In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Feb. 2, 2007 / 14 Shevat 5767

Stupid While Driving

By Greg Crosby

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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | A new survey has come out. Seems new surveys are always coming out on one thing or another. If there's anything we all can depend on in this world, besides death and taxes, it's that new surveys will come out. But I digress. So anyway this "new survey" has come out, according to Reuters, which shows that people driving their cars are doing other things while they're driving. Why is this news? I guess the folks at Reuters don't get out much.

According to the survey, 81 percent of Americans do more than drive when they're behind the wheel. Gee, I would have guessed the percentage to be more like 99.99. In other words, everybody but me. But you know me, so old-fashioned that when I get behind the wheel of a car, all I do is drive the thing. Driving without doing anything else at the same time is so yesterday, isn't it? I'm such a fuddy duddy that I not only don't multitask, I don't even like to use the word. But I digress again.

The survey conducted by Nationwide Mutual Insurance shows that more than eight out of 10 people said they adjust the radio or music while they drive, while 73 percent talk on the phone, 68 percent eat, 19 percent send text messages and 5 percent checked their e-mail. And many more it seems use their cars as bathrooms on wheels with 19 percent fixing their hair, 12 percent putting on makeup and 2 percent shaving while at the controls of a car. But wait — you aint' heard nothin' yet. It gets better.

Drivers in the survey also admitted to changing seats with passengers, watching a movie, painting their toenails, nursing a baby and putting in contact lenses while driving. This is what these geniuses ADMITTED to doing. Can you imagine what other stuff they WOULDN'T admit to? I can — and I don't even want to go there in this column.

Let's analyze this a minute. Painting your toenails while driving a car? Forget about safety issues — how do you even physically do that? I guess it's not always easy out there for an imbecile. Then we have the mommies nursing their babies while driving. That's brilliant. Oh, I know, I know — I must be some kind of a woman-hating, male chauvinist to find fault with a woman's right to nurse anywhere she wants — even while zipping along the San Diego Freeway at 75 MPH. How insensitive of me.

Younger drivers multitask the most, the survey found, with 35 percent of 18-to-27-year-olds saying they always multitask in the car, compared to 21 percent of baby boomers. Interestingly, car accidents are the number one cause of death for Americans aged 18 to 27. Gee, what a coincidence. I wonder why. Could it be that putting on makeup while text messaging your boyfriend on your cell, while sipping your mocha latte, while making an illegal U-turn on a busy street is perhaps DANGEROUS? Hmmm.

In all fairness, I must say that the problem is not only with younger drivers. I have seen older drivers doing things other than simply driving their cars too. Driving while drinking Metamucil is just not safe at any speed. The same could be said for using a blood pressure cuff in cross town traffic. And afternoon catnaps should definitely be done only in the privacy of one's home, not behind the wheel of an automobile.

Of the 1,200 drivers between the ages of 18 and 60 that were surveyed, 83 percent believe they are safe drivers, while at the same time, 38 percent admitted they have driven a certain distance without any recollection of doing so. Which only goes to prove how well these people can "multitask" — they can be stupid, narcissistic, and completely delusional all at the same time.

Here's a question. If these geniuses can do so many things while driving, if they can talk on the phone and drive, if they can eat and drive, if they can paint their toenails and drive, how come they find it so difficult to use their turn signals and drive at the same time? Answer that one and you may just have the key to all the mysteries of the universe.

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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California, you may contact him by clicking here.

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© 2006, Greg Crosby