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Jewish World Review Sept. 30,2018 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
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President Trump was driven to the UN in his newly made Cadillac limousine that costs one and a half million dollars. It keeps the president safe. The windows keep him from being shot, the plating keeps him from being bombed, and the lead lining keeps him from going on Twitter.
• President Trump in a New York press conference revealed that China was making plans to interfere in our fall elections. Last time it was Russia. If our enemies were smart they'd outsource the job of interfering with our elections to India, we'd have no idea WHO to sanction.
• The London Daily Mail reports a woman in Russia confessed to cannibalism and eating thirty people, her last victim being a waitress who took her order in a diner. Her husband was in on the macabre deed. The last thing he told the waitress was that he will have whatever his wife is having.
• Pew Research says seventy percent of U.S. adults are on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook. When I read comic books as a kid, the ability to read people's minds and know what they're thinking was considered a superpower. Social media has shown us how useless THAT superpower turned out to be.
• New York City Transit Authority officials said that New York's subways are too slow and too dirty and too smelly and too crowded. They've blamed it all on the train's passengers. The conditions on the subway are so bad every morning many commuters have decided to urinate at home.
• Long Beach State took down the statue of Pete Prospector because of the harm the 1849 Gold Rush did to the Indians. The left never rests. It's not enough they take down statues of generals who lost the Civil War, they have to take down the statues of the gold strike that financed the Union victory.
• The John Hancock Life Insurance Company announced they will drop normal life insurance policies on Americans for interactive policies that monitor your fitness and vital signs by using monitors. It's the world's greatest racket. If you're a life insurance company, I bet you that I'm going to die, then you bet me I'm going to live, then I pay you a fortune hoping YOU win.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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