The young woman was sandy-haired, not much over 30, slender and fairly attractive. But somewhere along the way she had given up on men. What she really wanted was a baby — and she wasn't especially choosy about who would perform the act of fathering the child.
"After all," she added breezily, "it's the 21st century."
Casual conversations these days can certainly take odd detours.
I, the father of a teenager, looked at this young woman from across a gulf of more than 20 years and thought: Be careful what you wish for. I'm blessed as a father, but parenting is hard enough with two. I couldn't imagine doing it alone.
The young woman mentioned the last guy who had agreed to ... well, you know. He had changed his mind for some reason. It didn't work out. Meanwhile, her biological clock was ticking.
To me, it's always shocking to hear this sort of thing from unmarried women. Of course, it would have been useless to try to argue her out of her dream. I did remark, however, that if she succeeded in becoming pregnant, about 15 years later she might see things in a different light. She might wish she had some help.
More women today are thinking along similar lines. No, this isn't the single-parenthood paradigm of the inner city. These aspiring mothers have decent incomes. Their children are less likely to grow up poor.
A recent New York Times story headlined, "First Comes the Baby Carriage" reported on the growing number of single women choosing to be inseminated with sperm purchased online.
They peruse profiles of anonymous donors and make their selection as if from a genetic buffet. Some who become pregnant send other women their leftover sperm.
A dozen years from now, what will the children of these women think about this brave new world? All children want to know the special story of their origins. What will these women tell them?
The other day I was scanning cable channels and landed on a chat show in which Maureen Dowd, The New York Times columnist, dryly noted that men are no longer needed for reproduction. Dowd has a book out titled "Are Men Necessary?''
The Times story about women buying sperm on the Internet covered all the angles, except one: It virtually ignored the possible effect on children.
At one point, the reporter observed — as one might take note of a quaint but archaic myth — that some of these women are accused of being selfish, "because of the widely held belief that two-parent homes are best for children."
How we strain mightily to deny the obvious. It's true that not all two-parent families are exemplars of domestic harmony. Yes, some relationships are destructive, some couples shouldn't stay together, etc. etc. Every general rule has exceptions.
Yet most parents know there are times when Junior can't talk to Mom, and if there's somebody around called "Dad," Junior's chances of getting the emotional connection he needs are greater. And it works the other around way as well. Sometimes, Mom is the best person to consult. As they grow up, kids gravitate from one parent to the other, in a mysterious but perceptible rhythm.
For 10 years I was a Big Brother volunteer. My "little brother," DeAndre, is grown up now. He drops by occasionally, and last year he mentioned that he had traveled north to another state to meet the man he believed to be his father.
Up to that moment, DeAndre had never laid eyes on the man. DeAndre's mom loved him and worked hard to give him a decent life. But the absence of his father left a void. He rarely mentioned the subject, but it would pop out sometimes. Once, he blurted defiantly, "My father will miss seeing me grow up."
I don't remember many details from DeAndre's account of the meeting, but it was clear that what he sought was simple acknowledgment. His message was, in effect, "Look at me. I exist."
DeAndre's quest, however, turned out to be futile and deflating. A blood test revealed that the man was not his father.
I have no doubt that many of the children born to "single mothers by choice" will turn out healthy and successful. Human beings are pretty adaptable.
But many will grow up with a lot of pain and confusion because of decisions by women who have convinced themselves that men aren't "necessary." It may be the 21st century, but no amount of rationalization will ever stamp out a child's innocent yearning for a father.
