Home
In this issue
April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Oct. 23, 2007 / 11 Mar-Cheshvan 5768

Something special in the hair

By Malcolm Fleschner


Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | When deciding on a presidential candidate to support, Americans typically take into account a range of critical considerations, including the candidate's personal charisma, whether he or she "looks presidential," if the candidate seems like someone you'd like to share a beer with and, perhaps most important, height. Why, some voters will even compare candidates' different positions on the issues of the day. Those wacky voters!


We in the media take a different approach, ignoring such petty considerations as "the issues" in favor of poring over the results of daily presidential polls. By frequently asking the public which candidate they plan to vote for, we can gauge, often within a few percentage points, the precise number of voters who are sick of being asked which candidate they plan to vote for.


The media often gets criticized for an excessive interest in polling data, but rest assured that there's a very good reason we do it: because it's easy. A journalism degree doesn't exactly qualify someone to examine the details of every candidate's economic plan, after all. Instead we prefer to focus on the so-called "horse race," by which I mean we write something quickly about the most recent poll and then get together with our fellow journalists at the track.


Lately, however, the media and public alike have witnessed a new factor that's quickly gaining influence over candidates' political fortunes. I speak, of course, of what pundits are referring to as the "hair primary." In the 21st century, it appears, candidates hoping to lock up a party nomination must first prove they've gotten a handle on their own locks.


On the Democratic side, the first candidate whose hair got him into a tangle was John Edwards, who apparently fell prey to an old journalism trick. As you're no doubt aware, candidates are notoriously guarded about the way they answer questions, and often phrase their responses to fit whatever campaign theme they're promoting. This is why Rudy Giuliani answers every question he's asked, ranging from his suit size to what time it is, by saying, "It's 9:11."


To combat this tendency toward obfuscation, journalists will often try to catch a candidate in an unguarded moment by asking one of those inane, conversational space filler questions that people with nothing else to say like to ask. Questions like "Hot enough for you?" "Working hard or hardly working?" and "How about those [name of local sports franchise]?"


So when a reporter offhandedly asked Edwards one such question - specifically, "Did you just get a haircut?" - the former senator neglected to do the smart thing and respond by explaining why, say, the nation needs to focus less on haircuts and more on repealing President Bush's tax cuts. Instead, Edwards found himself the object of ridicule when he let his guard down and answered, "Why yes I did. Thanks so much for noticing. It cost me $400, you know. What do you think? Nice, huh?" he added, then compounded the problem by taking out a hand mirror to admire the job.


On the Republican side, many coiffure watchers have all but conceded the hair primary to Mitt Romney, the only candidate among the GOP front runners who even appears to be competing. Giuliani, John McCain and Fred Thompson have all dodged the hair issue by taking the extreme step of not having any. Yet somehow they all believe they can become the first bald president elected since Eisenhower.


It's clear that the American electorate prefers a president with a full head of hair, most likely because overcoming baldness represents one of our greatest national achievements. Say what you will about the free market, no one can argue with the technological advances we've made to hide our shamefully bald pates. Toupees, weaves, hair plugs, spray-on hair, snap-on hair, hair restoring pills - in every area American ingenuity has led the way. Why, just a few years ago Giuliani himself was up to his ears in ground-breaking research into the comb-over.


By contrast, what did communism ever achieve in this arena? When faced with a balding premier in Mikhail Gorbachev, the best solution the Soviets could come up with was to spatter a little purple paint on his forehead. Is it any wonder that we won the Cold War?


This is not to say that positive bald role models are entirely absent from American culture. Mr. Clean, for example, is a much-beloved advertising icon who, under normal circumstances, any candidate might rush to embrace. However, the current political environment makes it difficult for any candidate- particularly a Republican - to associating himself with a muscular man clad in a tight-fitting T-shirt who wears a single earring and seems unusually preoccupied with bathroom hygiene.


There's no doubt that Americans are ready for bold leadership in 2008. What remains to be determined, however, is whether we're ready for bald leadership.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

09/12/07:Can I have your attention, please?
09/12/07: Houston, we have an image problem
08/21/07: In the heat of fashion
08/09/07: Let's get in the game
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles