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Oct. 10, 2008

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: The limitations of scientific miracles

Caroline B. Glick: Lebanon on the brink --- and why it matters

Oct. 8, 2008

Rabbi Berel Wein: The day when the sane talk to themselves

Ana Veciana-Suarez: Many nonobservant Jews are finding religion

Oct. 7, 2008

Gary Rosenblatt: Of politics and prayer

Caroline B. Glick: The ironies of the West's collusion with the Arabs and Iran

Oct. 6, 2008

Rabbi Yitzchok R. Rubin: Mamma to the masses

Jonathan Tobin: Ahmadinejad Isn't Too Impressed

Oct. 3, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: The 'living dead' are all around us

Caroline B. Glick: Olmert's parting blows

Oct. 2, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Q: Often customers looking for our competitor accidentally enter our store. Can we just serve them without comment?

Jonathan Tobin: Jewish pundit quiz on next year's news

Sept. 29, 2008

Rabbi Eli Gewirtz: Lehman Brothers and the Day of Judgment

Rabbi Leiby Burnham: Apples, Honey and You

Sept. 26, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The shofar and the Echo of Sinai

Caroline B. Glick: A road paved on reality

Sept. 24, 2008

Greg Crosby: Home for the Holy Days

Ethel G. Hofman: Rosh Hashanah Favorites: Old-fashioned taste, reduced calories

Sept. 23, 2008

Caroline Glick: Liberalism or lives!?

Michael Ledeen: Dear President Ahmadinejad

Sept. 22, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Q: I gave a check to a local merchant, but it hasn't been cashed in months. Probably they lost it. Do I have to tell them?

Diana West: We are losing Europe to Islam

Sept. 19, 2008

Rabbi Berel Wein: On harvesting success

Caroline B. Glick: It is time to act

Sept. 18, 2008

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Is camping the panacea to save Jewry from self-destruction?

Craig Gordon: Was SNL hilarity too much for Hillary?

Sept. 17, 2008

Jonathan Tobin: The Whole World Is Watching

The Kosher Gourmet By Linda Gassenheimer: East meets Southwest in this quick meal: MEXICAN-ASIAN TOSTADOS

Sept. 16, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr. : Into the fire

Everything's Relative : Your Official Jewish Guide to the 2008 USA Presidential Election

Sept. 15, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Enabling risky behavior

Diana West: A day that will live in ... accommodating Islam

Sept. 11, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The skeleton in my closet

Rabbi Yechiel Eckstein: Persecution and systematic destruction of Christians in the Middle East must be stopped

Sept. 10, 2008

Jonathan Tobin: There's Something About Sarah

The Kosher Gourmet by Kathy Manweiler: Who needs Chili's when you have these? Recipes for Mexican that taste great and are dietetic! Our commitment to freedom

Sept. 9, 2008

Daniel Pipes: Must counterinsurgency wars fail?

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.:

Sept. 8, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: How far must one go to help somebody out of a contract?

Barry Rubin: Waiting For Something

Sept. 8, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : How far must one go to help somebody out of a contract?

Barry Rubin: Waiting For Something

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review Oct. 4, 2006 / 12 Tishrei, 5767

Award to the wise

By Malcolm Fleschner


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Throughout the calendar year the American public is treated to the release of various lists of prominent people who have distinguished themselves in some way. Just a few examples are the Forbes 400 richest Americans, People Magazine's 25 Most Intriguing People and the FBI's Ten Most Wanted list. To date the only person with the distinction of making all three at the same time is Martha Stewart.


My favorite accolade, however, would have to be the so-called "Genius Grants" awarded annually to a couple dozen Americans deemed by the MacArthur Foundation to have shown "exceptional creativity in their work and the prospect for still more in the future." After all, what's not to like about a well-funded organization that unexpectedly calls you up to say, "We think you're a genius and oh, by the way, here's $500,000 to blow any way you like."


So how are MacArthur fellows selected? Unfortunately, I don't know. The process is undertaken in complete secrecy, following the example set by the obscure evaluation methods involved in choosing such other eminent personages as Supreme Court nominees, the Pope and contestants on Survivor.


As a result, the presumptive geniuses have no idea they're even under consideration until they receive a phone call out of the blue with the good news. And while I'm sure recipients are always pleasantly surprised, this system seems dangerously open to abuse. I mean, you know how self-absorbed some of those academic types can be. And while I'd hate to plant an idea in the heads of any overworked and underappreciated graduate students who may be looking for a way to get back at their dictatorial advising professors, but could you imagine a better prank phone call?


"Hello, is this Dr. Nasenhaare, of the Harvard University physics department? Yes, this is Haywood Jablome, executive director of the MacArthur Foundation. I'm calling to inform you that you've been selected for one of this year's Genius grants. We were very impressed with your work in the area of subatomic particle retrieval, specifically with regard to all the particles you were able to retrieve from your nose during office hours when you thought no one was looking. Psych!"


With such a secretive selection process, pretty much anyone can feel they have a shot at making the cut. Which explains my shock and disappointment when this year's MacArthur fellows were announced and my name was not listed. And yes, I did call the foundation to make sure there hadn't been some sort of bureaucratic mixup.


So what makes me think that anyone would ever consider me for the title of "genius," particularly in light of the fact that on more than one occasion I have driven away from a self-serve gas station with the pump still attached to my car? It's a fair question. For one thing, this past year I've been barraged with direct references to my apparent genius, often from complete strangers. I can't count how many times people have said to me, "The door is marked 'Exit Only,' genius," or, "Hey genius, the toaster doesn't work unless it's plugged in," as well as, ironically enough, " 'Genius' is only spelled with one 's,' genius."


I guess I may have also deluded myself into believing I was in the running because I could really use the $500,000. The money is offered with no strings attached, and is intended to help relieve recipients of financial concerns because, according to the Foundation website, "we believe that talented people are in the best position to decide how to allocate their time and resources to follow their creative vision." In my case, it will be difficult for me to follow my creative vision and keep churning out these columns if I don't come up with the substantial sum I owe to my bookie, Vinnie "The Tenderizer" Stromboli, who has threatened to send over a few of his associates to, as he put it, "make mashed potatoes out of my fingers."


So my genius may go unrecognized for another year. And as a result, I may also lose the use of my hands for a while. But why dwell on the negatives when there are so many other, as yet unannounced, tributes to shoot for? Assuming I can learn how to type with my nose, I should definitely be on the short list for a Pulitzer Prize for commentary. The selection committee can't possibly have missed this column's many courageous stances, whether railing against the lackluster quality of what passes for fortune cookie "fortunes" these days or my call for mandatory paper-based ballots to restore the nation's faith in the voting process on American Idol, to name just a couple.


And failing that, well, I'm sure I can count on a groundswell of reader support for my run at People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive title.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

08/24/06:Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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