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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Sept. 22, 2011 / 23 Elul, 5771

Love reaches forward, never back

By Sharon Randall




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The note was brief, but clear. In a few well-chosen words, it told of a lifetime of heartache and disappointment, and a longing for something that was never to be.

I often hear from readers who are grieving a loss. They write to me, I suspect, because over the years, I have written about the losses in my life my first husband, my parents, other family members and friends I never imagined living without.

Every letter is different. They write for various reasons, seeking advice or just wanting to tell their stories. There is always a need, in any great loss, to tell the story of what came before it, and how it came to pass.

But mostly, they write for the same reasons we all do: To make sense of the senseless; to create order in the chaos of a broken heart; to give voice to our feelings in the hope that it will somehow bring us peace.

While no two losses are ever the same, the end result often lies somewhere between two extremes: Either we're filled with great memories and the assurance that we were loved; or we are left empty with regrets and the crippling sense of having been abandoned.

I've known both kinds of loss. I suspect that you have, too. Given a choice, I'll take great memories over regrets any day.

Love doesn't end. If you know you are loved by someone, you don't have to be physically near the person to feel it. Out of sight, out of touch, is not out of heart.

But if you never felt loved or wanted or approved of, death slams a door, steals any hope of ever getting the kind of relationship you longed for.

The note from a young woman grieving the death of her long-estranged, alcoholic father described that kind of loss.

"There was always a small hope that he would stop the drinking and want to see us before he died. But alcohol can make a person totally disappear."

Too many things, it seems, can make someone disappear alcohol, drugs, insanity or just self-absorption. Regardless of what causes a parent to be absent or neglectful or abusive, it is never the fault of the child.

But the child will grow up trying to say or do anything that might possibly make it better for as long as there is breath.

The hardest part of losing my mother was letting go of the hope that we'd ever be close. And yet in dying, she gave me a gift: She freed me of my need to win her love and approval.

When I could no longer change it, I accepted it for what it was. She'd done the best she could. And I, in turn, would try to do my best for my children.

They are grown now, but I think they'd vouch for me, if you asked them, how hard I tried.

My husband and I share three grandchildren. Randy just celebrated his first birthday. Charlotte and Henry were born two weeks ago, one day apart.

They were blessed to be born to wonderful parents who will do their best to show them how much they are loved.

It gives me great hope for their futures. Whatever life has in store for them, they will grow up with great memories, knowing they are loved. Would that every child were born so blessed.

I also have great hopes for the young woman who wrote to me about losing her father. I have no doubt that she will do her best to show her own daughter how much she is loved.

Love reaches forward, never back. We can't change how we were loved in the past.

We can only change how we love here and now.

For as long as we have breath.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

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Previously:


How to Watch a Sunset

Waiting often comes with gifts

An exceptional book club

There is no guilt in moving forward

Celebrations full of love and buttercream

It takes a whole village of shoes to raise a child

The best stories always tell us who we are

Stop, look back . . . and listen

The great outdoors, if one's lucky, a rock-solid companion

An iChat with my grandson

Lightening bugs and other things make us glow

Each and every Fourth of July a cause for celebration



© 2011, SCRIPPS HOWARD NEWS SERVICE

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