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May 22, 2013
John Thorne:
They launched the 'Arab Spring' but now yearn for the good old days of a strongman
May 20, 2013
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Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be
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Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas
Warren Richey: Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate
Fred Weir: At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad
The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross : Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility
May 6, 2013
May 3, 2013
Kids, kittens the Same? With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell
Sandy Kleffman: Artificial kidney offers hope to patients tethered to a dialysis machine
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Roy Gutman: Poland's new Jewish museum celebrates life, doesn't revisit Holocaust
Mark Clayton: Terrorism in America: Is US missing a chance to learn from failed plots?
Kim Murphy: Boston Bomber's 'Svengali' Revealed
Pete Spotts: Tiny satellites + cellphones = cheaper 'eyes in the sky' for NASA
April 26, 2013
Clifford D. May: Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism
Sharon Palmer, R.D.: How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty
April 24, 2013
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Jewish World Review
President Trump kept it classy
By
Jim Mullen
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Donald Trump was born in a 300-room log cabin in Trumptown, (formerly Queens) N.Y., in 1946 and elected President of the United States in 2012. From his humble beginnings as the son of an extremely wealthy real estate developer, he lifted himself up by his Ugg bootstraps to become an extremely wealthy real estate developer. His struggle to remain rich taught him many life lessons that came in handy on his way to the highest office in the land.
His winning campaign slogan expressed his entire philosophy in eight simple but electrifying words: "If you don't vote for me, you're stupid." Confounding the pundits, he won the stupid vote by an astounding 80 points over his opponent.
In his inaugural address he promised that no matter what happened, he would remain classy. He then cut his speech short so the reigning Miss Topless Trump USA could do her baton twirling routine. Few Americans that saw it will ever forget where they were that day.
Trump was the first president to refuse to live in the White House, which he referred to as "that dump," because it was not classy enough. Instead he built his own presidential residence in Atlantic City, now known to one and all as the Trump House, which has been used by U.S. presidents ever since. Trump bought the now-empty White House in 2016 and turned it into a casino. It is also a popular wedding venue, especially famous for its breathtaking drive-thru Elvis chapel.
Trump's first term was marred by the fact that he didn't put his money into a blind trust as previous presidents had done. His TV show "Celebrity Cabinet Member" also raised eyebrows, some critics thinking it was a bad way to pick department heads. But to everyone's surprise, it seemed to work just as well as the old way.
Saying that government had to be run like a business, Trump eliminated all government programs that did not make a profit. The armed forces were forced to hire out their services to other countries to pay their bills. The United States Army, Inc., is now fighting in 64 countries around the world and turns an annual profit of $40 billion. Their dictator buy-one-get-ones are extremely popular.
Selling the profit-squandering National Parks was a "no-brainer," he said. He even bought one himself. Trump Acres (formerly Yellowstone National Park) "will be the classiest development in the world," he bragged. "Instead of being a tax burden, it will be a tax benefit."
Though busy through most of his first and second terms designing the self-financed Trump Monument, still the world's largest statue at twice the size of Lady Trump (formerly known as the Statue of Liberty), and running his various casinos and real estate holdings, President Trump still managed to pass a bill to eliminate taxes on current and former presidents who were also real estate developers.
"This way, more people like myself will be able to be president. After all, why should I take a pay cut to help make the country a better place for me?"
Taking a page from sports venues, Trump sold the naming rights to airports and train stations to advertisers.
Pepsi One (formerly Air Force One) now flies the president for free on his many business/government trips, and the presidential limousine now has more advertising painted on it than a stock car.
Despite the long hours and the hard work of being classy, he kept his sense of humor. His appointment of Diana Ross to the Supreme Court was a typical jocular moment in his presidency.
"Get it?" he said to the senator from the state of Proctor & Gamble (formerly Ohio), "A Supreme on the Supreme Court! I think you can expect to see some classy new robes soon."
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Comment by clicking here.
Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo."
Previously:
Stalking your college kid won't change a thing
Putting my life in Jeopardy
Mo' government, mo' problems
iLostIt
Dressed for excess
Expert tease
The mysteries of Jersey
You are a toilet, where am I?
Don't we all cheat at the game of life?
What happens when I forget where Google is?
Don't let the doorman hit you on the way out
Picasso fiasco
Purple (hair) Daze
Let me hear your body talk
Working from work
Babies deserve clean restrooms, too
3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past
Money-making ideas on the fly
Collecting and hoarding
Chain of fools
Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them
You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't
e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic
A pose by any other name
Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers
He loves only gold, only gold
Think about direction, wonder why …
Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet
More like wack Friday
The good, the ad and the ugly
The desert of the real
Let books be large and in charge
I was insulting people way before the Internet
GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left!
Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high
Music to my ears it's not
You don't light up my life
Fair or not: Country living is far from Little House
A parable for the ages
Top 100 Cable news stories of the century
Green dumb
A developing story
Thinking outside the lunch box
What's good for the goose is good for the scanner
Newspapers will survive, but network TV?
A really big show of generation gaps
When pigs flu
The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated
Mergers and admonitions
Invest in gold: little, yellow, different
Stuck in Folsom Penthouse
Collecting karma
Setting loose the creative juice
It's all in the numbers
You're damaging your brain with practical skills
The real rat pack
The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic
Gross-ery shopping
© 2009, NEA
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