Jewish World Review Oct. 18, 2004 / 3 Mar-Cheshvan, 5765

David Grimes

Grimes
JWR's Pundits
World Editorial
Cartoon Showcase

Mallard Fillmore

Michael Barone
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Don Feder
Suzanne Fields
James Glassman
Paul Greenberg
Bob Greene
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Marianne Jennings
Michael Kelly
Mort Kondracke
Ch. Krauthammer
Lawrence Kudlow
Dr. Laura
John Leo
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Chris Matthews
Michael Medved
MUGGER
Kathleen Parker
Wes Pruden
Sam Schulman
Amity Shlaes
Roger Simon
Tony Snow
Thomas Sowell
Cal Thomas
Jonathan S. Tobin
Ben Wattenberg
George Will
Bruce Williams
Walter Williams
Mort Zuckerman

Consumer Reports

Finnish man shows that husbands have hidden worth


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | With utter disregard to what he may be doing to the institution of marriage, a Finnish man has opened a rent-a-husband business.


For $25 an hour, Petteri Ikonen will baby sit, change a light bulb or even give your teenager driving lessons. (Ikonen's services might not be such a bargain for American women, since you'd have to throw in his round-trip airfare, but then again it's hard to say what price a woman might be willing to pay to have her bathrooms cleaned.)


This is not the first time that someone has come up with the idea of husband renting, but Ikonen believes Finnish men have an edge.


"The guy who starts to do this has to be responsible and have a good sense of humor, have good manners, be good with his hands," Ikonen says. "He has to be all that a typical good Finnish husband is. Sensitive and tender, talks all issues through."


I think I speak for all American husbands when I say that I hate Petteri Ikonen. There is no place in this country for husbands who voluntarily take out the trash, let alone sing serenades or listen attentively as their wives describe their harrowing experience at Wal-Mart.

Donate to JWR


As an American husband of long standing, I have many useless qualities that I would be willing to rent out for at least one dollar less per hour than Ikonen. For example:


  • Changing a light bulb. This task is far more complex than it seems. First, there is the matter of locating the replacement light bulb. At my house, some replacement bulbs are located under the sink and some are located in the garage. Sorting out the logistics of this could take weeks. Requests for replacement of any bulb that requires complicated tools such as a ladder or a screwdriver must be made at least a year in advance. This pretty much guarantees that some other home-repair issue, such as roof replacement, will supersede and the matter will be forgotten.

  • Picture hanging. Despite what home-improvement TV would suggest, almost all amateur handyman jobs result in, at best, a gaping hole in the wall, and, at worst, a fishtailing ride to the emergency room in the back of an ambulance. After many bad experiences with hammers and nails, I now attach pictures to the wall with the help of duct tape and glue. The result leaves something to be desired in the sense of attractiveness, but as far as permanence goes, it can't be beat.

  • Driving lessons. Anyone who offers to teach your teenager to drive for only $25 an hour should immediately be suspected of involvement in some sort of scam. By the time my father had succeeded in getting me my driver's license, he had regressed from a youthful, active adult into a jittery, white-haired individual with a three-pack-a-day Camel habit. While napping, he could be seen stomping the air with his right foot in a subconscious attempt to mash the brake pedal. I could have won the Nobel Prize for finding a cure for cancer and, at the awards ceremony, my father would have stood up and said, "Yes, well, let us hope that someday he will learn to parallel park."


So, in conclusion, you cannot put a price on a husband's work.


Assuming he does any.


Which is part of his charm.

Appreciate this column? Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.



JWR contributor David Grimes is a columnist for The Sarasota Herald Tribune. Comment by clicking here.

Up

10/15/04: Science tales from the fringe
10/06/04: Movies go to the dogs
09/29/04: Talking carts spice up shopping
09/22/04: Big Bad Wolf sets the record straight
09/13/04: How not to kill a skeeter
09/09/04: 54th state? Confusion
08/30/04: Even teens can tire of TV, IHOP
08/24/04: The real story of Miss Muffet
08/17/04: Flaming Gaseous Man, away!
07/28/04: Signs say more than intended
07/21/04: Phoning in my novel
07/14/04: Turning sand into gold
07/07/04: Along came a spider and sat down beside her
06/29/04: There must be a law
06/21/04: The many hazards of TV sports
06/15/04: Computer dust causes a mighty stir
05/25/04: Guess what's coming to dinner?
05/18/04: Dogs have changed for the worse
05/11/04: You rant, you pay
05/03/04: A new generation of civility
04/27/04: Repeat at your own risk
04/19/04: Brits learn grammar from Americans
04/05/04: Got those customer survey blues
03/31/04: Name that planetoid
03/24/04: Mind-melding is not for the squeamish
03/16/04: Write that novel — QUICK!
03/10/04: Turns out robots are as unhelpful as people
03/02/04: Dictators' softer side
02/23/04: Is there life after Ken?
02/18/04: California needs its chi adjusted
02/11/04: Pleeze by sum stuph frum me
02/03/04: A tale of two generations
01/28/04: Warning: Labels on products are getting wackier and wackier
01/21/04: It's a computer! No, it's a side dish! Skeptical? Look under the hood
01/07/04: Nursery rhymes to scare the kids by
12/30/03: Ear-scratcher fingered by police
12/24/03: Gifts for that not-so-special someone
12/18/03: Things we hate to do
12/09/03: Keep your name out of this book
12/03/03: When tots control the world
11/18/03: Danger: TVs falling from above
11/11/03: Songs that won't go away
11/04/03: Keep technology away from the monkeys
10/29/03: A career of sensational regrets
10/22/03: Ig Nobels reward weird science
10/16/03: TV golf needs a kick in the pants
10/08/03: That's geek to me
09/30/03: A man, a woman and a cat
09/22/03: A tale of two spams
09/16/03: Librarian action figure will be taking no guff
09/10/03: Slackers need to remain invisible
09/02/03: No fun in the summertime
08/26/03: The algebra of love
08/11/03: Journey to the center of the pavement cracks
08/06/03: Word dominance by U.S. appears a fait accompli
07/28/03: Ads that are hard to swallow
07/09/03: Keep cows out of the classroom
07/03/03: Little-appreciated facts about unshaven men
06/24/03: Brother, can you paradigm?
06/18/03: Cats, TV not a good mix
06/10/03: In defense of grumpiness
06/04/03: Do we really need keyboards in our Port-A-Johns?
05/29/03: Always a dull men's moment
05/21/03: Bad PC hygiene leads to bugs
05/12/03:Army mops up; Tony Blair doesn't
05/06/03: Grill a hamburger for PETA
05/01/03: Exams spice history
04/23/03: Too much money? Tax me more!
04/14/03: When good gourds go bad
04/11/03: One fish-tale that isn't --- and that's no lie!
04/02/03: Do you really want to know what your dog's thinking?
03/26/03: Pajamas make high school less stressful
03/21/03: It's time to be nice to the French
03/03/03: The ultimate clean and constructive sport
02/12/03: Get a bang out of cleaning with cruise vacuum
02/06/03: Voluntary kindness? Not likely
01/28/03: Signs our economy is on upswing
01/22/03: There may be cash in your old underwear
01/15/03: Banish these words, now more than ever
01/07/03: Coughing as an art form
12/24/02: Parents shell out for missed homework
12/17/02: French government says no to @ symbol
12/11/02: A latecomer joins fellowship of the DVD
12/02/02: Don't worry, be fat, unfit and really happy
11/18/02: Intrigued by a German invention that could get teens out of bed before the crack of noon
11/06/02: A noose by any other name ...
10/29/02: Iranian dogs on notice
10/22/02: Talk about a job that stinks --- literally!
10/15/02: The official world's funniest joke
10/02/02: Japanese turn eyes to computer haikus
09/27/02: Oh, no! Bosses want to know what's on your mind
09/24/02: An airbag, humanity's salvation?
09/17/02: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!
09/06/02: Come listen to a story about a man named ... Bill
09/03/02: You're not in preschool anymore!
08/30/02: A charming idea from a brutal, whacked-out, megalomaniacal dictator-for-life
08/26/02: Blubber water? How to put on the pounds by gulping H20
08/21/02: The latest evidence that Mother Nature is out to kill us
08/13/02: Computers, airplanes and Canada don't mix
08/06/02: The sky's not falling? Dang it!
08/02/02: Some fond memories of worst TV shows
07/30/02: Pay my credit-card bill, please?
07/25/02: Something to celebrate
07/22/02: Baseball needs to ban the fans
07/16/02: Hasbro should consider new inaction figure
07/11/02: Decline in trash-talking is harming our mental health? Well, #@%&!
07/08/02 Americans retain right to fork tongues
07/01/02 These laws were made to be broken
06/18/02 Watching enough commercials?
06/03/02 Throwing your vote to the dogs
05/08/02 Hey, Mom, could you spare a dime?: Parents' obligations unending

© 2002, Sarasota Herald Tribune