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Jewish World Review Oct. 25, 2010 / 17 Mar-Cheshvan, 5771 Readers: I Need Your Help with my Rabbi By Alan Douglas
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Dear JWR Readers,
Let me know what you think happened and what (if anything) I should do about it. Here is the situation…
My Columbus Day column, "Columbus, Honors and Hound Dogs" discussed how awards are often given in recognition of a profession or position rather than personal achievement. I said, "Religious leaders, corporate presidents, judges and deans are exalted because we appreciate their professions or power." In addition to appearing on the Jewish World Review website this column was emailed to readers who sent me emails, friends, relatives, etc. So I do not become a pest, I do not Twitter or place Facebook postings to others, but only email one column each month. My friend the Dean responded to the emailed column with a favorable response. My friend the Judge, and my nephew the Rabbi did not comment. They may not have read it, which could turn out to be a good thing. I definitely heard from my Rabbi. The Rabbi that leads my congregation sent me an email in response to this column which simple said, "Please remove me from your distribution list."
What does this mean, and what do you think I should do? Dr. Seuss says, "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" but I am sensitive to this response, curious, and a bit worried. Here are the alternative scenarios I've thought of thus far:
2. Perhaps my Rabbi got fed up in general with my columns or me.
3. My Rabbi had a bad day and got fed up with the world, including me.
4. My Rabbi's cup and spam filter doth runneth over, so my column was circumcised.
5. He has no idea who I am and that I am a member of his congregation.
6. Today's world of segmented marketing exalts Frequent Platinum Members with the rest of us standing in long lines at the bank, airport and Disney World and thankful for any attention we can get from a WalMart greeter. My donation and participation at the synagogue only entitle me to Bronze Level benefits and sending emails to the Rabbi is at the Platinum Level.
7. It could be that my Rabbi somehow learned about that time in college when I … Consultation with my "brain trust" yielded the following results…..My wife thinks number five scenario is most likely. She added that there are days when she is tempted to try and get off my list. My friend and fellow temple member Steve wanted to know if there was more to it and suggested a full investigation and possibly a made-for-television movie. My friend Mark said that I should be extremely insulted by such egregious behavior. He urged me to resign immediately from my temple and join his temple, where he assured me that I would be welcome, and where the membership fees are lower. My literary agent, Don Gastwirth, tells me that picking a fight with a religious leader is only going to make his job selling my book to a publisher harder, unless it involves building a mosque or sex. With the wisdom of the ancient sages Binyamin Jolkovsky of the Jewish World Review responded to my inquiry with, "Oy vey!"
This situation worries me. American Jews forget that our brethren in other countries have more centralized structures with powerful head rabbis leading their country's Jews. And lest you forget, Jews can still be excommunicated. Getting a rabbi mad at you could be dangerous. After almost 400 years, no one has rescinded the philosopher Spinoza's excommunication in Holland. Spinoza's excommunication was not just a formality. His punishment specified that all Jews were (and still are) required to shun him, not talk to him, curse him daily, stay four cubits away from him, and should not read anything he wrote. This worries me. Now I ask you, how is my internist, Doctor Mandel, going to give me a decent check up each year while he is cursing me from a distance of four cubits?
It is unlikely that anyone who knows or is related to me reads any of my columns, but we can't be too careful. In the interim, please take immediate steps to delete, burn, and/or destroy any copies or electronic transmittal of my Columbus Day column so my friend the Judge and my nephew the Rabbi do not see it. And please destroy my column in a way that reduces your carbon footprint and is planet friendly so my niece the Environmentalist doesn't object. Thank you once again for your support and help during this crisis. Please let me know what you think I should do.
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JWR contributor Alan Douglas, an author, media executive, speaker, and attorney, lives con brio- except when he is grumpy.
Humphrey Bogart and P. T. Barnum on Fighting with Family and Friends
Columbus, Honors and Hound Dogs
© 2010 Alan Douglas
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