May 24, 2012 Jeff Jacoby: The peace process battered Israel's reputation Near-nuclear nation threatens to walk out of summit unless it gets its way Clifford D. May: What Iran's Rulers Want Michael Muskal: 'Pro-choice' position hits record low, according to poll Chris Farrell: Are We in a Tech Bubble? Kimberly Lankford: Switching Medicare Advantage Plans Mid-Year Bryan McIver, M.B., Ch.B., Ph.D.: Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Understanding hyperthyroidism and its variety of treatment options French rights groups want Google to stop suggesting 'Jew' Two-fly rule for Beijing toilets The Kosher Gourmet by Penelope Wall: PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS --- hold the steak! May 23, 2012 Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: Baghdad talks highlight Western naivete Putin's latest defiance shows Obama's whisper didn't work Tony Pugh: More private colleges offering tuition discounts Lisa Gerstner: 4 Money-Etiquette Questions Answered Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You Art Markman, Ph.D.: Get smart: How to bulk up your creativity muscles Israeli scientists use skin cells to help repair heart muscle Tina Susman: The wig wasn't enough: Man gets 13 years for posing as his dead mom The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right May 22, 2012 David S. Cloud and Kathleen Hennessey: Obama changes mind on Pakistan invite to NATO summit --- and then gets dissed by country's president US Senate approves new sanctions against Iran ahead of Baghdad talks Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide Supreme Court: Twins can't claim dead dad's benefits Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage Environmental Nutrition editors: The lowdown on a low-acid diet Pomegranate juice maker used deceptive ads, FTC judge rules Relatives outraged over spoof on Hamas chief's killing The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili May 21, 2012 Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security? Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF James K. Glassman: 5 Stock Picks Among Online Retailers Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy? 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Jewish World Review Oct. 28, 2005 / 25 Tishrei, 5766 Attend any good ‘divorce parties’ lately? By Kathryn Lopez http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | A bizarre, damaging trend in love and marriage (or hate and divorce) is currently being glorified by the media, needlessly sending out harmful messages about marriage — playing with children's emotions in a poisonous way. As recently seen on "The Today Show" and "Good Morning America," "divorce parties" are all the rage. Was your marriage on the rocks? Well, the divorce papers are signed and it's now time to play "pin the blame on the ex" and "throw the wedding ring in the toilet" games — or so it is if you talk to the likes of the author of "The Woman's Book of Divorce: 101 Ways to Make Him Suffer Forever and Ever" (Citadel, 2001). Unfortunately besides celebrating the end of our most precious cultural institution, when there are kids involved it's also making light of the fracturing of families — a potential developmental disaster for children. I hate to be a party pooper, but divorce has consequences. And to anyone who would like to pretend it's not a scarring event — it may not be you, but they are out there — author Elizabeth Marquardt has one thing to say: There's actually no such thing as a "good divorce." That's the message in her new book, "Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce" (Crown). BUY THE BOOK Does this book sound intriguing? Click HERE to purchase it at a discount. (Sales help fund JWR.). Marquardt, who herself "grew up divorced," focuses on children, who are, as the title points out, often split between two worlds: mom's and dad's. Marquardt studied 1,500 Americans ages 18-35, who grew up in families with both married and divorced parents. The differences are startling. Children of divorce, Marquardt found, have a level of discomfort that kids with a married mom and dad just don't have. Sixty-nine percent of children in two-parent families reported going to one or both of their parents for comfort, while only 33 percent of children sought help while living in a divorced family. Children of divorce are also less likely to feel protected by their parents, feel less safe at home, and are less likely to attend religious services. Obviously, this shakes out in different ways and to varying degrees, but it's certainly a developmental burden on kids. The aforementioned laundry list is not intended to make parents feel bad. But it's a caution and a bit of a cultural wake-up call. "Most parents take the decision to divorce quite seriously, but I urge parents to think harder still," Marquardt writes. Sometimes, of course, divorce really is what has to happen. Sometimes the marriage is ended by one spouse, leaving the other to cope — with no real way for the other to have prevented it. And, in the end, as Marquardt notes, it's the couple's business. But divorce is not always the only option. Marquardt reports that two-thirds of all divorces end "low-conflict marriages." Instead of infidelity or violence — real reasons to end a marriage — the catalyst may be boredom. In which case, we are definitely taking divorce too casually. Recently, "Ask Amy" newspaper-advice columnist took a question from a woman in one of these marriages: "He's not abusive in any way, to the kids or me; I just don't know if I love him anymore, and I can't stop scanning the 'apartments for lease' section in the paper." The single-parent columnist wasn't going to let "Good Mom But Tired of Being a Wife" get away with casual-divorce daydreams. "Ask Amy" responded: "Divorce — amicable and otherwise — stinks, and though I believe that most amicably divorced families work things out quite well, it's hard, hard, hard. Unless there is clear abuse or neglect involved, children prefer for their parents to be together." A few weeks later, a 13-year-old girl responded via the column to "... Tired of Being a Wife" with the sign-off "Feeling Sad and Betrayed." She wrote: "Guess what, if you are not a happy person, moving out isn't going to magically make you happy. In fact, it will make you more lonely and sad. It will make everyone sad. This lady needs to work on the problem instead of blowing up her kids' lives. It is her job to take care of them, first and foremost. Their trust of her is on the line." Marriage, as people vow on the big day, is through the good times and the bad. That's not always easy, but it's not meant to be easy. If you find yourself browsing through a divorce-party planner, you might want to look to your family instead and see what you can do to make it work. Man and wife and children will all be better off if mom and dad stick it out together. And if you've got to go through with the big divorce — splitting up kids or not — please don't get a party started. Not only for the children, but for the message it sends the rest of us about blessed and arduous thing call marriage. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Archives © 2005, Newspaper Enterprise Assn.

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