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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Nov. 9, 2006 / 18 Mar-Cheshvan, 5767

I'm taking selling to a whole new level

By Malcolm Fleschner


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | "Do you want to make more money? Sure, we all do." You're no doubt familiar with the TV commercials for various employment "opportunities" that open this way, typically followed by footage of folks grinning widely over the small fortunes they're ostensibly earning in their spare time, or maybe while they sleep (the commercials aren't clear).


These ads always remind me of the summer in high school I went looking for a job and wound up in an office with a dozen other pimply teenagers listening to a guy with greased-back hair and a Members Only jacket tell us about all the money we could make selling silverware.


For an hour he talked up the brand of silverware and shared success stories about, for example, the college freshman who'd paid for his entire college education through one summer's work, the 18-year-old who'd made enough to travel the world, the high school junior who'd bought a new Vespa scooter, and so on.


Asked where we were supposed to find enough customers clamoring for new silverware to subsidize our expensive tastes in tuition, scooters and exotic travel, he responded that the company would start us off with something called the "F&R Method." This unique approach, no doubt developed by top minds in the marketing field, essentially consisted of us trying to sell silverware to our friends (F) and relatives (R).


That was enough for me. "If I could get money that easily out of my friends and relatives, why would I need a job?" I felt like asking. Instead I walked out, even though it meant missing the story of the eighth-grader who'd sold enough silverware to buy his own South Sea island.


This having been my only significant encounter with the business phenomenon known as multilevel marketing (business-speak for "a good way to lose friends"), I was understandably skeptical when my wife mentioned recently that she was considering signing up with a multilevel marketing outfit called Discovery Toys.


She noted that we already buy many of the company's toys as therapy tools for our developmentally delayed 2-year-old son, and that by becoming a "consultant," she could get the toys at a reduced cost. Not counting the cost of admitting to people that she'd gotten involved in multilevel marketing, that is.


So she went ahead, although I still had some misgivings. What if my wife expected me to promote the high quality, affordable and wildly popular Discovery Toys in my column, perhaps adding that they make terrific gifts for any kids on readers' shopping list this holiday season, which is right around the corner, I might add? Thankfully, she understands that as a journalist, I have too much integrity for that.


But now these concerns are gone, replaced by utter joy. That's because I've discovered a vast, untapped and captive customer base to try my new multilevel marketing sales tactics on - anyone who comes to my door requesting contribution to a cause, selling magazine subscriptions or inviting me to join a cult. Now, instead of slamming the door, I greet them with a wide grin.


"Yes, I am interested," I say, no matter what they're selling. "And, in fact, I think we can help each other out. Are you familiar with Discovery Toys? Well, they're absolutely terrific. Here, take a catalog.


"And as long as you're going door-to-door," I add, joining them outside, "why don't I tag along and distribute some catalogs to my neighbors? That will give you time to think about which toys to order."


No sales so far, but I'm confident that with persistence I'll soon earn my way into a new Vespa. Or at least a Members Only jacket.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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