Jewish World Review Nov. 16, 2010/ 9 Kislev, 5771
Ugly Truth About D.C.
By Tom Purcell
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | There's something ugly going on in Washington, D.C.
Travel + Leisure magazine asked travelers to rank 35 American cities in a variety of categories, including which has the most attractive residents.
Washingtonians were ranked the sixth least attractive.
I think, borrowing from Jay Leno, I know why: "Politics is show business for ugly people."
You see, out in "flyover country," people actually care about ideas and results and the direction our country is heading.
This is what elections are about for them -- this is what they talk about at the dinner table and worry about when they are unable to sleep at night.
They assume, when they vote for their Washington representatives, that those folks feel the same way.
But many of them don't.
This was made abundantly clear to me when a friend of mine, an editorial page editor for a newspaper in Texas, took a job as chief of staff to a newly elected congressman.
Until he arrived in Washington, he'd spent his career passionately debating ideas and political decisions -- he cared about the rightness or wrongness of these ideas and their impact on his city and state.
Soon after he arrived on Capitol Hill, though, he became disillusioned. He realized that ideas are mostly pieces on a chessboard through which members of Congress, their staffers, lobbyists and lots of others merely play a game to acquire power and money.
They are eager to acquire power and money for one reason: It's the only way they know to "get chicks."
Stroll around our capital city and you'll see exactly what I am talking about: lots of middle-aged fellows strolling about with young, gorgeous women on their arms.
Even the baldest fellow with the hairiest earlobes can do well with the ladies, so long as he has political connections who will secure his client millions so he may secure himself hundreds of thousands.
Gorgeous women in D.C. are smitten with such fellows -- fellows who replay their C-SPAN appearances on their smartphones at trendy restaurants as their giggling young female companions, eager to cash in on their associations, swoon.
You see, the halls of power are, regrettably, staffed by many people who were not so popular in high school or college -- some were still getting wedgies as college freshmen.
Don't get me wrong. Some have fine minds -- thank G0d there are some fine people in Washington who have saved us from ourselves -- but many more are fellows who did just well enough in school to think themselves clever.
They use their "cleverness" to wiggle their way into positions of political power that hold sway over how taxpayer money is directed and spent.
They use our hard-earned money to create and fund nutty programs that give power, money and fame to their associates and themselves.
They do so because they still have a chip on their shoulder -- they're still agitated that the popular girls rejected them so many years ago.
How much of our bloated, wasteful spending can be traced to the simple motives of balding, hairy-lobed middle-aged fellows is hard to say, but the number surely is significant.
Perhaps we should allow only attractive people to run for office and work in government positions.
Perhaps we should slash government spending so the unattractive have less ability to attain power, money and fame at our expense.
Whatever the case, now you know the ugly truth about Washington, D.C.
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© 2010, Tom Purcell