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May 24, 2012
Jeff Jacoby: The peace process battered Israel's reputation
Michael Muskal: 'Pro-choice' position hits record low, according to poll
Chris Farrell: Are We in a Tech Bubble?
The Kosher Gourmet by Penelope Wall: PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS --- hold the steak!
May 23, 2012
Tony Pugh: More private colleges offering tuition discounts
Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You
Tina Susman: The wig wasn't enough: Man gets 13 years for posing as his dead mom
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right
May 22, 2012
Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide
Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili
May 21, 2012
Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks
Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security?
Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy?
Guy Jackson : Victim's father regrets death of Lockerbie bomber
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: Famed chef's veal shoulder farsumagru: A festive meat course for late spring
May 18, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: Striving: The People of the Book's Book for (All of) the People
Steven Goldberg: 5 Great Stock Picks and the Exchange-Traded Fund that Owns Them
Mary Pickett, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Don't be forced into gluten-free lifestyle based merely on a doctor's false-positive test
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: DIY healthy lunchbox treats: HOMEMADE FRUIT BARS for kids and brown-bagging adults alike
May 17, 2012
Warren Richey: Teacher fired for being unwed and pregnant can sue religious school, court rules
Josh Mitnick: Netanyahu's 'centrist' coalition is already proving it's anything but
Steven Goldberg: Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Amina Khan: Research links coffee to lower death rates
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Duran : Cheesy Potato Breakfast Casserole with Cheddar and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
May 16, 2012
Carmen Terzic, M.D., Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: A variety of exercises can help improve balance
Melissa Healy: National strategy on Alzheimer's disease aims to halt it by 2025
The Kosher Gourmet by Joyce White : GOODNESS GRACIOUS: GREENS! 4 winning recipes that are no longer just for down-home folks (Includes expert tips & techniques)
May 15, 2012
Kristen Chick: Obama administration resumes arms sales to Bahrain despite serious unresolved human rights issues. Activists feel abandoned
Pat Mertz Esswein: Homes are now affordable again and mortgage rates are low. What you need to know before you buy
Kathy Kristof: Our Practical Investor Fights Inflation with These 6 Investments
Sue Hubbard, M.D.: The Kid's Doctor: Lactose intolerant young child? Check again
The Kosher Gourmet by Kathy Hunt: Spread a Little Excitement with EXOTIC CONDIMENTS (4 RECIPES)
May 14, 2012
Lisa Gerstner: How to Protect Your Identity, Finances If You Lose Your Phone
Harvard Health Letters: Heart disease and dementia
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: MANGO COCONUT OAT MORNING MUFFINS are a bright but hearty delight
May 11, 2012
Jessica L. Anderson: Get the Best Deal on a Used Car
Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli
The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON
May 10, 2012
Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square
Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity
Jeff Bertolucci: Get Home Phone Service for Less Than $10 a Month
The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare
May 9, 2012
Sharon Palmer, R.D. How you can reduce your risk -- or delay -- chronic diseases associated with aging
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Jewish World Review
Dec. 26, 2006
/ 5 Teves, 5767
No more new wheat thins! (and other resolutions for the food industry)
By
Lenore Skenazy
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Ever dunked a cookie into a cup of hot chocolate a split second too long? Of course you have. Maybe you're doing it right now. (Check!) Either way, you know what you end up with: A contaminated drink with a cookie stub hovering above its own disintegrated body.
This is an experience you'd want to repeat?
Well, apparently someone in corporate marketing thinks so, because now you can buy S'mores-flavored Nesquik, the world's first drink engineered to taste like an after-school snack accident. By comparison, Mini Marshmallow Nesquik sounds like Dom Perignon.
On the other hand, Nesquik isn't nearly as disturbing as the new Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts. Raw dough inside a baked tart. I don't even get how that is possible.
So, as a new year approaches and we all get busy making resolutions, this seems a perfect time for some:
RESOLUTIONS FROM THE PEOPLE WHO COME UP WITH NEW FOODS
We, the country's strange and unseen food consultants, do solemnly pledge:
This coming year, we will not add sour cream 'n' onion flavoring to anything else. Not to a baked version of a previously fried snack, not to a trans-fat free version of a previously baked snack, not to nothin'. We are fully aware that just opening a container of sour cream 'n' onion anything makes the whole room smell like a frat house where not one of the so-called "brothers" was willing to wash out the dip bowl. There it sits. So adios to sour cream 'n' onion.
Note: We did not promise anything about sour cream 'n' chives!
OK. OK. No sour cream 'n' chives, either.
This is the year we will also stop fiddling with Wheat Thins. There is simply nothing left for us to do with them. We've done parmesan/basil, "harvest garden vegetable" (and any other word we could throw in to conjure up the kind of farm-fresh food this isn't), and we've done ranch, of course, and honey (never hurts to make a food sweeter!). We've even done Big Wheat Thins, which look like something you're supposed to put in your shoe. So, frankly, we're done. If you don't like the Wheat Thins there on the shelf, you're not going to like any new ones we can dream up. Try a Ritz.
But don't expect any new weird Ritz shapes, either! Even WE are embarrassed by Ritz Sticks, which claim to help "dip, dunk, scoop." Like the round ones were so impossible to maneuver? Like they weren't the best-selling cracker in human history? No new shapes!
No new blue kiddie drinks, either. Promise. Kids lose all aesthetic appeal when their lips get blue. We see that.
Nor will we add pomegranate to any drinks, even though, frankly, we could sell pomegranate milk at this point. Pomegranates are the new sour cream 'n' onion. (NOTE TO BOSS: Sour cream 'n' onion milk in '08?)
Finally, we will refrain from giving diet and health foods the kind of scrumptious names that make people fly out of the organic aisle and drive straight to the Butterfat Hut. So no more chocolate pecan pie diet shakes. Ditto, caramel nut brownie fiber bars.
We will strive to make only responsible brand extensions in the coming year.
Unless the folks at Coke want to talk graham cracker crumbs. With lime.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Comment on JWR contributor Lenore Skenazy's column by clicking here.
Lenore Skenazy Archives
© 2006, Creators Syndicate
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