
 |
|
May 24, 2012
Jeff Jacoby: The peace process battered Israel's reputation
Michael Muskal: 'Pro-choice' position hits record low, according to poll
Chris Farrell: Are We in a Tech Bubble?
The Kosher Gourmet by Penelope Wall: PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS --- hold the steak!
May 23, 2012
Tony Pugh: More private colleges offering tuition discounts
Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You
Tina Susman: The wig wasn't enough: Man gets 13 years for posing as his dead mom
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right
May 22, 2012
Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide
Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili
May 21, 2012
Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks
Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security?
Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy?
Guy Jackson : Victim's father regrets death of Lockerbie bomber
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: Famed chef's veal shoulder farsumagru: A festive meat course for late spring
May 18, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: Striving: The People of the Book's Book for (All of) the People
Steven Goldberg: 5 Great Stock Picks and the Exchange-Traded Fund that Owns Them
Mary Pickett, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Don't be forced into gluten-free lifestyle based merely on a doctor's false-positive test
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: DIY healthy lunchbox treats: HOMEMADE FRUIT BARS for kids and brown-bagging adults alike
May 17, 2012
Warren Richey: Teacher fired for being unwed and pregnant can sue religious school, court rules
Josh Mitnick: Netanyahu's 'centrist' coalition is already proving it's anything but
Steven Goldberg: Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Amina Khan: Research links coffee to lower death rates
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Duran : Cheesy Potato Breakfast Casserole with Cheddar and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
May 16, 2012
Carmen Terzic, M.D., Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: A variety of exercises can help improve balance
Melissa Healy: National strategy on Alzheimer's disease aims to halt it by 2025
The Kosher Gourmet by Joyce White : GOODNESS GRACIOUS: GREENS! 4 winning recipes that are no longer just for down-home folks (Includes expert tips & techniques)
May 15, 2012
Kristen Chick: Obama administration resumes arms sales to Bahrain despite serious unresolved human rights issues. Activists feel abandoned
Pat Mertz Esswein: Homes are now affordable again and mortgage rates are low. What you need to know before you buy
Kathy Kristof: Our Practical Investor Fights Inflation with These 6 Investments
Sue Hubbard, M.D.: The Kid's Doctor: Lactose intolerant young child? Check again
The Kosher Gourmet by Kathy Hunt: Spread a Little Excitement with EXOTIC CONDIMENTS (4 RECIPES)
May 14, 2012
Lisa Gerstner: How to Protect Your Identity, Finances If You Lose Your Phone
Harvard Health Letters: Heart disease and dementia
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: MANGO COCONUT OAT MORNING MUFFINS are a bright but hearty delight
May 11, 2012
Jessica L. Anderson: Get the Best Deal on a Used Car
Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli
The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON
May 10, 2012
Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square
Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity
Jeff Bertolucci: Get Home Phone Service for Less Than $10 a Month
The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare
May 9, 2012
Sharon Palmer, R.D. How you can reduce your risk -- or delay -- chronic diseases associated with aging
|
| |
Jewish World Review
Nov. 28, 2007
/ 18 Kislev 5768
Out with the old
By
Malcolm Fleschner
| 
|
|
|
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
I will be the first to admit that I don't know much about women. Or maybe the second, if my wife is in the room at the time. But one indisputable life lesson I have picked up about the fair sex is that no woman, regardless of race, creed, religion, sexual preference or even gender, will ever mind being told that she looks young for her age.
I take advantage of this piece of knowledge whenever possible, such as when I'm introduced to a woman who tells me that she's a grandmother.
"You have grandchildren?" I'll ask, incredulous. "I refuse to believe it. You're obviously much too young to be a grandmother." I might also add a teasing demand to see a driver's license for proof of age.
In return I almost always receive a smile and an earnest, "No, really, I am." No woman has ever responded by affixing me with a steely glare and saying, "What are you, some kind of wise guy? See these age spots? I look old enough to have dated Calvin Coolidge."
Of course, the truth is that in our youth-obsessed culture, almost everyone wants to look younger. Which explains why American women get suckered into spending millions of dollars every year on phony "age-defying" creams advertised on TV. An actress like Salma Hayek will appear on the screen and explain that any woman over 40 can look every bit as terrific as Salma does. All they have to do is use the advertised product every day. That and look like Salma Hayek to begin with.
We men may have our shortcomings, but at least we would never waste our money on worthless, phony-baloney anti-aging creams. Not when we can spend our money on worthless, phony-baloney "male enhancement" products, that is.
But generally speaking, men's aging-related concerns are less about appearance and more about performance. That's why the erectile dysfunction product commercials featuring men in their 50s alongside sexy, thirtysomething wives are so effective. Imagine the horror, these ads imply, of finally dumping your wrinkled old wife, taking up with a young hottie and then being unable to perform? What's the point!
These ads are also remarkable for the subtle symbolism they employ, as in the Levitra commercial in which a man with graying temples repeatedly tries but fails to throw a football through a nearby tire swing, while his young, attractive wife looks on disappointedly. Until the Levitra theme music kicks in, that is, at which point the man starts firing frozen ropes through that baby and, not surprisingly, the missus' spirits perk up considerably.
Some people feel these ads are in poor taste, but not me. Frankly, I'd like to see erectile dysfunction product ads more like the feminine hygiene product commercials where two women talk about their intimate body odor issues as casually as most people discuss the weather. My ad would open with two train engineers, clad in striped overalls, engineers' caps and red handkerchiefs, sharing a cup of coffee. One would say to the other, "Bill, have you ever had times with Alice when you just couldn't, well, get the train into the tunnel, if you know what I mean?" The ad would end with the same engineer, having found out about the latest ED pill, speeding his train into a tunnel while excitedly whooping and repeatedly pulling the steam whistle.
Realistically, however, there's not much we can do to slow the aging process, so instead we pretend that age doesn't matter, employing silly platitudes like, "50 is the new 30" and "60 is the new 40." Frankly, rather than reassuring me, these sentiments tend to make me worried that there's a government conspiracy afoot to deny us Social Security benefits.
Social Security Agent: "Oh, I'm sorry. It says here that you're only 65. Officially, that's the new 50. You won't be eligible until you're, um, hang on, let me check my chart, 78. That's the new 65."
To date, one of the only proven effective methods for extending longevity has been a practice known as "calorie restriction" that involves eating such a limited diet that the body shifts into a perpetual "survival" mode that delays the aging process. While achieving a small international following, calorie restricted diets have not gained much of a foothold in the United States, perhaps proving that the only thing Americans care more about than looking youthful is that we get to keep on stuffing our fat faces.
Of course, ultimately, all this focus on looking young is merely a cover for our worries about what happens when we actually do stop aging. So we'd probably all be a lot better off if we stopped fearing the inevitable and started embracing the fate that awaits us all. If it helps, I recently heard that dead is the new 70.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.
Previously:
11/06/07: My latest pet project
11/06/07: Can't tune it out
10/23/07: Something special in the hair
09/12/07: Can I have your attention, please?
09/12/07: Houston, we have an image problem
08/21/07: In the heat of fashion
08/09/07: Let's get in the game
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning
© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner
|
|

Arnold Ahlert
Mitch Albom
Jay Ambrose
Michael Barone
Barrywood
Lori Borgman
Stratfor Briefing
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Richard Z. Chesnoff
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Alan Douglas
Larry Elder
Suzanne Fields
Frank J. Gaffney
Bernie Goldberg
Jonah Goldberg
Julia Gorin
Jonathan Gurwitz
Paul Greenberg
Argus Hamilton
Victor Davis Hanson
Betsy Hart
Ron Hart
Nat Hentoff
Marybeth Hicks
A. Barton Hinkle
David Horowitz
Jeff Jacoby
Renee James
Paul Johnson
Jack Kelly
Ed Koch
Ch. Krauthammer
Michael Ledeen
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Kathryn Lopez
Rich Lowry
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Ann McFeatters
Dale McFeatters
Dana Milbank
Jeanne Moos
Dick Morris
Jim Mullen
Deroy Murdock
Judge A. Napolitano
Bill O'Reilly
Kathleen Parker
Star Parker
Dennis Prager
Wesley Pruden
Tom Purcell
Sharon Randall
Robert Robb
Cokie & Steve Roberts
Heather Robinson
Pat Sajak
Debra J. Saunders
Martin Schram
Culture Shlock
David Shribman
Roger Simon
Michael Smerconish
Thomas Sowell
Ben Stein
Mark Steyn
John Stossel
Cal Thomas
Dan Thomasson
Bob Tyrrell
Ben Wattenberg
Diana West
Dave Weinbaum
George Will
Walter Williams
Byron York
ZeitGeist
Mort Zuckerman

Robert Arial
Chuck Asay
Baloo
Chip Bok
Dry Bones
Lisa Benson
John Branch
John Cole
J. D. Crowe
John Deering
Brian Duffy
Everything's Relative
Mallard Fillmore
Glenn Foden
Jake Fuller
Bob Gorrel
Walt Handelsman
Joe Heller
David Hitch
Jerry Holbert
David Horsey
Lee Judge
Steve Kelley
Jeff Koterba
Dick Locher
Chan Lowe
Jimmy Margulies
Jack Ohman
Michael Ramirez
Drew Sheneman
Kevin Siers
Jeff Stahler
Scott Stantis
Ed Stein
Danna Summers
John Trever
Gary Varvel
Kirk Walters
Dan Wasserman

Mr. Know-It-All
Ask Doctor K
Richard Lederer
Frugal Living
Tech Maven
On Nutrition
Bookmark These
Bruce Williams
|