Jewish World Review Nov. 18, 2004 / 5 Kislev, 5765

Lloyd Garver

JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
MUGGER
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports

And A Digital New Year To All


http://www.jewishworldreview.com | It's not even Thanksgiving yet, but, as usual, advertisers are reminding us that the big holidays are just around the corner. There's no use in our even trying to fight this premature commercialization. However in addition to seasonal slogans like, "Goodwill to Men (and Women)," "A Great Miracle Happened There," and "Peace On Earth," I'd like to add one of my own: "Just Because They Can Make It, Doesn't Mean We Have To Buy It."


As opposed to other generations, invention and technology have now outstripped need. As a result, there is a whole category of amazing things that exist that beg the question, "Does anybody really need that?"


Some people might say my robot vacuum cleaner falls into this category. That's a hard one for me to defend, especially since lately it's been spending more time gathering dust than sucking it up. But there are many more examples. Think of all those fantastic computer programs you bought or downloaded that you never use. There are gadgets on today's cars that we could probably all manage without. How important is it for us to know the outside temperature of our car? If it's hotter or colder than we'd like, what are we going to do? Just stay in our car until the weather changes? And how often do you really use that waterproof CD player in the shower? And was business really conducted less efficiently before people could "instant message" each other 24 hours a day?


I recently read about a new invention that almost defines this category. Adidas has developed the "smart shoe." Until now, I didn't even know my shoes were dumb. The new shoe comes with a computer chip so that it can be completely customized to your feet and stride. Theoretically, it can help make walking and running more comfortable and more efficient. Adidas says the shoe "has a motor that spins at a rate faster than the rotors of a Blackhawk helicopter." I guess that's impressive, but have they figured out a way to remove gum from its sole when you accidentally step in it?


I'm a little worried about this new product. Think about all the things that can and do go wrong with your computer. Now imagine if the same things happened to your shoes. Do you want to run the risk of some competitor like Nike mischievously giving your new shoes a virus? Or if they're worn in the Olympics, what's to stop another country from cracking our athletes' foot code? Forget about the elite athlete. What if you get this shoe because of its presumed comfort, and you're going for a casual walk, and suddenly for no explicable reason, your shoes start running?


Before writing off this invention, I wondered if there were ways of turning these negatives into positives. I believe there are. For example, if you're at home, wearing your computer shoes and relaxing when the phone rings, maybe you'd rather somebody else answered it. Now you'll be able to say, "Can you get that? I can't move. My shoes must've crashed."

Donate to JWR


So, maybe the best use of this invention will turn out to be claiming it's not working properly — just as people do with so many other technological wonders. You know what I'm talking about. As opposed to when humans took messages, now people can say, "I never got your message. My machine eats them up." When people lose interest in talking to you on the phone, they can say, "Sorry. I'm losing you on my cell phone." And of course, the reason the report is late is, "My computer froze."


So, maybe people will buy these shoes just so they'll have one more technological excuse for things. Wearing them, they'll be able to call work and say, "I can't come in today. I'm stuck in my house. My shoes' hard disk went bad, and the tech support line is busy." But before you smile about what a great friend technology is, caveat emptor. There's always the chance that when your boss bought his combination pen/video camera/air freshener, he also picked up a telephone lie detector.

Enjoy this writer's work? Why not sign-up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.




JWR contributor Lloyd Garver has written for many television shows, ranging from "Sesame Street" to "Family Ties" to "Frasier." He has also read many books, some of them in hardcover. Comment by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.

Up

11/11/04: In praise of solitude
09/15/04: Resting Up For The Next Olympics
09/02/04: Drop the smirk, part the hair
08/26/04: The Indefinitive Election Poll
08/19/04: Postage stamps get personal
08/12/04: The Political Olympics
08/05/04: Candidates are relying too much on research and taking some voters for granted
07/26/04: Color Code Confusion
07/08/04: Two Johns, no waiting
07/01/04: College Kids: They're Ba'aaack
06/11/04: A real sucker
06/03/04: What America really thinks
05/28/04: Fly the nice skies
05/20/04: A margin of error
05/06/04: TIPtoeing Around New York
04/29/04: The trouble with tall people
04/22/04: It's over for the Yankees
04/15/04: Silver bullets, tarnished excuses
04/08/04: A basketball fan's Nirvana
04/01/04: Something you're dying to write
03/25/04: Trumping Trump
03/11/04: Spelling still kounts
02/10/04: Leave the Amish alone
02/05/04: 'The State Of The Column' Column
01/15/04 Being Fat And Fit?
01/12/04 How to win the lottery
01/05/04 Sign Of The Times
12/27/03 Your Checklist Of Football Cliches
12/19/03 Clean getaway for holiday shoppers
12/15/03 The Cadillac Of Columns?
12/08/03 Dearest (Insert Name Here) ...
12/01/03 If they advertise it, we will buy
11/21/03 Feeling young, small and intimidated
11/14/03 The ulterior motive behind changes in those airline passenger meals
10/30/03 Real Money From Virtual Reality
10/23/03 Seeing red on new greenbacks
10/10/03 A sorry state of affairs
10/02/03 Revealed! Celeb-authored kids' books arriving just in time for the holidays
09/25/03 Just say 'yes' to dinner
09/11/03 In search of cool
09/04/03 Taking 'Intelligence' Out Of 'CIA'
08/28/03 Relaxation makes me nervous
07/31/03: What empty nest?
07/17/03: America's Big Hang-Up
06/27/03: Mental gymnastics
06/19/03: Why do we lie to our doctors?
06/02/03: Driving around in circles
05/28/03: These writers don't monkey around
05/19/03: Testing the water
05/13/03: New car hell
05/05/03: Bed and breakfast bewilderment
04/28/03: Sexy? That's a laugh!
04/10/03: When 'all A's' isn't good enough
04/04/03: A kibosh on complaining
03/13/03: Cut those billionaires some slack
03/05/03: Will they ever run out of celebs? The pols hope not!
02/26/03: Unfortunately, we can hear you now
02/19/03: Just say what you mean

© 2004, Lloyd Garver