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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Dec. 26, 2006 / 5 Teves, 5767

No more new wheat thins! (and other resolutions for the food industry)

By Lenore Skenazy


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Ever dunked a cookie into a cup of hot chocolate a split second too long? Of course you have. Maybe you're doing it right now. (Check!) Either way, you know what you end up with: A contaminated drink with a cookie stub hovering above its own disintegrated body.


This is an experience you'd want to repeat?


Well, apparently someone in corporate marketing thinks so, because now you can buy S'mores-flavored Nesquik, the world's first drink engineered to taste like an after-school snack accident. By comparison, Mini Marshmallow Nesquik sounds like Dom Perignon.


On the other hand, Nesquik isn't nearly as disturbing as the new Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts. Raw dough inside a baked tart. I don't even get how that is possible.


So, as a new year approaches and we all get busy making resolutions, this seems a perfect time for some:


RESOLUTIONS FROM THE PEOPLE WHO COME UP WITH NEW FOODS


We, the country's strange and unseen food consultants, do solemnly pledge:


This coming year, we will not add sour cream 'n' onion flavoring to anything else. Not to a baked version of a previously fried snack, not to a trans-fat free version of a previously baked snack, not to nothin'. We are fully aware that just opening a container of sour cream 'n' onion anything makes the whole room smell like a frat house where not one of the so-called "brothers" was willing to wash out the dip bowl. There it sits. So adios to sour cream 'n' onion.


Note: We did not promise anything about sour cream 'n' chives!


OK. OK. No sour cream 'n' chives, either.


This is the year we will also stop fiddling with Wheat Thins. There is simply nothing left for us to do with them. We've done parmesan/basil, "harvest garden vegetable" (and any other word we could throw in to conjure up the kind of farm-fresh food this isn't), and we've done ranch, of course, and honey (never hurts to make a food sweeter!). We've even done Big Wheat Thins, which look like something you're supposed to put in your shoe. So, frankly, we're done. If you don't like the Wheat Thins there on the shelf, you're not going to like any new ones we can dream up. Try a Ritz.


But don't expect any new weird Ritz shapes, either! Even WE are embarrassed by Ritz Sticks, which claim to help "dip, dunk, scoop." Like the round ones were so impossible to maneuver? Like they weren't the best-selling cracker in human history? No new shapes!


No new blue kiddie drinks, either. Promise. Kids lose all aesthetic appeal when their lips get blue. We see that.


Nor will we add pomegranate to any drinks, even though, frankly, we could sell pomegranate milk at this point. Pomegranates are the new sour cream 'n' onion. (NOTE TO BOSS: Sour cream 'n' onion milk in '08?)


Finally, we will refrain from giving diet and health foods the kind of scrumptious names that make people fly out of the organic aisle and drive straight to the Butterfat Hut. So no more chocolate pecan pie diet shakes. Ditto, caramel nut brownie fiber bars.


We will strive to make only responsible brand extensions in the coming year.


Unless the folks at Coke want to talk graham cracker crumbs. With lime.

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© 2006, Creators Syndicate

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