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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Sept. 15, 2011 / 16 Elul, 5771

The last generation raised on guilt

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | You may not realize this, but if you are a baby boomer, you are among the last generation of kids raised on guilt.

Why, yes, a moment of silence would be in order.

We had mothers who said things like, "You kids are gonna be the death of me one day! Can you live with that?"

Our mothers said things like, "Are you gonna be the one that breaks your momma's heart?" or "I'm only your mother, don't give me another thought."

That last one brought me low and actually led me to full-fledged remorse on several occasions.

I was blessed to have an imaginative mother who was creative with her use of guilt. She used to say that bruises were punishment for telling lies. I bruised easily as a child. Sometimes I bruised faster than I could lie.

Guilt was such a part of the landscape that it was even part of our childhood games: Step on a crack, break your mother's back. Each day I walked to school gingerly stepping over the cracks between the slabs of sidewalk. It was bad enough I was breaking my mother's heart, why throw her back into the mess as well?

If we did something wrong, if the school called home or a neighbor ratted us out, we were the ones who bore the burden of guilt. Our mothers all but pinned nametags on us that said, "Hello, My Name is Guilty." If we did something wrong it was our fault, not our mother's fault. Guilt sat comfortably on the shoulders of the child.

And then the winds blew, the earth tilted, and there was a cataclysmic change. The guilt shifted from the child to the parent.

Instead of heaping guilt on our kids, as had been done to us, we began heaping it on ourselves. Anything that went wrong in the child's life could now be traced directly to the mother. (Ladies, this was not a good move.)

A new crop of experts weighed in and mothers soon learned that their every move had the potential of being the wrong one. As a new mother raising small children, these are the guilt-inducing things I heard:

"You'd better feed that baby on demand. Don't you put that baby on a schedule; your mother fed you on a schedule and look at what a mess you are!"

"If you potty train too soon, your child may wind up in prison -- research shows a lot of prisoners were potty trained too early."

If our children had tantrums, breakdowns, roughhoused on the bus, didn't eat enough, didn't make the right team, the right band, or get into the right preschool or the right college, the guilt would be ours.

When it came to guilt, my mother's generation believed it truly was more blessed to give than to receive.

Their world involved kids, but didn't revolve exclusively around kids. They had the audacity to maintain adult interests, adult friends and adult conversations. And they didn't feel the least bit guilty.


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JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

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© 2009, Lori Borgman

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