Jewish World Review Nov. 10, 2005 / 8 Mar-Cheshvan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Pete Rose Jr. pleaded guilty in Nashville Monday to
distributing a steroid substitute pill called GBL. He will be
sentenced in February and could get from one to two years in
prison. His father bet a hundred thousand dollars on the unders.
Tom Cruise fired his sister as his publicist Monday after
one long year. His friends let out a sigh of relief. Fans who have
been worrying about him lately aren't concerned that he fired his
sister, they are just grateful he didn't marry her.
The New York Post on Monday reported research indicating
that moderate drinking is healthy for people over sixty. It's a
ritual by then. Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman only drinks on
special occasions, like whenever he sees wall-to-wall carpeting.
A Carnival Cruise liner full of American tourists was
attacked by pirates on Saturday night off the African coast of
Somalia. That settles it. The next time they decide to base a
cruise vacation on a movie they will not pick Black Hawk Down.
Prince Charles got a huge ovation at Martin Luther King
Middle School Monday in Berkeley. Like the great civil rights
leader the prince has a dream. It is that someday children both
black and white will stop asking him about Princess Diana.
Anti-war mom Cindy Sheehan picketed Kay Bailey Hutchison's
office on Monday. The protesters have made some mistakes. Last
week an anti-war march in Westwood blocked traffic on Wilshire
Boulevard and for two hours war fever swept the west side of Los
China on Monday shut down the Lunar Embassy Company in Beijing, which was selling land on the moon for thirty-seven dollars an acre including mineral rights. The Chinese government plans to send a manned flight to the moon in ten years. They believe as an article of faith that there must be cheaper labor out there somewhere.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton