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May 24, 2012
Jeff Jacoby: The peace process battered Israel's reputation
Michael Muskal: 'Pro-choice' position hits record low, according to poll
Chris Farrell: Are We in a Tech Bubble?
The Kosher Gourmet by Penelope Wall: PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS --- hold the steak!
May 23, 2012
Tony Pugh: More private colleges offering tuition discounts
Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You
Tina Susman: The wig wasn't enough: Man gets 13 years for posing as his dead mom
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right
May 22, 2012
Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide
Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili
May 21, 2012
Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks
Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security?
Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy?
Guy Jackson : Victim's father regrets death of Lockerbie bomber
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: Famed chef's veal shoulder farsumagru: A festive meat course for late spring
May 18, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: Striving: The People of the Book's Book for (All of) the People
Steven Goldberg: 5 Great Stock Picks and the Exchange-Traded Fund that Owns Them
Mary Pickett, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Don't be forced into gluten-free lifestyle based merely on a doctor's false-positive test
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: DIY healthy lunchbox treats: HOMEMADE FRUIT BARS for kids and brown-bagging adults alike
May 17, 2012
Warren Richey: Teacher fired for being unwed and pregnant can sue religious school, court rules
Josh Mitnick: Netanyahu's 'centrist' coalition is already proving it's anything but
Steven Goldberg: Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Amina Khan: Research links coffee to lower death rates
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Duran : Cheesy Potato Breakfast Casserole with Cheddar and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
May 16, 2012
Carmen Terzic, M.D., Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: A variety of exercises can help improve balance
Melissa Healy: National strategy on Alzheimer's disease aims to halt it by 2025
The Kosher Gourmet by Joyce White : GOODNESS GRACIOUS: GREENS! 4 winning recipes that are no longer just for down-home folks (Includes expert tips & techniques)
May 15, 2012
Kristen Chick: Obama administration resumes arms sales to Bahrain despite serious unresolved human rights issues. Activists feel abandoned
Pat Mertz Esswein: Homes are now affordable again and mortgage rates are low. What you need to know before you buy
Kathy Kristof: Our Practical Investor Fights Inflation with These 6 Investments
Sue Hubbard, M.D.: The Kid's Doctor: Lactose intolerant young child? Check again
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May 14, 2012
Lisa Gerstner: How to Protect Your Identity, Finances If You Lose Your Phone
Harvard Health Letters: Heart disease and dementia
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: MANGO COCONUT OAT MORNING MUFFINS are a bright but hearty delight
May 11, 2012
Jessica L. Anderson: Get the Best Deal on a Used Car
Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli
The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON
May 10, 2012
Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square
Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity
Jeff Bertolucci: Get Home Phone Service for Less Than $10 a Month
The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare
May 9, 2012
Sharon Palmer, R.D. How you can reduce your risk -- or delay -- chronic diseases associated with aging
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Jewish World Review
Dec. 23, 2005
/ 22 Kislev, 5766
Going Postal
By
Gene Weingarten
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
This just in to the Below the Beltway mailbag:
Dear Mr. Weingarten:
Since you are a man of great intelligence, I wanted to ask you a question that's been eating away at me. Why is it that adults never seem to come to terms with the fact that the time period in which they had their glory days is over? Why must they always make us teenagers feel guilty for things beyond our control? For example:
Teenager: "Dad, can I have 20 bucks to catch a movie?"
Dad: "Twenty bucks! Why in my day, we could see a gajillion movies for 20 bucks!"
Teenager: "Um, I don't even think a gajillion is a number . . ."
Dad: "Well, in my day it was."
What is this strange phenomenon that adults experience, and why does it occur?
Sincerely, Erick Whitaker, Washington
(A devoted teenage fan)
Dear Erick:
You ask an excellent question, and it deserves an honest, straightforward, respectful answer. Unfortunately, for some reason you asked me. What kind of a stupid name is "Erick," anyway? I realize this is not your fault, per se, but the apple never falls very far from the tree, if you see what I am saying. Unnecessary consonants are the enemy of brevity. And because brevity is the soul of wit, your name is an affront to the art of humor. And since humor is mankind's main defense against the existential horror of existence, you are a living embodiment of loneliness, despair, chaos, decay and death.
Thanks for writing!
No, seriously, Erick, you ask a fair question, and I will try to answer it without being condescending. ("Condescending," as I have explained before, is a great big word that we grown-ups sometimes use. It means "talking down to.") So. Why do we middle-aged, parent-generation types talk wistfully about our "day," as though life in the '60s was some sort of idyll, as opposed to an era characterized by assassinations, TV dinners that tasted like steamed cat food, and clothing in colors now only found on those plastic mustard and ketchup squeeze bottles at restaurants with place-mat menus? The answer, Erick, is that we had much better music. And by "better music," I mean "better drugs."
Ha-ha. Just kidding. Now let me give you another answer, one that will permit me to retain my health benefits.
The reason we celebrate our youth is that it is gone, and we miss it. And therefore, we carry positive associations with anything from that time of our lives.
For example, you may watch an old episode of "Bewitched" and think, "What kind of feeble garbage is this?" whereas guys my age will watch the same episode and get all misty because we remember that the first time we saw this episode, even though we were only 9, we knew there was something about Elizabeth Montgomery (particularly when she did that cute thing with her nose) that made us feel tense and nervous not tense and nervous like having to take a big test, but tense and nervous like when you really have to sneeze but can't, but know you eventually will, and when it happens it will be good. And at that very moment when we remember this, we also realize that Elizabeth Montgomery is dead, and so are both Darrins, one of prostate cancer, which reminds us we've been having to pee an awful lot lately. It is invariably at a time like this that some snot-nosed kid with an extra consonant in his name comes up to us and asks for a double sawbuck to go to the movies, and so excuse us, Erick, if, at just such a moment when we are contemplating the cosmic unfairness of a world that wastes youth and vibrancy on those too callow to appreciate it we might seem just a teensy bit testy. In short, Erick, here's your 20 bucks! Go watch "Garfield: The Movie," or whatever nonsense you young people are flocking to these days. And don't worry about us. We have a gajillion memories to keep us going, memories of things you'll never experience. Like, you know, all that great music.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.
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