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Nov. 23, 2009
JWisdom.com: Actually, it really is all about you with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff
Nov. 20, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: How to make every second of your life come first
Caroline B. Glick: Whither American Jewry
Nov. 19, 2009
Binyamin L. Jolkovsky: Please Listen to this Godcast (5 minutes)
Jonathan Tobin: ADL Crosses the Line with Report Bashing Obama Critics
Nov. 18, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: What Judaism has to say about the secret of the Mona Lisa's smile
JWisdom.com: The (Jewish) Dating Game with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (8 minutes)
Nov. 17, 2009
Steven Emerson: How Does the 4th Amendment Impact Terror Finance Investigations?
JWisdom.com: If Frank Sinatra married Edith Piaf with Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein (2 minutes) Life lessons from what would be regarded as the most inappropriate lyrics ever sung
Nov. 16, 2009
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : When borrowing is stealing
JWisdom.com: Deconstructing faith with Rabbi Warren Goldstein (9 minutes)
Nov. 13, 2009
JWisdom.com Sarah's subjective reality with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 6 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: Obama's failure, Netanyahu's opportunity
Nov. 12, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet By Marialisa Calta : A sweet sweet potato treat
JWisdom.com Does God get tired? with Rabbi Harvey Belovski ( 5 minutes)
Nov. 11, 2009
Rabbi Avi Shafran: Jews and money: When anti-Semitism isn't
JWisdom.com Marriages are not made in Heaven with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (VERY fast 15 minutes)
Nov. 10, 2009
Michael Doyle: Author of book exposing CAIR ordered to remove supporting documents from Web
JWisdom.com If the creation so loudly shouts the existence of the Creator, why aren't more people believers? with Rabbi Naftali Brawer (9 minutes)
Nov. 9, 2009
Mark Steyn: Shooter exposes hole in U.S. terror strategy
JWisdom.com It's never too late to have a happy childhood with Sarah Chana Radcliffe (5 minutes)
Nov. 6, 2009
Rabbi Berel Wein: Choosing to hear
JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick The mullahs' big week
Suzanne Fields A Fallen Wall for Fallen Man
Nov. 5, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet: Three scrumptious -- but simple -- butternut squash dishes
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
Tom Hamburger and Kim Geiger: Should prayers be covered?
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
Martin Peretz: Beware, Barack. Beware, Rahm. Beware, Axelrod
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater? With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The Holocaust is now on Facebook
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review Nov. 23, 2005 / 21 Mar-Cheshvan, 5766

Testing Mom's wisdom

By David Grimes

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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Now that British researchers have determined that "catching a chill" really does help colds develop, I thought it might be interesting to test some of Mom's other favorite sayings to see how they have withstood the test of time.

A little soap and water never killed anybody. Blatantly untrue. In 1996, Herman Figgingbotham inhaled a concentrated slurry of water and Palmolive Gold and died an excruciating death. The fact that Figgingbotham was a manic-depressive and had been trying, with no luck, to kill himself for years is of no importance. Today's moms advise: "A moist towelette applied in a judicious manner will seldom lead to fatal outcomes."

Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident. Pure nonsense. The last thing you should be worrying about after you've been in an accident is the spotlessness of your Fruit of the Looms. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I know you two have been married for 50 years but we refused to resuscitate your husband because we noticed that he had a small stain on the backside of his shorts. Please accept our deepest regrets and a complimentary box of Tide."

Don't run with scissors in your hand. Probably good advice, but you've got to think that children who spend a lot of time running around with scissors in their hands have larger issues going on. Like maybe your son is not so much artistically inclined as he is predisposed to homicidal urges. We suggest counseling, and soon.

If it were a snake it would have bitten you. What kind of image is this to place in the mind of a child? That the house is lousy with asps and cottonmouths? Life is scary enough when you're a kid without imagining that a cobra is going to launch itself at your neck every time you have difficulty locating the mustard jar in the refrigerator.

If you're too full to finish your dinner you're too full for dessert. This is not necessarily true. Something strange can and often does happen to a child's digestive system sometime between the time when the last lima bean is pushed across the plate and the time that the chocolate cake is served. Mothers have no way of knowing when a child's stomach has achieved "fullness" and therefore should cease speculating upon it.

If everyone jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Possibly. Peer-group pressure can be a very powerful thing. It also depends on the height of the cliff and the surface that you will be landing upon below. A jump off a 3-foot cliff into a cool lake is quite different from jumping off a 1,000-foot cliff onto jagged rocks. Moms too often fail to thoroughly assess a situation.

You have enough dirt behind those ears to grow potatoes. Almost always an exaggeration. I cannot say, precisely, how much dirt is required to grow a baking-size potato, but I'm willing to bet it's more than you'll find behind the ears of your average unwashed 8-year-old. Button mushrooms, maybe, but a full-sized Idaho? Almost certainly an overstatement.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor David Grimes is a columnist for The Sarasota Herald Tribune. Comment by clicking here.

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