Home
In this issue
April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Oct. 11, 2010 / 3 Mar-Cheshvan, 5771

Obama and his pals need some scarce Hopium for the next election

By John Kass

John Kass


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | As President Barack Obama returns home Thursday for some old-fashioned Chicago politics with his friends, let's make one thing perfectly clear.

America's Hopium farmers must increase production, because the nation's supply is dangerously low, and the November midterm elections are only weeks away.

Even my personal Obama Chia Heads don't produce as much Hopium as before. And this should worry the president.

Because as readers know, Hopium is the stuff that sends tingles up reporters' legs and keeps everybody, even taxpayers, feelin' all right.

If America has a Hopium deficit, we might have no way of altering political reality like we did a few years ago. And these days, reality bites.

There's the rotten economic news. Unemployment keeps rising and the federal deficit keeps increasing because politicians in Washington keep spending money that we don't have.

So in a few months, you might need half a bar of gold bullion just to buy a Happy Meal.

Then there are those federal tax hikes coming after the November elections — and don't tell me that reversing a tax cut isn't a tax hike. It's a sign to employers not to hire anyone, not even their idiot brothers-in-law.

The polls say congressional Democrats expect a serious thwacking. And Obama will be blamed by the same journalists who once felt those tingles at his approach.

Here in Illinois, we've got Alexi Giannoulias and Rahm Emanuel seeking the president's help so they can get elected. That way, hope can waft across the state and soothe our fears. Yes, we can.

Alexi, the famed Broadway Bank loan officer with those mob loans dragging him down, sure needs Obama to raise some big money at Thursday's fundraiser. I'm betting on a staged man-hug for TV, with a couple of shoulder slaps. But open mikes can be treacherous, so they probably won't be whispering, "Dude, how's Tony?"

Remember Tony Rezko? He's Obama's personal real estate fairy and loyal customer of the Giannoulias family's now-failed Broadway Bank. Rezko is also the convicted influence peddler who might testify in the retrial of former Gov. Rod Blagojevich.

So fill a bowl of Hopium and tell me the story of how we had all transcended the broken politics of the past.

And Rahm? Barack's former chief of staff is now on a "tell it like it is" listening tour, while pondering a run for mayor of Chicago.

He was at Izola's Restaurant on the South Side the other day, sitting beneath a smiling portrait of Chicago's first black mayor, the late Harold Washington.

Without Hopium, you might think that some crafty public relations types set up the news photo, since black voters haven't exactly warmed up to Rahm.

But with Hopium, the photo looks remarkably different. You can see Washington's lips moving as he looks fondly down upon Rahm. You can hear his deep voice cutting through the Hopium clouds:

"Rahm Emanuel, you are my spiritual and political son, and you are without question my choice to lead this city against the antediluvian dodo heads. Barack says you'd make a terrific mayor. So what if you haven't lived in the city for most of your life? You just got a condo, my man!"

What I wanted to see was an animated Harold with the lips moving like in those old Conan O'Brien skits. That would really help Rahm connect with Chicago.

So as I pondered the photo, I did the prudent thing. I grabbed a pair of round-edged safety scissors and reached for the two Obama Chia heads in my office — both the Happy Obama and the Determined Obama — and prepared to harvest some crops.

But there was no bounty.

Both the Happy and Determined Obama heads once were lush with great greenfros of Hopium.

Yet now, they're dry and bare. Only stems and twigs remain.

Taxpayers could sure have used some Hopium the other day, after they heard the audio of Giannoulias' appearance at a Tribune editorial board meeting.

The Democrat was asked a simple question: If you'd been in the Senate the past two years, what federal spending would you have opposed?

"Well, that's a good question," Giannoulias said. "I think, looking at where we've been over the last decade, the amount of money this nation spent, the exploding deficits and national debt that we're facing, I think there are obviously a number of issues that have come up."

But what federal spending would you have voted against?

"Voted against?" asked Giannoulias, stammering. "Um ... specifically? You're talking specifically, or ...?"

Was it excruciatingly painful to hear? Specifically, yes.

But that was without Hopium.

After a couple of tokes trimmed from the Happy Obama Chia Head, anyone listening to his comments would have heard a different Giannoulias answer, one perhaps a bit more Marleyesque:

"Rise up this morning / Smile with the rising sun / three little birds pitch by my doorstep / singing sweet songs of melodies pure and true / Saying, this is my message to you, ooh, ooh:

"Singing don't worry about a thing / Cause every little thing gonna be all right / Singing don't worry ... gonna be all right."

OK, Bob Marley's answer is just as short on specifics as Alexi's real answer. But isn't the Hopium-laced one more soothing, with the deficit spiraling out of control?

Specifically, there is less than a month until the elections. The president's political crew has got to be hoping that Americans find some more Hopium soon.

The supply is almost gone.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

John Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Comments by clicking here.



Previously:



09/14/10: Obama gets a little bossy with tacit endorsement of Emanuel
08/18/10: Dead Meat walking, but heat to be applied again
07/28/10: No verdict, but Blagojevich trial still has its winners, losers
07/26/10: Obama's fall guy in Shirley Sherrod case is Vilsack the Pooh
07/21/10: Loathing of Steinbrenner softens after his death
07/19/10: Summertime, and the race cards are easy
06/28/10: Does Congress have the guts to fix what court gutted? Honestly, no
12/17/09: Belt-tightening presidential aspirant leaves room for Spam
09/27/09: ACORN can teach the GOP a thing or 2
09/03/09: Blago as author gets it wrong yet again 06/22/09: Obama's latest political play should shock no one
06/17/09: Presidential satire takes Hopium break
06/11/09: E-Verify works, so, of course, let's not use it
06/09/09: First Lady Macbeth's the man, so in your face, Eminem
06/02/09: Judge Sotomayor would think me most unwise
05/12/09: Parents, enjoy this time, in all its creepiness
03/18/09: Stem cell policy shift brings a sinking feeling
03/09/09: Name That Blago Book contest names its winner
03/05/09: Contest: Name Blagojevich's book
02/16/09: Dems undercut aid for U.S. workers
01/20/09: Let the carving begin on Tombstone's tomb
01/12/09: Obama serves Reid taste of Chicago Way
01/02/09: Jesters don't pick up the race card in a nationally televised news conference and slam it into the face of every Dem in the Senate, a palm heel strike to the tip of the nose, leaving all of them watery-eyed, their lips stinging
12/24/08: Governor waxes poetic, but Combine rolls on
12/23/08: Got corruption? Get Jesse Junior G-Man
12/18/08: Will ‘feditis’ spread to Obama and Daley?
12/15/08: Man behind curtain is wizard of Rod, Rahm

© 2008, Chicago Tribune. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles