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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

President Trump kept it classy

By Jim Mullen




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Donald Trump was born in a 300-room log cabin in Trumptown, (formerly Queens) N.Y., in 1946 and elected President of the United States in 2012. From his humble beginnings as the son of an extremely wealthy real estate developer, he lifted himself up by his Ugg bootstraps to become an extremely wealthy real estate developer. His struggle to remain rich taught him many life lessons that came in handy on his way to the highest office in the land.

His winning campaign slogan expressed his entire philosophy in eight simple but electrifying words: "If you don't vote for me, you're stupid." Confounding the pundits, he won the stupid vote by an astounding 80 points over his opponent.

In his inaugural address he promised that no matter what happened, he would remain classy. He then cut his speech short so the reigning Miss Topless Trump USA could do her baton twirling routine. Few Americans that saw it will ever forget where they were that day.

Trump was the first president to refuse to live in the White House, which he referred to as "that dump," because it was not classy enough. Instead he built his own presidential residence in Atlantic City, now known to one and all as the Trump House, which has been used by U.S. presidents ever since. Trump bought the now-empty White House in 2016 and turned it into a casino. It is also a popular wedding venue, especially famous for its breathtaking drive-thru Elvis chapel.

Trump's first term was marred by the fact that he didn't put his money into a blind trust as previous presidents had done. His TV show "Celebrity Cabinet Member" also raised eyebrows, some critics thinking it was a bad way to pick department heads. But to everyone's surprise, it seemed to work just as well as the old way.

Saying that government had to be run like a business, Trump eliminated all government programs that did not make a profit. The armed forces were forced to hire out their services to other countries to pay their bills. The United States Army, Inc., is now fighting in 64 countries around the world and turns an annual profit of $40 billion. Their dictator buy-one-get-ones are extremely popular.

Selling the profit-squandering National Parks was a "no-brainer," he said. He even bought one himself. Trump Acres (formerly Yellowstone National Park) "will be the classiest development in the world," he bragged. "Instead of being a tax burden, it will be a tax benefit."

Though busy through most of his first and second terms designing the self-financed Trump Monument, still the world's largest statue at twice the size of Lady Trump (formerly known as the Statue of Liberty), and running his various casinos and real estate holdings, President Trump still managed to pass a bill to eliminate taxes on current and former presidents who were also real estate developers.

"This way, more people like myself will be able to be president. After all, why should I take a pay cut to help make the country a better place for me?"

Taking a page from sports venues, Trump sold the naming rights to airports and train stations to advertisers.

Pepsi One (formerly Air Force One) now flies the president for free on his many business/government trips, and the presidential limousine now has more advertising painted on it than a stock car.

Despite the long hours and the hard work of being classy, he kept his sense of humor. His appointment of Diana Ross to the Supreme Court was a typical jocular moment in his presidency.

"Get it?" he said to the senator from the state of Proctor & Gamble (formerly Ohio), "A Supreme on the Supreme Court! I think you can expect to see some classy new robes soon."

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Comment by clicking here.

Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo."


Previously:


Stalking your college kid won't change a thing
Putting my life in ‘Jeopardy’
Mo' government, mo' problems
iLostIt
Dressed for excess
Expert tease
The mysteries of Jersey
‘You are a toilet, where am I?’
Don't we all cheat at the game of life?
What happens when I forget where Google is?
Don't let the doorman hit you on the way out
Picasso fiasco
Purple (hair) ‘Daze’
Let me hear your body talk
Working from work
Babies deserve clean restrooms, too
3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past
Money-making ideas on the fly
Collecting and hoarding
Chain of fools
Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them
You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't
e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic
A pose by any other name
Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers
‘He loves only gold, only gold’
Think about direction, wonder why …
Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet
More like ‘wack’ Friday
The good, the ad and the ugly
The desert of the real
Let books be large and in charge
I was insulting people way before the Internet
GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left!
Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high
Music to my ears it's not
You don't light up my life
Fair or not: Country living is far from ‘Little House’
A parable for the ‘ages’
Top 100 Cable news stories of the century
Green dumb
A developing story
Thinking outside the lunch box
What's good for the goose is good for the scanner
Newspapers will survive, but network TV?
A really big show of generation gaps
When pigs flu
The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated
Mergers and admonitions
Invest in gold: little, yellow, different
Stuck in Folsom Penthouse
Collecting karma
Setting loose the creative ‘juice’
It's all in the numbers
You're damaging your brain with practical skills
The real rat pack
The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic
Gross-ery shopping



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