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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

Moving on from movie theaters

By Jim Mullen




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The idea of showing clips of soon-to-be released movies to an audience in a movie theater is a no-brainer. It's a captive audience that likes movies enough to brave roving gangs of teenage cell-phone addicts and scary, multi-story parking garages. It's an audience that is willing to brave freeway traffic and inconvenient timing to come sit in a theater that smells of carpet cleaner, fake butter and Febreze, all to see clips of coming attractions that aren't attractive.

First of all, nachos? In a dark movie theater? Who thought that would be a good idea -- the guy with the theater's carpet-cleaning contract? And if you're sitting down not moving a muscle for two hours, should you really be eating nachos? Or buttered popcorn? Or malted milk balls? I don't want to be a killjoy, but unless you jogged to the theater from your house, you should probably be mindful of your snacking. I watch movies at home, and never have a craving for Dots and Milky Ways; why do we think the movie-watching experience needs fattening food? Isn't watching a hard-working actor make $20 million enough fun for a couple of hours?

Since there are very few leave-the-house-worthy films, you'd think the theaters would try extra hard to make sure their previews will excite you enough to leave the house again, at a future date. Especially now that it's so easy to watch movies at home with easy access to a clean bathroom and overstocked kitchen and no loud talkers, movie theaters are in a struggle for their very existence.

It's been months since Sue and I went to a film, but this week Hollywood got us off our duffs. The end of the year is when they release all the Oscar-worthy stuff. So we manned up, left the house and went to a talkie. We were the only two people in the tiny theater. Of the other 12 movies we could have chosen, we picked the one that nobody wants to see. Are we that out of touch?

The movie started a few minutes late because the projectionist was also the guy selling nachos. There must have been a last-minute rush. The next thing we saw were hundreds of flying ninjas taking on one superior ninja. Something told me, even without seeing the whole movie, that horde of ninjas didn't have a chance. Sure enough, the superior ninja sliced through them 10 at a time, and jumped in slow motion so we could see their swords just miss him by that much. Three more fell before he hit the ground. It was like watching a ballet of violence.

I'm sure someone, somewhere, is rewriting "Swan Lake" to include flying samurai. It's like that best-selling Jane Austen rewrite "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies," it has to happen, but that doesn't mean I'll be buying it. Five more previews followed that were worse than the "Ninjas." Car chases and gunfights. Many of them were remakes of movies that should never, ever be remade. I don't care who's in it, I don't want to see "Casablanca II."

Now I'm thinking of buying a bigger TV set.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Comment by clicking here.

Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo."


Previously:


Money never sleeps, but it does pass out
President Trump kept it classy
Stalking your college kid won't change a thing
Putting my life in ‘Jeopardy’
Mo' government, mo' problems
iLostIt
Dressed for excess
Expert tease
The mysteries of Jersey
‘You are a toilet, where am I?’
Don't we all cheat at the game of life?
What happens when I forget where Google is?
Don't let the doorman hit you on the way out
Picasso fiasco
Purple (hair) ‘Daze’
Let me hear your body talk
Working from work
Babies deserve clean restrooms, too
3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past
Money-making ideas on the fly
Collecting and hoarding
Chain of fools
Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them
You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't
e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic
A pose by any other name
Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers
‘He loves only gold, only gold’
Think about direction, wonder why …
Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet
More like ‘wack’ Friday
The good, the ad and the ugly
The desert of the real
Let books be large and in charge
I was insulting people way before the Internet
GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left!
Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high
Music to my ears it's not
You don't light up my life
Fair or not: Country living is far from ‘Little House’
A parable for the ‘ages’
Top 100 Cable news stories of the century
Green dumb
A developing story
Thinking outside the lunch box
What's good for the goose is good for the scanner
Newspapers will survive, but network TV?
A really big show of generation gaps
When pigs flu
The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated
Mergers and admonitions
Invest in gold: little, yellow, different
Stuck in Folsom Penthouse
Collecting karma
Setting loose the creative ‘juice’
It's all in the numbers
You're damaging your brain with practical skills
The real rat pack
The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic
Gross-ery shopping



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