jane Fonda must have rummaged around in her attic before attending the Jan. 27th anti-war rally on the National Mall" in Washington D.C. It seems that photos taken of her at that event show her wearing a large white button with the emblem and name, "Vietnam Veterans Against the War," (the group that accused American servicemen of routinely committing atrocities in Vietnam). Hanoi Jane is reliving her youth and she hasn't changed a bit. But maybe it's time for a name change. Jihad Jane would be a more appropriate moniker now, I think.
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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California, you may contact him by clicking here.
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© 2006, Greg Crosby