Home
In this issue

Nov, 21, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: Money matters?

Caroline B. Glick: Civilization walks the plank

Nov, 20, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: Bronfman's blindness

The Kosher Gourmet By Linda Gassenheimer: Portobellos add a hearty flavor to pasta with pesto

Nov, 19, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Spread the wealth? Jewish tradition and income equality

Elliot B. Gertel: 'Mad Men': Tackling prejudices or reinforcing them?

Nov, 18, 2008

Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn: The End of the Age of Reason

Jonathan Tobin: Does Barack + Bibi = Disaster?

Nov, 17, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The End of the Age of Reason

Diana West: Gulling Americans into making terror legit?

Nov, 14, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: The Power of Spiritual Inertia

Caroline B. Glick: The perils ahead

Nov, 13, 2008

Stratfor Intelligence Briefing: How Bush and Obama together could change the Middle East dynamic

The Kosher Gourmet by JeanMarie Brownson: Sweet and savory, crispy and meltingly tender bestilla

Nov, 12, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Tyrannical Co-Workers

Michael Doyle: High Court to consider today donated monuments that may have religious messages in public parks

Nov, 11, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Will Obama stop government officials considering institutionalizing financial jihad?

Jonathan Tobin: They Will Decide Their Own Fate

Nov, 10, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: $8 billion, modern-day Tower of Babel being built?

Barry Rubin: A letter to the president-elect from a Middle East realist

Nov, 7, 2008

Rabbi Francis Nataf: Of Children and Immortality

Caroline B. Glick: Livni's Obama strategy

Nov, 6, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: How I tricked a classroom of apathetic students into grasping the fallacy of moral relativism

The Kosher Gourmet By Gina Kim: Tips for making the perfect soup --- includes recipes

Nov, 5, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Destitute Debtors

Bruce Weinstein: 'Religulos': Bad title,even worse movie

Nov, 4, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Treasury Dept. submits to Shariah law

Frida Ghitis: A surprise for Obama in the Middle East

Nov, 3, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Who says Jews are Smart?

Jonathan Tobin: Was He Wrong About Everything?

Oct. 31, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: Our Immutable Noble Essence

Caroline B. Glick: Running against Bush

Oct. 30, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: The End of the Special Relationship?

Steve Lipman: 'Kid Kosher' Gets A Title Shot

Oct. 29, 2008

Binyamin L. Jolkovsky: GET US THE TAPE THE L.A. TIMES REFUSES TO RELEASE, AND WE'LL GIVE YOU CASH!

Dr. Ari Korenblit: Making The Write Choice for President

Oct. 28, 2008

Mona Charen: Denial runs through American Jewry

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Sell-off to capitalism or sell-out to Islam?

Oct. 27, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Are tax deductions for charitable donations moral?

Jonathan Mark: The Mystery Of The Arab-American Vote

Oct. 24, 2008

'Why aren't all religious people vegetarians?': Response by Miriam Kosman

Caroline B. Glick: Testing Obama's mettle

Oct. 23, 2008

Daniel Pipes: Obama Would Fail Security Clearance

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: A fast chicken dish with an Asian accent

Oct. 20, 2008

Gary Rosenblatt: Still One Torah

Jonathan Tobin: Government 'Gifts' Are Not Free

Oct. 17, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Sukkos and the Great Meltdown

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of law

Oct. 16, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Copying DVDs: RIP OR RIPOFF?

Cal Thomas: Blaming the Jews (again)

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review Oct. 28, 2005 / 25 Tishrei, 5766

Attend any good ‘divorce parties’ lately?

By Kathryn Lopez


Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | A bizarre, damaging trend in love and marriage (or hate and divorce) is currently being glorified by the media, needlessly sending out harmful messages about marriage — playing with children's emotions in a poisonous way.

As recently seen on "The Today Show" and "Good Morning America," "divorce parties" are all the rage. Was your marriage on the rocks?

Well, the divorce papers are signed and it's now time to play "pin the blame on the ex" and "throw the wedding ring in the toilet" games — or so it is if you talk to the likes of the author of "The Woman's Book of Divorce: 101 Ways to Make Him Suffer Forever and Ever" (Citadel, 2001). Unfortunately besides celebrating the end of our most precious cultural institution, when there are kids involved it's also making light of the fracturing of families — a potential developmental disaster for children.

I hate to be a party pooper, but divorce has consequences. And to anyone who would like to pretend it's not a scarring event — it may not be you, but they are out there — author Elizabeth Marquardt has one thing to say: There's actually no such thing as a "good divorce."

That's the message in her new book, "Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce" (Crown).


BUY THE BOOK
Does this book sound intriguing?

Click HERE to purchase it at a discount. (Sales help fund JWR.).

Marquardt, who herself "grew up divorced," focuses on children, who are, as the title points out, often split between two worlds: mom's and dad's. Marquardt studied 1,500 Americans ages 18-35, who grew up in families with both married and divorced parents. The differences are startling.

Children of divorce, Marquardt found, have a level of discomfort that kids with a married mom and dad just don't have. Sixty-nine percent of children in two-parent families reported going to one or both of their parents for comfort, while only 33 percent of children sought help while living in a divorced family.

Children of divorce are also less likely to feel protected by their parents, feel less safe at home, and are less likely to attend religious services. Obviously, this shakes out in different ways and to varying degrees, but it's certainly a developmental burden on kids.

The aforementioned laundry list is not intended to make parents feel bad. But it's a caution and a bit of a cultural wake-up call. "Most parents take the decision to divorce quite seriously, but I urge parents to think harder still," Marquardt writes. Sometimes, of course, divorce really is what has to happen. Sometimes the marriage is ended by one spouse, leaving the other to cope — with no real way for the other to have prevented it. And, in the end, as Marquardt notes, it's the couple's business.

But divorce is not always the only option. Marquardt reports that two-thirds of all divorces end "low-conflict marriages." Instead of infidelity or violence — real reasons to end a marriage — the catalyst may be boredom. In which case, we are definitely taking divorce too casually.

Recently, "Ask Amy" newspaper-advice columnist took a question from a woman in one of these marriages:

"He's not abusive in any way, to the kids or me; I just don't know if I love him anymore, and I can't stop scanning the 'apartments for lease' section in the paper." The single-parent columnist wasn't going to let "Good Mom But Tired of Being a Wife" get away with casual-divorce daydreams. "Ask Amy" responded:

"Divorce — amicable and otherwise — stinks, and though I believe that most amicably divorced families work things out quite well, it's hard, hard, hard. Unless there is clear abuse or neglect involved, children prefer for their parents to be together."

A few weeks later, a 13-year-old girl responded via the column to "... Tired of Being a Wife" with the sign-off "Feeling Sad and Betrayed." She wrote: "Guess what, if you are not a happy person, moving out isn't going to magically make you happy. In fact, it will make you more lonely and sad. It will make everyone sad. This lady needs to work on the problem instead of blowing up her kids' lives. It is her job to take care of them, first and foremost. Their trust of her is on the line."

Marriage, as people vow on the big day, is through the good times and the bad. That's not always easy, but it's not meant to be easy.

If you find yourself browsing through a divorce-party planner, you might want to look to your family instead and see what you can do to make it work. Man and wife and children will all be better off if mom and dad stick it out together.

And if you've got to go through with the big divorce — splitting up kids or not — please don't get a party started. Not only for the children, but for the message it sends the rest of us about blessed and arduous thing call marriage.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Comment by clicking here.

Archives

© 2005, Newspaper Enterprise Assn.

Insight (Our Columnists)

 Mitch Albom
 Michael Barone
  Dave Barry
 Tony Blankley
 Andy Borowitz
 David Broder
 Stratfor Briefing
 Mona Charen
 Linda Chavez
 Ann Coulter
 Greg Crosby
 Rod Dreher
 Larry Elder
 Suzanne Fields
 John Fund
 Frank J. Gaffney
 Lloyd Garver
 Jonah Goldberg
 Julia Gorin
 Jonathan Gurwitz
 Paul Greenberg
 Victor Davis Hanson
 Betsy Hart
 David Harsanyi
 Nat Hentoff
 David Horowitz
 Laura Ingraham
 Jeff Jacoby
 Paul Johnson
 Jack Kelly
 James Klurfeld
 Ed Koch
 Ch. Krauthammer
 Jonathan Last
 Michael Ledeen
 John Leo
 David Limbaugh
 Kathryn Lopez
 Rich Lowry
 Michelle Malkin
 Jackie Mason
 The Medicine Men
 Dick Morris
 Bill O'Reilly
 Clarence Page
 Kathleen Parker
 Dennis Prager
 Wesley Pruden
 Tom Purcell
 Jonathan Rauch
 Celia Rivenbark
 Robert Robb
 Cokie & Steve Roberts
 Pat Sajak
 Debra J. Saunders
 Culture Shlock
 Roger Simon
 Michael Smerconish
 Thomas Sowell
 Mark Steyn
 John Stossel
 Cal Thomas
 Jonathan Tobin
 Bob Tyrrell
 Diana West
 Dave Weinbaum
 George Will
 Walter Williams
 Mort Zuckerman

'Toons
 Robert Arial
 Chuck Asay
 Chip Bok
 Dry Bones
  Lisa Benson
 John Branch
 Gary Brookins
 John Cole
 J. D. Crowe
 John Deering
 Brian Duffy
 Everything's Relative
 Mallard Fillmore
 Jake Fuller
 Bob Gorrel
 Joe Heller
 David Hitch
 Jerry Holber
 Steve Kelley
 Jeff Koterba
 Dick Locher
 Chan Lowe
 Ranan R. Lurie
 Jimmy Margulies
 Rick McKee
 Michael Ramirez
 Jeff Stahler
 Danna Summers
 John Trever
 Gary Varvel
 Kirk Walters

Lifestyles
 How 2
 Lori Borgman
 The Savvy Consumer
 Elder matters
 Fixit
 Dr. Peter Gott
 Marybeth Hicks
 GET A JOB! by Marty Nemko
 Richard Lederer
 Tech Maven
 Nutrition Myths
 Bruce Williams
 How Stuff Works