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Jewish World Review Dec. 29, 2006 / 8 Teves, 5767 Erasing the old to make way for the new By Lori Borgman http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Two weeks ago I happened upon a nifty little sponge that removes just about anything from just about anywhere. I watched as a cleaning lady at a department store instantly wiped away scuff marks on a wall with a product called Magic Eraser. As we stand poised to enter a new year, it strikes me as a shame that this little sponge can't magically erase things besides scuffmarks. Such a sponge could command a long line eager to put it into use. At the front of the line would be President Bush who could use a truckload of magic sponges to wipe away every terrorist, maniac and suicide bomber that dots the globe, disrupting any possibility of "Peace of Earth, Good Will toward Men.". Former Representative Mark Foley could use a couple to clean up those dirty instant messages he sent to Congressional pages. Mel Gibson could erase the anti-Semitic tirade he unleashed earlier this year and Kramer (actor and comedian Michael Richards) could obliterate his potty mouth meltdown. With one swoosh John Kerry could make his barb about the military instantly disappear. (The Heinz family should forget about ketchup and invest in these sponges.) Wipe! Swoosh! Be gone! If only our words could be made to disappear so quickly. Katie Couric, who became anchor of CBS Evening News, could use a few magic sponges to erase the show's sinking ratings. Then again, anyone making $15 million a year can probably buy her own Magic Erasers. A teen from Lapel, Ind., who recently filled her pockets with so much stolen loot that her pants fell down when she tried to run, could use a magic sponge to erase that entire day. Or at least the picture of her backside now stored in the police officers' memories. The sponge would no doubt be welcomed by a 21-year-old Sheboygan, Wis., gal of similar intelligence who tried to pass a counterfeit $20 bill at a gas station -- the back of the bill was blank. Maybe a Magic Eraser had already hit it. The magic sponge could wipe out the embarrassment of a woman in Waterville, Maine, who told police someone had sabotaged her washing machine. An investigation found the machine had been shaking due to an imbalanced laundry load. Speaking of unbalanced, why not offer several sponges to the publishing hacks prodding O.J. Simpson to do a book. Pluto fans might like to wipe away the decision that stripped their beloved Pluto of planethood. POW! Pluto finds itself once again next to Uranus in the official line-up. Personally, I could use a magic sponge to erase a few blobs of guilt that stick to me like pine sap. I also wouldn't mind wiping away a stubborn streak of impatience that threatens to follow me into yet another year. What's more, I could use a sponge to tackle some unkind thoughts, harsh words and snap judgments I made during past year. SWOOSH! Before my sponge is completely exhausted, I'd like to rub out every shoulda, woulda, coulda that haunts me like the Ghost of New Year's Past. I know there are things I shoulda, coulda, woulda done but the fact is I didn't. Hit 'em little sponge. BAM! A magic sponge that can cause the old things to pass away so that new things might come is a great way to begin another year. Here's to finding such a sponge until then, may your scuffmarks be few. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Pass the Faith, Please" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here. ARCHIVES © 2006, Lori Borgman

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