JWR Schticks and groans

Jewish World Review Oct. 23, 2001 / 6 Mar-Cheshvan, 5762

If the UN deserves the Nobel Peace Prize, then ...

By Rabbi Hillel Goldberg

http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- The United Nations has won the Nobel Peace Prize. Congratulations!

With the Nobel award to the UN, hope springs eternal. Now, the most deserving individuals or groups -- so long and unjustly overlooked -- have a chance. If the UN deserves the Nobel Peace Prize, then . . .

  • Woody Allen deserves the Loyalty to Family Award.

  • Exxon deserves the World Wildlife Fund Preservation Award.

  • Bill Clinton deserves the St. Francis of Assisi Piety Award.

  • Billy Crystal deserves the American Gothic Straight Face Award.

  • Osama bin Laden deserves the ACLU Civil Liberties Award.

  • Winston Churchill deserves the Silence is Golden Award.

  • Barry Bonds deserves the Cy Young Award.

  • Las Vegas, Nevada deserves the American Puritan Founders Award.

  • Saddam Hussein deserves the Mother Teresa Character Award.

  • Bob Dylan deserves the Operatic Tenor of the Year Award.

  • Adolf Eichmann deserves the Conscience of the Century Award.

  • Mikhail Baryshnikov deserves the Klutz of the Year Award.

  • Kareem Abdul Jabar deserves the Willie Shoemaker Award.

  • Robert Downey, Jr. deserves the "Just Say No" Award.

  • Imelda Marcos deserves the Salvation Army Volunteer of the Year Award.

  • Franz Kafka deserves the Clarity Is My Weakness Award.

  • Nikita Kruschev deserves the annual Miss Manners Award.

  • Bill Romanowski, Denver Bronco, deserves the Good Sportsmanship Award.

  • Lenny Bruce deserves the League of Women's Voters Political Correctness Award.

  • Ku Klux Klan deserves the ADL In Praise of Pluralism Award.

  • Louis Farrakhan deserves the National Conference of Community and Justice Citizen of the Year Award.

  • William Faulkner deserves the Brevity is the Soul of Wit Award.

  • Golda Meir deserves the Stay-at-Home Mother of the Year Award.

  • Richard M. Nixon deserves the Abraham Lincoln Award for Integrity.

  • Warren Harding deserves the Cal Ripken Endurance Ward.

  • Leonid Brezhnev deserves the Elvis Presley Award for Innovation and Creativity.

    And in 2001, posthumously . . .

  • Herbert Hoover wins the Nobel Prize for Economics.

  • Babe Ruth wins the Nobel Prize for Physics.

  • Lucille Ball wins the Nobel Prize for Literature.

    Oh yes, one final matter: To emphasize the enduring significance of the Nobel Peace Prize, the Nobel Committee re-awarded the Peace Prize to that former recipient whose post-prize accomplishments have done more for peace than any other living recipient:

    Yasir Arafat.

    JWR contributor Rabbi Hillel Goldberg is executive editor of the Intermountain Jewish News. Comment by clicking here.


    © 2001, Rabbi Hillel Goldberg