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May 24, 2012
Jeff Jacoby: The peace process battered Israel's reputation
Michael Muskal: 'Pro-choice' position hits record low, according to poll
Chris Farrell: Are We in a Tech Bubble?
The Kosher Gourmet by Penelope Wall: PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS --- hold the steak!
May 23, 2012
Tony Pugh: More private colleges offering tuition discounts
Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You
Tina Susman: The wig wasn't enough: Man gets 13 years for posing as his dead mom
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right
May 22, 2012
Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide
Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili
May 21, 2012
Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks
Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security?
Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy?
Guy Jackson : Victim's father regrets death of Lockerbie bomber
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: Famed chef's veal shoulder farsumagru: A festive meat course for late spring
May 18, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: Striving: The People of the Book's Book for (All of) the People
Steven Goldberg: 5 Great Stock Picks and the Exchange-Traded Fund that Owns Them
Mary Pickett, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Don't be forced into gluten-free lifestyle based merely on a doctor's false-positive test
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: DIY healthy lunchbox treats: HOMEMADE FRUIT BARS for kids and brown-bagging adults alike
May 17, 2012
Warren Richey: Teacher fired for being unwed and pregnant can sue religious school, court rules
Josh Mitnick: Netanyahu's 'centrist' coalition is already proving it's anything but
Steven Goldberg: Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Amina Khan: Research links coffee to lower death rates
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Duran : Cheesy Potato Breakfast Casserole with Cheddar and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
May 16, 2012
Carmen Terzic, M.D., Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: A variety of exercises can help improve balance
Melissa Healy: National strategy on Alzheimer's disease aims to halt it by 2025
The Kosher Gourmet by Joyce White : GOODNESS GRACIOUS: GREENS! 4 winning recipes that are no longer just for down-home folks (Includes expert tips & techniques)
May 15, 2012
Kristen Chick: Obama administration resumes arms sales to Bahrain despite serious unresolved human rights issues. Activists feel abandoned
Pat Mertz Esswein: Homes are now affordable again and mortgage rates are low. What you need to know before you buy
Kathy Kristof: Our Practical Investor Fights Inflation with These 6 Investments
Sue Hubbard, M.D.: The Kid's Doctor: Lactose intolerant young child? Check again
The Kosher Gourmet by Kathy Hunt: Spread a Little Excitement with EXOTIC CONDIMENTS (4 RECIPES)
May 14, 2012
Lisa Gerstner: How to Protect Your Identity, Finances If You Lose Your Phone
Harvard Health Letters: Heart disease and dementia
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: MANGO COCONUT OAT MORNING MUFFINS are a bright but hearty delight
May 11, 2012
Jessica L. Anderson: Get the Best Deal on a Used Car
Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli
The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON
May 10, 2012
Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square
Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity
Jeff Bertolucci: Get Home Phone Service for Less Than $10 a Month
The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare
May 9, 2012
Sharon Palmer, R.D. How you can reduce your risk -- or delay -- chronic diseases associated with aging
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Jewish World Review
Nov. 21, 2006
/ 30 Mar-Cheshvan, 5767
No shot, Sherlock
By
Gene Weingarten
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The principal difference between us journalists and ordinary people is that we journalists will shamelessly flaunt our abilities to use "we" and "us" correctly.
Actually, there is a more significant distinction: Compared with you, we have more finely honed observational skills. This is not meant to be critical; it just so happens that some people are Sherlocks, and others are Watsons knuckleheaded, mealy-mouthed, jowly, boring sidekicks.
I was thinking about this the other day when, out on a walk with my dog, I found a little black book. It was someone's address book; the owner's name didn't appear to be in it. I realized this would be an excellent opportunity to flex my deductive skills. Merely on the basis of the names in the book, I decided, I would create a full and accurate profile of the owner and then confirm it with a few phone calls.
The first thing I noticed this was key is that the entries were alphabetized not by last name but by first name. This rather quaint and charming conceit bespoke warmth and intimacy, and thus screamed "woman" to me. A man might refer to a friend as "Jones," but a woman talks about "Sally," who shouldn't be going out with that jerk Tom because he's all wrong for her.
My suspicion was confirmed when I found someone's name listed above the names and birthdays of her four children. (The Manual for the Modern Sensitive Male doesn't even have a chapter on having to know the birthdays of anyone else's kids. You are only required to know your own kids' birthdays, up to three.)
So, the "woman" part was easy enough. Even you might have bumbled along that far. But what kind of woman?
There were clues. I noticed that some of the names were carefully written, but some were scrawled in what appeared to be an unsteady hand. Perhaps a late-night-party-girl unsteady hand? And, yes, she's been around there were phone numbers from happening cities such as Los Angeles and New Orleans. Also, wedged in the pages was a business card for a photographer.
I turned my attention to other names, and found myself drawn to one in particular. Figuring there could be only one "Rock Rutley" in San Diego, I Googled him. He's a big-shot, surfer-dude cosmetic dentist, with a subspecialty in athletes!
So, recapping (as it were), we have a woman with perfect teeth and the money to obtain them a sophisticated woman who enjoys a good time and who is professionally photographed. Ergo, a model or an actress. And possibly an athlete, too, meaning a woman who might be able to watch a football game with you without once asking what inning it is, or why the referees' uniforms are so unattractive, or, 30 minutes into the game, "Which team are we rooting for, again?"
I'm guessing she's between 23 and 34, with chestnut hair. (Some of it is just reporter's intuition.)
At this point, I decided that journalistic protocols might require me to return this book personally. It only took a few calls to find my gal.
Her name is . . . Chip. He sells fruits and vegetables from an outdoor produce stand near my house.
Chip is my age, 55. He hawks veggies because it's a cash business, and he's still getting an unemployment check he doesn't want jeopardized. He's also a bartender who works at night, which explains the occasional in-the-dark scrawls. Those are his sister's kids' birthdays, because Uncle Chip had better damned well remember them, and he needs the help because his memory is lousy; for example, he can never remember people's last names, hence the first-name system.
The Dentist to the Stars? Chip and Rock Rutley were bartenders together years ago, when Rock was earning money to put himself through dental school. He worked on Chip's teeth real cheap, which was cool even if he didn't really know what he was doing yet. New Orleans? Chip once almost got popped there on charges of heisting a car, which was definitely a bum rap.
Okay, then. So my deductive abilities took a bit of a hit. So what? Us journalists can always fall back on the grammatical skills that got we where us are today.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.
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