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Nov, 20, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: Bronfman's blindness

The Kosher Gourmet By Linda Gassenheimer: Portobellos add a hearty flavor to pasta with pesto

Nov, 19, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Spread the wealth? Jewish tradition and income equality

Elliot B. Gertel: 'Mad Men': Tackling prejudices or reinforcing them?

Nov, 18, 2008

Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn: The End of the Age of Reason

Jonathan Tobin: Does Barack + Bibi = Disaster?

Nov, 17, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The End of the Age of Reason

Diana West: Gulling Americans into making terror legit?

Nov, 14, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: The Power of Spiritual Inertia

Caroline B. Glick: The perils ahead

Nov, 13, 2008

Stratfor Intelligence Briefing: How Bush and Obama together could change the Middle East dynamic

The Kosher Gourmet by JeanMarie Brownson: Sweet and savory, crispy and meltingly tender bestilla

Nov, 12, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Tyrannical Co-Workers

Michael Doyle: High Court to consider today donated monuments that may have religious messages in public parks

Nov, 11, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Will Obama stop government officials considering institutionalizing financial jihad?

Jonathan Tobin: They Will Decide Their Own Fate

Nov, 10, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: $8 billion, modern-day Tower of Babel being built?

Barry Rubin: A letter to the president-elect from a Middle East realist

Nov, 7, 2008

Rabbi Francis Nataf: Of Children and Immortality

Caroline B. Glick: Livni's Obama strategy

Nov, 6, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: How I tricked a classroom of apathetic students into grasping the fallacy of moral relativism

The Kosher Gourmet By Gina Kim: Tips for making the perfect soup --- includes recipes

Nov, 5, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Destitute Debtors

Bruce Weinstein: 'Religulos': Bad title,even worse movie

Nov, 4, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Treasury Dept. submits to Shariah law

Frida Ghitis: A surprise for Obama in the Middle East

Nov, 3, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Who says Jews are Smart?

Jonathan Tobin: Was He Wrong About Everything?

Oct. 31, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: Our Immutable Noble Essence

Caroline B. Glick: Running against Bush

Oct. 30, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: The End of the Special Relationship?

Steve Lipman: 'Kid Kosher' Gets A Title Shot

Oct. 29, 2008

Binyamin L. Jolkovsky: GET US THE TAPE THE L.A. TIMES REFUSES TO RELEASE, AND WE'LL GIVE YOU CASH!

Dr. Ari Korenblit: Making The Write Choice for President

Oct. 28, 2008

Mona Charen: Denial runs through American Jewry

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Sell-off to capitalism or sell-out to Islam?

Oct. 27, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Are tax deductions for charitable donations moral?

Jonathan Mark: The Mystery Of The Arab-American Vote

Oct. 24, 2008

'Why aren't all religious people vegetarians?': Response by Miriam Kosman

Caroline B. Glick: Testing Obama's mettle

Oct. 23, 2008

Daniel Pipes: Obama Would Fail Security Clearance

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: A fast chicken dish with an Asian accent

Oct. 20, 2008

Gary Rosenblatt: Still One Torah

Jonathan Tobin: Government 'Gifts' Are Not Free

Oct. 17, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Sukkos and the Great Meltdown

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of law

Oct. 16, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Copying DVDs: RIP OR RIPOFF?

Cal Thomas: Blaming the Jews (again)

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review Nov. 29, 2005 / 27 Mar-Cheshvan, 5766

What would happen if we left Iraq

By James Lileks


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The House of Representatives may have voted overwhelmingly to stay the course in Iraq, but that doesn't mean a goodly dollop of Democrats don't want to bug out tomorrow. What we don't hear is what the left thinks would happen after we scurry out of Mesopotamia.


When some Democrats insist Iraq is another Vietnam, they betray their own tone-deaf sense of history: That implies withdrawal would lead to totalitarianism, death camps, a desperate exodus and a sense of gut-shot failure piercing America's self-image. That seems OK with the left, because they promise not to spit on the vets this time. Deal?


Perhaps they're right. Perhaps immediate retreat is the best course of action. Let's consider what will surely happen.


WEEK ONE


In a stunning display of logistical ingenuity, the entire coalition force retraces its steps backward from Baghdad to Kuwait, driving in reverse. (To placate an ally, troops are not allowed to retreat to Turkey.) The U.S. military hands over the keys to the installations, apologizes for the condition of the stove and some holes in the wall, and agrees not to ask for the return of the damage deposit. The Iraqis are warned that a special strike force will be right over the horizon in case anything happens, so keep it down.


On the way out, American forces bump into Syrian and Iranian soldiers, also in a hurry to leave. There are some comic moments — "After you!" "No, after YOU!" — but eventually everyone leaves Iraq to the Iraqis. The desert instantly blooms with a billion flowers, the power grid snaps on, and the oil pipelines heal themselves. Saddam hangs himself in his cell. All in all, a good start.


WEEK TWO


Zarqawi's forces, suspecting a ruse, consider blowing up two schools, three weddings and a funeral, just to see if any American forces respond. The No. 2 al-Qaida operative in Iraq — he had been No. 253 a week before, but promotion to the No. 2 spot has been rapid in recent months — begs Zarqawi to reconsider; the school is too close to a mosque, and it would be sinful to get blood on a holy structure. The insurgents decide to phone in a bomb threat, then stand outside the buildings and shout BOOM to gauge American response. Nothing happens. The Americans really are gone.


"Does this mean," asks one astonished insurgent, "that violence has worked?"


"No," Zarqawi says, shaking his head. "Violence never solves anything. It's the news coverage of the violence that works. But even now I am filled with shame that I have provided the networks with such grisly fare. Come, let us go to the prime minister and beg to be part of this grand experiment. Who among us does not burn to stand for election to the local school board? Come! The grueling routine of bylaws and compromise awaits!"


WEEK THREE


Representatives of al-Qaida meet with the Iraqi government, pledging to work for a free, democratic Iraq ruled by law. As a show of good faith, they release videos on the Internet that show them sewing the heads back on the necks of last week's victims. The Iraqi government relents, and forms a coalition government; Zarqawi is named ambassador to the United Nations, where he proposes a true investigation of the Oil for Food program.


WEEK FOUR


Osama bin Laden breaks his silence to issue a long, rambling fatwa.


"Whoa," he begins. "Totally: whoa. If you had merely ceded de facto control of the southern portion of Iraq, we would have been happy. But the whole country?


"Dude! You Crusaders and Zionists are too generous. Really, the ball is in our court now to make a good faith gesture. We hereby renounce all forms of terrorism — not because it doesn't work, but because it obviously does, and it would be unfair to press our advantage. Your example shames and inspires. Merry Christmas, infidels.


"P.S.: Now give us Andalusia or we nuke the Vatican. Yours very truly, Osama."

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor James Lileks is a columnist for the Minneapolis Star Tribune. Comment by clicking here.

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© 2005, James Lileks

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