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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Oct. 14, 2010 / 6 Mar-Cheshvan, 5771

Readers get to meddle in lives of newlyweds , do they get the man chair or not?

By John Kass

John Kass


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | It's not every day that readers are invited to meddle in the affairs of two young newlyweds.

But my friend Wings and his lovely bride, Elizabeth, have just returned from their fantastic honeymoon in Spain. Other people are already meddling in their affairs, so you might as well join in, too.

First, there's the man chair issue.

And then the related question: Should men be dragged to Bed Bath & Beyond against their will so they can look at "just a few more things"?

As Meddler Numero Uno, I told Wings that to build a strong foundation for a happy marriage, he must get a man chair pronto.

Because if he doesn't, he might end up with the nesting tables instead. They're fine perches for violets and framed photographs and tasteful candle displays. But they're not a man chair.

And learned scientists have established that men who don't have a man chair to anchor them on the weekends often find themselves being dragged through the living hell that is Bed Bath & Beyond, often during the big game on TV.

If you don't believe me, just look at the couples in that store. The men are often shuffling, broken husks, mindlessly examining pillow shams, dust ruffles and "just a few more things, honey" for eons.

"Do you have a man chair?" Wings asked me, though he already knew the answer.

No, I said through clenched teeth.

Much to my everlasting shame, I do not have a man chair. Years ago, I didn't think it was important. What a fool.

"Don't listen to him," my wife told Wings over the phone. "Do what Elizabeth wants. Do what you want to do. Don't let John meddle."

Jeepers. That's a case of blatant reverse meddling if there ever was one. So I took Wings on a tour, that he might hear firsthand from older married guys.

"I don't have a man chair," said a burly fellow at the office, as other guys crowded around to hear his tale of woe. "I used to have one. I just loved my man chair."

What happened to your man chair?

"My wife made me give it away," he sighed. "It was a recliner. And she had the cats. She was worried that I'd kill her cats by reclining them to death."

Are the cats happy now?

"Oh, yeah, and my brother-in-law is happy, too, because I gave my chair to him, and he loves it," the guy said.

There was silence all around. We stared at our shoes rather than meet the poor guy's haunted eyes.

"So I don't have a man chair anymore," he said, before biting his lips to stifle a sob.

After that, Wings was quiet for a time, wondering whether those who do not learn from the mistakes of history are doomed to repeat them.

These days, he's a newlywed still aglow with the happiness of a fantastic wedding. And he still can't believe that a woman as great as Elizabeth actually married him.

But the saga of the guy who lost his man chair over the cats had a profound effect upon him, as he realized there are but two kinds of men in the world: Those who have man chairs, and those who wish they did.

Most young women surveyed said they didn't care if their men had man chairs. But a minority were stridently anti-man chair.

"I say no man chair," said a woman, as she hammered me with her frosty gaze. "No man chair."

Why the heck not?

"Well?" she asked, her voice rising. "Is there a WOMAN CHAIR?"

Naturally, I took the only course available. I ran away.

As everyone who has been married knows, honeymoons are nice, but they're not reality. And reality is the place where married couples live.

Reality wasn't where Betty and I took our Caribbean honeymoon centuries ago. And I was so mellow from languishing on white sands that when we got back, I didn't fully appreciate my man-chair deficit.

As for Wings and Elizabeth, what's realistic about the couple strolling through ancient Segovia? Sure, they lunched on the fantastic Spanish ham of the acorns. Yes, they sipped Ribera del Duero wine and nibbled suckling pig from their hotel balcony, watching the sun set over the ancient cathedral where Isabella was crowned queen of Spain.

It sounds lovely. But reality is what happens back home, when you decide on either the man chair or the nesting tables.

If it's nesting tables, you're compelled to festoon them with various objects, which leads us to the terror that is Bed Bath & Beyond.

"I just hate it," said another guy, whose wife is impervious to his piteous screams as she drives him to the mall. "You're standing there, and she asks you if you like the towels. I don't care what the towels look like, but she asks, and I pretend to have an opinion, If there's one thing I really hate, it's having to have an opinion about towels when I don't really care one way or another!"

So, do you have a man chair?

"No," said the guy.

Of course.

It's too late for guys like us.

But will my readers allow history to repeat itself for Wings and Elizabeth?

Do readers want him to get the man chair? Or will you doom the poor guy to the nesting tables and Bed Bath & Beyond?

Yes, it's their life.

But you're the meddlers. So let me know. Start meddling.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

John Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Comments by clicking here.



Previously:



10/11/10: Obama and his pals need some scarce Hopium for the next election
09/14/10: Obama gets a little bossy with tacit endorsement of Emanuel
08/18/10: Dead Meat walking, but heat to be applied again
07/28/10: No verdict, but Blagojevich trial still has its winners, losers
07/26/10: Obama's fall guy in Shirley Sherrod case is Vilsack the Pooh
07/21/10: Loathing of Steinbrenner softens after his death
07/19/10: Summertime, and the race cards are easy
06/28/10: Does Congress have the guts to fix what court gutted? Honestly, no
12/17/09: Belt-tightening presidential aspirant leaves room for Spam
09/27/09: ACORN can teach the GOP a thing or 2
09/03/09: Blago as author gets it wrong yet again 06/22/09: Obama's latest political play should shock no one
06/17/09: Presidential satire takes Hopium break
06/11/09: E-Verify works, so, of course, let's not use it
06/09/09: First Lady Macbeth's the man, so in your face, Eminem
06/02/09: Judge Sotomayor would think me most unwise
05/12/09: Parents, enjoy this time, in all its creepiness
03/18/09: Stem cell policy shift brings a sinking feeling
03/09/09: Name That Blago Book contest names its winner
03/05/09: Contest: Name Blagojevich's book
02/16/09: Dems undercut aid for U.S. workers
01/20/09: Let the carving begin on Tombstone's tomb
01/12/09: Obama serves Reid taste of Chicago Way
01/02/09: Jesters don't pick up the race card in a nationally televised news conference and slam it into the face of every Dem in the Senate, a palm heel strike to the tip of the nose, leaving all of them watery-eyed, their lips stinging
12/24/08: Governor waxes poetic, but Combine rolls on
12/23/08: Got corruption? Get Jesse Junior G-Man
12/18/08: Will ‘feditis’ spread to Obama and Daley?
12/15/08: Man behind curtain is wizard of Rod, Rahm

© 2008, Chicago Tribune. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.

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