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By Josh Pollack
http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
CALL IT DISNEY MAGIC. Some way, somehow, America's favorite megacorporation
has done what even the Oslo process has not: determined the status of
Jerusalem to the satisfaction of all sides, and brought peace to the warring
tribes of the Middle East.
In response, mighty Disney, which eats PR fiascos and boycott threats for
lunch, has offered assurances to Arabs and Israelis alike, and lo! the storm
has subsided. What exactly was said is not known, but if the peace process
is any example, everything will leak in due time. Until that day, mysterious
are the ways of the Mouse.
That's right. Arab governments have lately protested against a forthcoming
Disney exhibit on Jerusalem, partly funded by the government of Israel, on
the grounds that it would describe the city as the capital of the Jewish
State. (It's unclear where they think the Knesset, High Court and other
government buildings actually are, and I hesitate to ask where they think
they ought to be.)
Don't believe what the cynics are saying. After all, telling everyone what
he wants to hear eventually brought Bibi down, and the Mouse is much too
smart for that. The real lesson of the affair is that Disney can do things
that mere mortals cannot. King Mickey can split the baby and keep it whole
at the same time. Yossi Beilin and Abu Mazen have nothing on this guy.
It would be a tragic mistake, therefore, to leave this special power
untapped. So when final status talks begin to bog down, before calling on
Ambassador Ross, Secretary Albright or even President Clinton, Ehud Barak
and Yasser Arafat should conference in Michael Eisner.
Consider the possibilities. Disney specializes in making everyone happy, and
what they can do with a Disneyfied Jerusalem in Florida, they can do with
the real thing, too. Overnight, Disney Imagineers could transform the Holy
City into the Holy Kingdom, an internationalized enclave or "corpus
separatum" composed of four distinct universes: Jewishland, Muslimland,
Christianland and Armenianland. Via Dolorosa, you say? Think Main Street,
Judaea.
And that's not all. To bring in even the last purists, idealists, radicals
and utopian holdouts, and promote the development of the West Bank to boot,
a new Disneyland could be erected between Jerusalem and Jericho.
Everyone
would get something: Frontierland for the settlers, Fantasyland for the
maximalist Palestinians, and Tomorrowland for Shimon Peres. (Adventureland
would be reserved for Jewish teenagers from the Diaspora.)
Careful diplomatists are bound to note that I have yet to mention the
disposition of the Temple Mount. In keeping with the Solomonic proposal of
the late King Hussein, sovereignty there will go to G-d. Whose G-d, you ask,
and whom will He delegate to look after it? Hmm. Good question. Michael
Eisner, you're wanted on line