We've all heard that expression, "If they can put a man on the moon, why can't they come
up with a way to get a sixth-grade boy to tell his mother about his math grade?"
Well, "they" did.
At long last, the technology that permeates our culture has transformed the nature of
parenting a middle school boy. I no longer must rely on my son to tell me how he's doing
in school. I can simply go to the World Wide Web and find out.
Back in the day, moms and dads had to rummage through backpacks to discover what
was happening in the classroom. This was messy. Between the dirty gym clothes and the
leftover bananas, you could end up on antibiotics just learning how your son did on a
social studies quiz.
Not that you couldn't simply ask, "How'd you do on the social studies quiz?" More often than not, however, the answer was "fine," a
subjective response, to be sure.
So schools like ours have begun subscribing to online reporting services that let parents
log on to track their children's work in every subject. Used in conjunction with teachers'
computerized grading systems, these services also allow parents to stay informed about
daily assignments, projects and deadlines.
Gone are the days of prying, guessing and rifling through tattered pocket folders in a
quest for information about academic progress. We can point and click our way into the
teacher's official records.
Naturally, a development that's this good for parenting is a nightmare for your average
middle schooler, such as my son, Jimmy. He's a good student, but even a conscientious
young scholar has a bad day every so often. With online grade monitoring, no bad day
goes unnoticed.
Nonetheless, ups and downs are just part of being a sixth-grader. The term is nine weeks
long, after all, and there's a large body of work to do before his teachers make the final
judgment on his performance. You can't get into a lather about every blip on the
academic screen.
Besides, who among us hasn't walked into a classroom, dropped into a prefab plastic
chair and felt his heart drop to the floor as he remembers -- too late -- that today is the
English test? An occasional bad grade is to be expected.
What I look for when surfing the online updates are trends. How often do I find the dreaded "mi" -- for "missing" -- where a letter
grade should be? Do the math grades reflect a lack of effort or confusion about decimals? How many days in a row does the music
teacher give him just three out of five points for "conduct"?
When I find a pattern, I pounce. "Look at this," I say sternly as I hand Jimmy the printout of his music teacher's daily performance
and participation record. "You have a C plus for behavior in music class. Do you know how a person gets a C plus for behavior? By
not behaving."
I continue to lecture Jimmy for a good five minutes on the relationship between good conduct and good grades.
When he seems appropriately somber, realizing again that Mom is everywhere, I know I've made my case. The prosecution rests.
In truth, though, mom isn't everywhere, and the older he gets, the more he must rely on his own abilities to monitor his progress and
correct his course when necessary. Sometimes, in the interest of better parenting, I find it's best not to use all the information I find
online; or more precisely, I decide not to act on everything I find.
The danger of a system that lets parents track each day's results is the temptation to rescue your child -- to keep him from failing, a
learning tool we probably don't use often enough these days.
All the warnings and threats in the world won't work if they don't come to pass occasionally. Sometimes you have to get that bad
grade to realize your parents are right about finishing your homework, studying for tests and listening in class.
That's why, even though it looks for all the world as if Jimmy has a C plus coming in math, I decide to watch and wait.
I don't print out the page that documents his predicament.
I don't offer to check his homework, remind him of an upcoming quiz or generally nag him about working harder.
I just keep an eye on him.
Sure enough, there is a new trend. After a couple of weeks, I check the Web site and find a series of 100 percents on worksheets
and an A on a test. Before long, he has reversed the downward spiral, proving my case about the inextricable connection between
effort and results.
Online monitoring systems are terrific because anything that betters communication between parents and teachers is a great
development.
Then again, another great development is watching a boy take responsibility for himself and succeed on his own.
