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Jewish World Review Nov. 3, 2005 / 1 Mar-Cheshvan, 5765 Housing bubble? You bet By Brad Dickson
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Just when you think Americans haven't jumped on the housing boom bandwagon fast enough by virtue of buying homes quick as they go for sale, and purchasing condos in bizarre, foreign places like Baja, Mexico, Costa Rica and Idaho, sight unseen off the creepy Internet, comes a wonderful new opportunity — betting on the housing market.
An online gaming house is now offering odds on whether quarterly home prices will surpass or sink below where the website's oddsmakers see them going.
So in addition to scooping up second homes, refinancing to the hilt, and engaging in bidding wars for domiciles comparable to the Unabomber's former shack (which I understand just closed escrow) we can now literally gamble on housing.
Why stop here? The housing market continues to be the hot button national issue. Amid new talk the alleged bubble may or may not be bursting let's offer gambling on the following:
The next time Alan Greenspan sneezes in public will analysts conclude what he's actually conveying is, "There's irrational exuberance taking place and everyone who owns a home will soon be in the poor house"? Or, will they surmise, "By expectorating vociferously into that hanky Greenspan was trying to send a message that real estate is a froth-free investment and anybody with twelve bucks to their name should be in it"?
After the Harriet Miers mess will the housing market surge anew in relief that President Bush didn't nominate his suck up mountain bike repairman Benny to replace retiring Fed Chief Greenspan?
At this time eighteen months from now will everyone with the exception of lotto winners be priced out of the housing market?
Will buying a home at these high prices eventually make my decision four years ago to sink half my life savings into those Segway scooters we were all supposed to be riding around in by now look like a sound investment?
In light of the fact people entering the profession are increasing exponentially, a decade from now will more Americans have real estate licenses or drivers licenses?
Will Realtors continue to bring up the rear behind car salesmen, cattle rustlers, infomercial pitchmen and pro wrestlers with the word "Sheik" in their names, on the list of Professions I Trust The Least?
Will mortgage brokers come out with a creative loan so flexible zoo chimpanzees whose sole currency is banana peels qualify for something called a "30-Year Adjustable Rate Monkey Mortgage"?
In the future will getting a home loan continue to be less difficult than getting a cab?
Will the housing market eventually adjust so much it makes the dot-com meltdown in the year 2000 look like a slow garage sale?
Down the road will people with adjustable rate mortgages all have the exact same expressions as trick or treaters in those Scream costumes the other night?
Ten years from now will folks who buy homes at today's prices be compared to those folks who quit six-figure jobs around 1998 to trade Beanie Babies full time?
Yes or No? Will folks always drive past homes with a "For Sale By Owner" sign and conclude "Cheapo!"
Yes or No? Will I continue to be banned from open houses in my area because I only go for the free cookies and to laugh at my neighbors' outdated carpet and sickly drapes?
Will the phrase "A man's home is his castle" soon be replaced by the phrase "A man's home is his emotionally lacerating black hole that sucks up every last ounce of strength and integrity he has left"?
I'm toying with sticking a For Sale sign on the shed behind my home where garden tools are stored. If I call it an "entry-level, sized-for-romance, fixer-upper for those tired of paying rent" will anybody be stupid enough to buy it? (I live in California.)
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© 2005, Brad Dickson |
Arnold Ahlert | |||||||||||
