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Jewish World Review
The desert of the real
If your profession doesn't have a reality show, is what you do really a profession? Chefs, fashion designers, entrepreneurs, models, cab drivers, has-been rock stars, travelers, bachelors, parents, dancers, singers, comedians, comediennes, businesspeople, mechanics, interior designers, hairdressers, BFFs, frenemies, fishermen, ice truck drivers, lumberjacks, millionaires, nannies, New Jersey housewives, mafia wives, bounty hunters, home builders, untalented performers and the police all have their own reality shows, but what about you? Is there a reality show for what you do? If not, shouldn't you be thinking about changing careers?
I know there isn't one for writers. I don't think there's one for lawyers or doctors, either. But there are plenty of fictional lawyer/doctor shows on television, so they don't need one. Whilst spending a diverting afternoon in my doctor's waiting room, I watched one show where a doctor diagnosed, operated on and released several patients, all in the time it takes my real doctor to take a blood sample. Every female doctor and every female nurse on the medical program could have been a swimsuit model; every male doctor and nurse could have starred in a body-spray ad, or at least portrayed an extra in a shaving commercial.
I wish my doctor would start watching that show. He seems to be incredibly slow and conscientious when it comes to diagnosing and operating. Weeks can go by. And he's not that good-looking. I'm starting to wonder, is he really a doctor?
It's not hard to guess why there isn't a reality show about lawyers. Make them look bad and they sue the pants off of you. And they don't do it for the pants; theirs are nicer than yours will ever be. Make them look good and they'll sue you for the rest of your clothes, then they'll throw those clothes away. I guess that's why the networks didn't want to read my proposal for a reality show called "Ambulance Chaser." The said they might get sued just for opening my mail.
There's a show called "America's Got Talent." It seems we have so little talent, they can't even find three Americans to do the judging two of them are British. Did we arguably win the War of 1812 for this? The most entertaining and frightening part of the show is the extraordinary number of Americans who appear equipped with negative talent. It's one thing to be talent-free, but to have a talent at repulsing people, well, that's entering the realm of the magical. Trust me, I know. I have that talent. I watch the show each week and pick up many new and helpful tips.
Throwing a bunch of plotting, scheming, demented people into a crowded, overly decorated house and making them live together for a few weeks is the plot of more than one reality show. It must be hard living with a bunch of egocentric nut cases who don't get along. Oh yeah, I just remembered, most people call that "home."
When did reality become so unreal? I know a guy who thinks NASA faked the moon landing but thinks "Ghost Hunters" is real science. He can't wait to tell you about the latest conspiracy theory boinging around the Internet but he thinks professional wrestling is real. Hmmm, I wonder why bookies don't take bets on it?
I'm waiting for some real reality shows like "So You Think You Can Flip Burgers," "Battle of the Convenience Store Clerks," "America's Rudest Drivers" and every parent's favorite, "You Got Your What Pierced?"
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Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo."
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