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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Nov. 30, 2007 / 20 Kislev 5768

Poke eye, start winking

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Just because I'm winking at you doesn't mean I think you're cute. It means I have a new contact lens. That's right. Just one.


Who can afford two? Putting kids through college isn't cheap.


I finally got fed up with hunting down glasses each time I wanted to read something.


One day, I thought, what I really need is to shove my reading glasses right into my eyes. Then it dawned on me, they've already done that and they're called contact lenses.


Problem is, I have an aversion to sticking things in my eye. Not just my finger, anything really, knee, elbow, toe, chopsticks, clothes hangers, Boeing 747s.


What did you always hear growing up? "Don't run with those scissors, you could trip and poke your eye."


"What's that? You took a toothpick from the restaurant? You have a toothpick in the car! Are you crazy? Somebody get that away from her! She could poke her eye!"


And then someone invented contact lenses and soon everyone was poking themselves in the eye like it was a natural, everyday occurrence and something was wrong with you if you didn't want to wear contacts and poke yourself in the eye.


Never had the desire. Until now. Until 6s and 8s looked alike on clothing tags, until I couldn't read a magazine, prescription bottle or food label without doing a three-room search for glasses. So I decided, hey, why not just poke myself in the eye?


The eye doctor's assistant watched me struggle as I attempted to put a contact lens in one eye for reading. I managed to stick it to my lower lid, my upper lid, my eyebrow, the side of my nose and even lost it on the floor. Finally, the assistant knocked my head back, pulled my eyelid open and wham! There it was — the world in 10-point Times Roman.

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I grabbed the nearest magazine, which happened to be Golf, opened to a back page with small type and began reading aloud. "If you think you might benefit from Viagra — "


I snatched a Good Housekeeping . . . "place the pork loin in a 9 x 13 glass baking dish . . ."


I now pull tags from the back of people's clothing just to read the size and fabric content. "Size L, 100 percent pima cotton. Made in Jordan."


I read menus in darkened restaurants as a hobby. "The chipotle quesadilla comes with melted cheese, onions, grilled jalapenos and your choice of beef, chicken or pork." Is that poetry, or what?


And the phone book, don't get me started on the phone book. Actually I already did and I'm in the Bs.


It's great. All except the winking. I find myself frequently blinking my eye with the contact.


The bag boy at the grocery store, who also plays in a punk rock band, thinks I'm hot for him because I winked when he asked, "Paper or plastic?"


At church on Sunday, the teaching was on marriage and family. There I sat, making eye contact with the minister and winking.


I have become the community hussy.


It's not all bad. I flashed a parking stub to get out of a pay lot and the older man in the booth said I was close enough to 30 minutes that I didn't have to pay.


"Why, thank you," I said.


He just smiled. And winked.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Pass the Faith, Please" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

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© 2007, Lori Borgman

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