In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Nov. 29, 2005 / 27 Mar-Cheshvan, 5766

What would happen if we left Iraq

By James Lileks

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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The House of Representatives may have voted overwhelmingly to stay the course in Iraq, but that doesn't mean a goodly dollop of Democrats don't want to bug out tomorrow. What we don't hear is what the left thinks would happen after we scurry out of Mesopotamia.

When some Democrats insist Iraq is another Vietnam, they betray their own tone-deaf sense of history: That implies withdrawal would lead to totalitarianism, death camps, a desperate exodus and a sense of gut-shot failure piercing America's self-image. That seems OK with the left, because they promise not to spit on the vets this time. Deal?

Perhaps they're right. Perhaps immediate retreat is the best course of action. Let's consider what will surely happen.


In a stunning display of logistical ingenuity, the entire coalition force retraces its steps backward from Baghdad to Kuwait, driving in reverse. (To placate an ally, troops are not allowed to retreat to Turkey.) The U.S. military hands over the keys to the installations, apologizes for the condition of the stove and some holes in the wall, and agrees not to ask for the return of the damage deposit. The Iraqis are warned that a special strike force will be right over the horizon in case anything happens, so keep it down.

On the way out, American forces bump into Syrian and Iranian soldiers, also in a hurry to leave. There are some comic moments — "After you!" "No, after YOU!" — but eventually everyone leaves Iraq to the Iraqis. The desert instantly blooms with a billion flowers, the power grid snaps on, and the oil pipelines heal themselves. Saddam hangs himself in his cell. All in all, a good start.


Zarqawi's forces, suspecting a ruse, consider blowing up two schools, three weddings and a funeral, just to see if any American forces respond. The No. 2 al-Qaida operative in Iraq — he had been No. 253 a week before, but promotion to the No. 2 spot has been rapid in recent months — begs Zarqawi to reconsider; the school is too close to a mosque, and it would be sinful to get blood on a holy structure. The insurgents decide to phone in a bomb threat, then stand outside the buildings and shout BOOM to gauge American response. Nothing happens. The Americans really are gone.

"Does this mean," asks one astonished insurgent, "that violence has worked?"

"No," Zarqawi says, shaking his head. "Violence never solves anything. It's the news coverage of the violence that works. But even now I am filled with shame that I have provided the networks with such grisly fare. Come, let us go to the prime minister and beg to be part of this grand experiment. Who among us does not burn to stand for election to the local school board? Come! The grueling routine of bylaws and compromise awaits!"


Representatives of al-Qaida meet with the Iraqi government, pledging to work for a free, democratic Iraq ruled by law. As a show of good faith, they release videos on the Internet that show them sewing the heads back on the necks of last week's victims. The Iraqi government relents, and forms a coalition government; Zarqawi is named ambassador to the United Nations, where he proposes a true investigation of the Oil for Food program.


Osama bin Laden breaks his silence to issue a long, rambling fatwa.

"Whoa," he begins. "Totally: whoa. If you had merely ceded de facto control of the southern portion of Iraq, we would have been happy. But the whole country?

"Dude! You Crusaders and Zionists are too generous. Really, the ball is in our court now to make a good faith gesture. We hereby renounce all forms of terrorism — not because it doesn't work, but because it obviously does, and it would be unfair to press our advantage. Your example shames and inspires. Merry Christmas, infidels.

"P.S.: Now give us Andalusia or we nuke the Vatican. Yours very truly, Osama."

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor James Lileks is a columnist for the Minneapolis Star Tribune. Comment by clicking here.


© 2005, James Lileks