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Jewish World Review
January 16, 2009
/ 20 Teves 5769
Do you ever wonder about silly, trivial stuff? Not major things, like life or death or war or peace, but small irritating stuff. Like why do the weathermen on TV have names that sound like the weather? Johnny Mountain, Dallas Rains are two examples of local West Coast weathermen with weather names. And I think there was a guy named Storm on the East coast, no kidding. Don't try and tell me that these are the real names for these guys. No way. Right, just a crazy coincidence that the guy doing weather is named Bobby Mudslide. I'm surprised there isn't a weatherman called Jack Frost. Maybe there is some place.
And now there are lots of new young girlies doing the weather on the local stations. I don't know how many of them are meteorologists or how much they really know about climate and weather, but they know one thing - they know how to stand in front of a map so you can't read the temperatures that are printed on it. They don't have weather-sounding names, but they all dress in tight-fitting, cling-y outfits. These babes look like they're auditioning for the Marisa Tomei part in "My Cousin Vinny."
Ever wonder why they need two anchor people to sit in front of the camera and read the news? Why can't you just have one person do it? For the longest time the big thing on all the local stations was to have a man and a woman sharing the anchor. Then it changed to one man of one color and one woman of another color. Now the trend seems to be two women anchors. Have you noticed that most of the field reporters now are young women? What happened to the guys? Staying home with the kids, I guess.
If you were from another planet and came to earth and put on the television to the Fox News Channel, you'd assume that all the lawyers in America are young blonde women. Where do they all come from? All of Fox's legal pundits are glamorous-looking babes. Does the station send out a casting call for beautiful long-haired blonde attorneys? Now, don't get me wrong, I'd rather look at a cute little blonde talking the law then some slimy, swarthy, shyster defense attorney with a thousand dollar haircut, wearing a jewel encrusted watch and a five-thousand dollar designer suit.
And speaking of sleazebags, how is it that a mega-crook like Bernard Madoff doesn't go to jail after pulling off the biggest Ponzi scheme in history that cost investors BILLIONS of dollars? A federal judge refused prosecutors' requests to jail Madoff after he violated a court order by mailing more than $1 million worth of valuables to friends and family members. Obviously this crook is getting his family and friends to stash his valuables away for him, out of the sight and grasp of the public and prosecutors. Why isn't this goniff in prison? Why aren't all his assets being seized and liquidated to pay back a portion of what he stole from all those people and charitable organizations? Yeah, at the risk of showing my super-cynical side again, I guess its all about who you know, who you grease, and who you have the goods on. Bums like this guy always get away with it. It's just too damn true and too damn bad.
On a lighter note, ever wonder what the last words were of some famous people? We've all heard of "famous last words" and I found these on the web. Who knows how true any of them are, but you've got to admit, they're fun to read, in any case.
Bob Hope: "Surprise me."
Bing Crosby: "That was a great game of golf, fellers"
Conrad Hilton, when asked if he had any last words of wisdom for the world: "Leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub."
William Saroyan: "Everybody has got to die, but I have always believed an exception would be made in my case. Now what?"
Thomas Edison: "It is very beautiful over there."
Humphrey Bogart: "I never should have switched form scotch to martinis."
Eugene O'Neill: "I knew it. I knew it. Born in a hotel room, and G-d damn it, died in a hotel room."
Ludwig van Beethoven: "Friends applaud, the comedy is finished."
P.T. Barnum: "How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?"
And with that, I give you my last words for this week's column. "Have a good week, dear readers!"
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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California, you may contact him by clicking here.
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