A friend has long said her objection to movers and shakers is that they're
always movin' and shakin' somebody else.
I thought about that when I read about county officials trying to
keep doughnuts out of a senior center near Mahopac, New York. Officials say
they instituted the ban on baked goods out of concern for seniors' health.
If they're old enough to be called seniors, they're old enough to make
their own decisions about doughnuts.
My father-in-law routinely eats deep fried foods and has two
bloody marys a day. Far be it for me to tell a man who will be 97 that he's
doing it all wrong.
Movers and shakers in New Jersey are cracking down on sagging
pants. Like most people, I detest sagging pants. I count it a personal
victory whenever I am able to resist walking up behind some guy who is
sagging and jerk his pants all the way to the ground.
If someone commits indecent exposure, arrest him. But citing
someone for bad fashion? If that's the case, throw a tarp over my Wal-Mart
and include me in it.
By the way, if you get cited for sagging in Trenton, N.J., a city worker
will assess "where your life is headed."
No word on how they feel about wearing white after Labor Day.
In the past year I have been stopped twice at police checkpoints
-- road blocks, orange cones, police cars lining the street, uniformed
officers directing traffic, and making visual checks. I thought maybe
somebody had knocked over a bank or hijacked an armored car. It was a
seatbelt check. Click It or Ticket.
Only a dunderhead doesn't wear a seat belt, but do we need movers and
shakers doling out monies and mandating programs to monitor what's
happening in the front seat?
If John Edwards is elected president, he is determined to move and shake in
a manner that will require every American to visit the doctor.
I'm having a hard time imagining my president ordering me to go see the
doctor. Not that I don't appreciate that certain personal touch, but
shouldn't the president be busy with other things? Say, chatting up Iran or
North Korea?
Movers and shakers are even shaking down clowns. One Barney Baloney of
Great Britain was told to leave his balloons at home because of potential
allergies. He also had to pull the plug on his bubble machine because
youngsters might slip and hurt themselves. Further, Barney was told not to
twist balloons into the shape of guns it could encourage violence. Who's
the clown?
Movers and shakers are often "all about the kids." At an elementary school
in Colorado Springs, two parents complained that children playing tag at
recess were being, well, chased. Hmmm.
Schools in Cheyenne, Wyo., Spokane, Wash., Attleboro, Mass. and Charleston,
S.C. have put the brakes on tag as well.
In Oak Park, Ill., a middle school recently instituted a ban on hugging.
Hallways and classrooms are officially "hug-free zones." High fiving is
also discouraged.
All this movin' and shakin' gets a body down after awhile.
Send in the clowns!
Oh that's right, they already sent them home.
