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Jewish World Review Oct. 19, 2007 / 7 Mar-Cheshvan 5768 Wasp Smackdown By Lori Borgman http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I have always gotten along well with insects due to a mutual understanding: They stay outside the house and I let them live. They come inside the house and, well, it's not pretty. A swarm of wasps tested this understanding by building a nest in a gray zone in the casing between an interior window and a storm window. Technically, they were not actually in the house, but they were close enough I had reason to believe they soon would be painting the master bedroom and rearranging towels in the linen closet. I alert the husband to the situation and his first response is that we try to lower the storm window and shoo the wasps out. The husband is a great humanitarian, or insectarian, I'm not sure what the term would be. Some insects you can work with, but wasps, never. Bees, for example, buzz about pollinating while you pull weeds and everyone gets along peacefully. Unfortunately, as I explain to the husband, wasps are not like bees. Wasps are the thugs of the insect world, the ones that curse, spit, roll their own cigarettes and sharpen their stingers with razor straps while scouting unsuspecting prey. Fortunately, I have googled the situation and know exactly what we will need to proceed. "My sources say that I will need to work with a helper who will remain calm. Which one of us should stay calm?" I ask. He looks at me and shakes his head. Even a great insectarian can be difficult at times. "It also says the calm one should wear protective clothing, including gloves. They recommend elbow length. Who knew you had to dress for wasps? Apparently they are a lot snootier than we knew. "It also says to wait until dark, as that is when wasps gather in their nest. What do you think they do in the nest?" I ask the husband. "My guess is they watch reality television shows about humans who come unglued at the presence of wasps." "You better hope they're glued to a television, because my source also says the key is to sneak up on them." As if we were going to blow a bugle or phone ahead for reservations. "Oh, and one small problem," I tell the husband. "We can't use wasp spray, because it could seep into the house. There are alternative methods, though. Here's one that suggests a three-step process using kerosene. Step one is to approach the nest quietly. Step two is to pour kerosene into the entrance of the nest and. step three says, "RUN!" "I don't think the insurance company would be wild about us dousing the house with kerosene," my insectarian says. "You don't have to light it," I say. "It says the fumes alone will kill them instantly." My insectarian is still not persuaded, so I offer other alternatives, including making a trap from a funnel and a two-liter bottle, and a method using super-hold hair spray. In light of any wasp-protection groups out there, I'd rather not say which method we finally agreed to use. I will say that when we swept up the mess in the morning, there wasn't a single wasp with a hair out of place. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Pass the Faith, Please" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here. ARCHIVES © 2007, Lori Borgman

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