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Nov. 19, 2009
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Nov. 17, 2009
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Nov. 16, 2009
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : When borrowing is stealing
JWisdom.com: Deconstructing faith with Rabbi Warren Goldstein (9 minutes)
Nov. 13, 2009
JWisdom.com Sarah's subjective reality with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 6 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: Obama's failure, Netanyahu's opportunity
Nov. 12, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet By Marialisa Calta : A sweet sweet potato treat
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Nov. 11, 2009
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JWisdom.com If the creation so loudly shouts the existence of the Creator, why aren't more people believers? with Rabbi Naftali Brawer (9 minutes)
Nov. 9, 2009
Mark Steyn: Shooter exposes hole in U.S. terror strategy
JWisdom.com It's never too late to have a happy childhood with Sarah Chana Radcliffe (5 minutes)
Nov. 6, 2009
Rabbi Berel Wein: Choosing to hear
JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick The mullahs' big week
Suzanne Fields A Fallen Wall for Fallen Man
Nov. 5, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet: Three scrumptious -- but simple -- butternut squash dishes
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
Tom Hamburger and Kim Geiger: Should prayers be covered?
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
Martin Peretz: Beware, Barack. Beware, Rahm. Beware, Axelrod
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater? With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The Holocaust is now on Facebook
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review Nov. 1, 2005 / 29 Tishrei, 5766

So, you want to work for Wal-Mart

By Lenore Skenazy


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | An internal Wal-Mart memo recently leaked to The New York Times showed the company musing on how to cut costs. The ideas kicked around included — for real — hiring more part-time workers to reduce the number of employees getting health benefits, and discouraging unhealthy people from applying, period. This could be done by making every job, including cashier, require some taxing physical activity, such as cart-gathering.

Elsewhere the memo proposed in-store clinics, so workers wouldn't waste time taking family members to the emergency room. It noted that workers were sicker than the general population, as they tended to be heavier. And it bemoaned the fact that loyal employees garnered raises over the years, but were no more productive than their entry-level counterparts.

Wal-Mart workers make around $17,500 a year and, the memo noted, "a significant percentage [are] on public assistance."

All that is real. This job application is not:


WAL-MART JOB APPLICATION

Part I

Name:

Nickname: (Note: If it's "Gimpy," "Stubby" or "Wheezy," please skip to Part IV. )

Age:

Weight:

Real weight, you big fat liar:

Part II

Check one:

  • I am willing to work half days.

  • I am willing to work quarter days.

  • I am willing to work every other hour, alternating with a mother of seven.

Do you

  • Smoke?

  • Drink?

  • Eat fatty foods?

  • Have you ever eaten hot dogs from the stand in the front of the store?
If yes, skip to Part IV.

Reason I would like to work at Wal-Mart:

  • Mom-and-pop grocery down the street where I used to work just closed.

  • Dress shop where I used to work just closed.

  • Furniture store where I used to work just closed.

  • Nothing left to pawn.

  • Nothing left in fridge.

  • I am seeking enlightenment and have taken a vow of poverty.

  • Just seems like a great place to work! (If checked, please fill out Form 198-A: Psychiatric Issues.)
Do you have any children? Yes/No

If yes, would you be willing to have your sick child seen by a Wal-Mart doctor/frozen entree department supervisor?

Would you consider alternative medicine, such as a shot of NyQuil and your choice of a Great Values frozen dinner?

Are you able to lift heavy things (not including your jumbo-size self, that is)?

Fill in the blanks: I am eager to help gather carts despite chronic problems with my ——— that cause painful ——— that sometimes leak.

Part III

  • The Wal-Mart Pledge: I promise to leave this job any time I am in line for a raise and send my younger sibling, child or, where applicable, grandchild to replace me at an entry level salary, preferably part-time.

  • I will not sue Wal-Mart even if I spend my nights locked in the store.

  • I will not sue Wal-Mart even if I am a woman making less than any of the men around me.

  • I will go on a diet, take vitamins, do pushups and move into a dank cave on the outskirts of town all for the sake of boosting the Walton family higher up the "Richest Humans in the World" list. (If no, please skip to Part IV.)

Part IV: Try Kmart.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lenore Skenazy is a columnist for The New York Daily News. Comment by clicking here.

Lenore Skenazy Archives

© 2005, NY Daily News

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