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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Nov. 1, 2005 / 29 Tishrei, 5766

So, you want to work for Wal-Mart

By Lenore Skenazy


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | An internal Wal-Mart memo recently leaked to The New York Times showed the company musing on how to cut costs. The ideas kicked around included — for real — hiring more part-time workers to reduce the number of employees getting health benefits, and discouraging unhealthy people from applying, period. This could be done by making every job, including cashier, require some taxing physical activity, such as cart-gathering.

Elsewhere the memo proposed in-store clinics, so workers wouldn't waste time taking family members to the emergency room. It noted that workers were sicker than the general population, as they tended to be heavier. And it bemoaned the fact that loyal employees garnered raises over the years, but were no more productive than their entry-level counterparts.

Wal-Mart workers make around $17,500 a year and, the memo noted, "a significant percentage [are] on public assistance."

All that is real. This job application is not:


WAL-MART JOB APPLICATION

Part I

Name:

Nickname: (Note: If it's "Gimpy," "Stubby" or "Wheezy," please skip to Part IV. )

Age:

Weight:

Real weight, you big fat liar:

Part II

Check one:

  • I am willing to work half days.

  • I am willing to work quarter days.

  • I am willing to work every other hour, alternating with a mother of seven.

Do you

  • Smoke?

  • Drink?

  • Eat fatty foods?

  • Have you ever eaten hot dogs from the stand in the front of the store?
If yes, skip to Part IV.

Reason I would like to work at Wal-Mart:

  • Mom-and-pop grocery down the street where I used to work just closed.

  • Dress shop where I used to work just closed.

  • Furniture store where I used to work just closed.

  • Nothing left to pawn.

  • Nothing left in fridge.

  • I am seeking enlightenment and have taken a vow of poverty.

  • Just seems like a great place to work! (If checked, please fill out Form 198-A: Psychiatric Issues.)
Do you have any children? Yes/No

If yes, would you be willing to have your sick child seen by a Wal-Mart doctor/frozen entree department supervisor?

Would you consider alternative medicine, such as a shot of NyQuil and your choice of a Great Values frozen dinner?

Are you able to lift heavy things (not including your jumbo-size self, that is)?

Fill in the blanks: I am eager to help gather carts despite chronic problems with my ——— that cause painful ——— that sometimes leak.

Part III

  • The Wal-Mart Pledge: I promise to leave this job any time I am in line for a raise and send my younger sibling, child or, where applicable, grandchild to replace me at an entry level salary, preferably part-time.

  • I will not sue Wal-Mart even if I spend my nights locked in the store.

  • I will not sue Wal-Mart even if I am a woman making less than any of the men around me.

  • I will go on a diet, take vitamins, do pushups and move into a dank cave on the outskirts of town all for the sake of boosting the Walton family higher up the "Richest Humans in the World" list. (If no, please skip to Part IV.)

Part IV: Try Kmart.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lenore Skenazy is a columnist for The New York Daily News. Comment by clicking here.

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© 2005, NY Daily News

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