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Jewish World Review Nov. 22, 2010 / 15 Kislev, 5771 Gifts By Alan Douglas
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Most gifts are gestures, but truly wonderful gifts are filled with meaning, Gifts should be about emotions, sharing, support, and dreams. That is all you really should need to know about gift giving. But in the holiday spirit, I give you, my friends and readers, this story about gifts. This tale is also about families. As your relatives assemble for the holidays, permit me to remind each of you, that your family, and mine, is as crazy as everyone else's family.
My uncle was a terrific guy. He was always easy-going and enjoyed life with kindness and good cheer. He lived with my family and the two of us shared a bedroom until I was ten. He was my older brother, guardian angel, buddy, and second father all rolled up into one. As a small child my primary mode of transportation was my uncle carrying me around on his shoulders. When I was eight years old my uncle stayed behind when the rest of my family drove to a mountain cabin for vacation. My parents sent me to an arts and crafts class where I made a wallet for my uncle. I was extremely proud of that wallet. I wanted to give it to him right away. My parents explained to me that we were more than a thousand miles from home, so my gift would have to wait. That evening, I became sick and developed a high fever. We rushed home, and after giving my uncle his present, I made a sudden, miraculous recovery. My parents were not pleased with me, but I think my uncle liked the wallet.
Many years later I called my uncle to tell him I was getting married and asked if he would be my best man. But things had changed. My uncle had gotten married and although he was still the lovable guy with child-like enthusiasm and charm -- he had married a grow-up. She was an adult who believed in rules, order, and who found pleasure in setting people straight. My aunt was "often in error, but never in doubt" as she instructed others how to live, what to wear, and what to eat. She protected my uncle from his good nature and was vigilant in detecting flaws in others. It has been said that people who brag they are brutally honest, are more brutal than honest. When I called about the wedding, my aunt said she didn't know if they would be available to attend, but she would send a list of dates when they could make it. My uncle simply said that no matter when or where he would be there.
My aunt mailed us a list of dates when she might attend. She told me, and my fiancee that since this was my second wedding, I should consider eloping, and pointed out that we should not really expect others to attend a second wedding. I have always maintained there is more reason to attend second weddings. An undefeated team doesn't need a pep rally as much as a team coming off a loss. It was selfish and dangerous, according to my aunt, to impose on my uncle and expect him to travel at his age. "If he dies coming to your wedding it will be your fault" she stated in a factual and ominous manner. I gave up or in, I am still not sure which. I wrote back to my aunt and uncle saying they were certainly welcome at the wedding but we would understand it if they couldn't make it. My aunt told us her club was having their conference at the same time so they couldn't attend. Shortly after, my uncle called us to tell us he would go to the conference with my aunt, fly by himself to the wedding, and then immediately fly back to the conference. He said, "You know I wouldn't miss your wedding."
And then we received a wedding present from my aunt and uncle. My aunt was infamous for giving inappropriate gifts so I was wary. A young woman spending the holiday in the hospital having extensive back surgery that was painful and left her two big new scars, one on her spine and another on her hip, wept when she received her Christmas present from my aunt…a bikini. My aunt's wedding present to a mixed marriage couple was a souvenir plaque my aunt bought years ago that depicted the Western Wall. To make her point clear, my aunt gave a feminist family member a gift certificate for a beauty make over. So when our wedding gift arrived I begged my fiancee to call the bomb squad, but she accused me of overreacting. My soon-to-be-wife gave me a long lecture on not living in the past, not holding grudges, not prejudging people, and a lot of other "nots."
It turned out that our gift was an electric frying pan that I had given my aunt and uncle ten years ago during a salvage operation at a business. This was fine with me, since re-gifting is environmentally responsible, and it wasn't a bomb. "Why look, they even sent us this beautiful card," my fiancee exclaimed, ripping open the envelope and preparing for a formal reading of the greeting card. The pictures tumbled out as soon as the envelope was opened. My wife picked them off the floor and as she examined them she asked me, "Aren't these photographs of your ex-wife?" In my most cheerful countenance I chirped, "Welcome to the family."
But all in all, I figured that my uncle disobeying orders and coming to our wedding was the real gift. When my uncle arrived he told me, "Wouldn't have missed it for the world," and he meant it. It was not an elaborate ceremony with honors for my uncle, but he didn't care. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law built a beautiful chuppah in their backyard and hosted us all in their house after the ceremony. My uncle toasted my new wife and me, making it a true celebration, but time was short and he had to catch his plane. When his taxi back to the airport arrived, he started crying. He kissed my bride good-bye and grabbed me. Hugging me tightly he paused and said, "I've saved this for over thirty years, but I want you to have it." "Do you know what it is?" he asked, as he handed the small object to me. "Of course," I cried out as I held him in my arms and clutched the old wallet. Most gifts are gestures, but truly wonderful gifts are filled with meaning,
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JWR contributor Alan Douglas, an author, media executive, speaker, and attorney, lives con brio- except when he is grumpy.
Sharing, Transparency and Dumping
© 2010 Alan Douglas
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Arnold Ahlert | |||||||||||||
