In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Oct. 28, 2005 / 25 Tishrei, 5766

Attend any good ‘divorce parties’ lately?

By Kathryn Lopez

Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | A bizarre, damaging trend in love and marriage (or hate and divorce) is currently being glorified by the media, needlessly sending out harmful messages about marriage — playing with children's emotions in a poisonous way.

As recently seen on "The Today Show" and "Good Morning America," "divorce parties" are all the rage. Was your marriage on the rocks?

Well, the divorce papers are signed and it's now time to play "pin the blame on the ex" and "throw the wedding ring in the toilet" games — or so it is if you talk to the likes of the author of "The Woman's Book of Divorce: 101 Ways to Make Him Suffer Forever and Ever" (Citadel, 2001). Unfortunately besides celebrating the end of our most precious cultural institution, when there are kids involved it's also making light of the fracturing of families — a potential developmental disaster for children.

I hate to be a party pooper, but divorce has consequences. And to anyone who would like to pretend it's not a scarring event — it may not be you, but they are out there — author Elizabeth Marquardt has one thing to say: There's actually no such thing as a "good divorce."

That's the message in her new book, "Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce" (Crown).

Does this book sound intriguing?

Click HERE to purchase it at a discount. (Sales help fund JWR.).

Marquardt, who herself "grew up divorced," focuses on children, who are, as the title points out, often split between two worlds: mom's and dad's. Marquardt studied 1,500 Americans ages 18-35, who grew up in families with both married and divorced parents. The differences are startling.

Children of divorce, Marquardt found, have a level of discomfort that kids with a married mom and dad just don't have. Sixty-nine percent of children in two-parent families reported going to one or both of their parents for comfort, while only 33 percent of children sought help while living in a divorced family.

Children of divorce are also less likely to feel protected by their parents, feel less safe at home, and are less likely to attend religious services. Obviously, this shakes out in different ways and to varying degrees, but it's certainly a developmental burden on kids.

The aforementioned laundry list is not intended to make parents feel bad. But it's a caution and a bit of a cultural wake-up call. "Most parents take the decision to divorce quite seriously, but I urge parents to think harder still," Marquardt writes. Sometimes, of course, divorce really is what has to happen. Sometimes the marriage is ended by one spouse, leaving the other to cope — with no real way for the other to have prevented it. And, in the end, as Marquardt notes, it's the couple's business.

But divorce is not always the only option. Marquardt reports that two-thirds of all divorces end "low-conflict marriages." Instead of infidelity or violence — real reasons to end a marriage — the catalyst may be boredom. In which case, we are definitely taking divorce too casually.

Recently, "Ask Amy" newspaper-advice columnist took a question from a woman in one of these marriages:

"He's not abusive in any way, to the kids or me; I just don't know if I love him anymore, and I can't stop scanning the 'apartments for lease' section in the paper." The single-parent columnist wasn't going to let "Good Mom But Tired of Being a Wife" get away with casual-divorce daydreams. "Ask Amy" responded:

"Divorce — amicable and otherwise — stinks, and though I believe that most amicably divorced families work things out quite well, it's hard, hard, hard. Unless there is clear abuse or neglect involved, children prefer for their parents to be together."

A few weeks later, a 13-year-old girl responded via the column to "... Tired of Being a Wife" with the sign-off "Feeling Sad and Betrayed." She wrote: "Guess what, if you are not a happy person, moving out isn't going to magically make you happy. In fact, it will make you more lonely and sad. It will make everyone sad. This lady needs to work on the problem instead of blowing up her kids' lives. It is her job to take care of them, first and foremost. Their trust of her is on the line."

Marriage, as people vow on the big day, is through the good times and the bad. That's not always easy, but it's not meant to be easy.

If you find yourself browsing through a divorce-party planner, you might want to look to your family instead and see what you can do to make it work. Man and wife and children will all be better off if mom and dad stick it out together.

And if you've got to go through with the big divorce — splitting up kids or not — please don't get a party started. Not only for the children, but for the message it sends the rest of us about blessed and arduous thing call marriage.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Comment by clicking here.


© 2005, Newspaper Enterprise Assn.