Home
In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Sept. 9, 2010 / 29 Elul, 5770

Grandma looks like she got run over by a reindeer

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Dark circles and bags under the eyes of mothers and fathers of newborns is a badge of honor in parenthood. Those same dark circles and bags under the eyes of a grandma look like a woman with a drinking problem aging before her time.

Sleep deprivation is never pretty. Consider the grandma, helping to care for newborn twins, who thought she accidently put a baby’s sleeper in the Diaper Genie instead of the soiled diaper. The truly pathetic part is that the grandma shoved her hand into the Diaper Genie to check for the sleeper when she could have simply looked in the laundry basket.

The next night, Grandma changed both babies at 3 a.m. and three hours later was summoned to the nursery by the new mother, who was giggling. Both babies' diapers were riding several miles south of their plumbing systems. To my credit, the diapers would have caught any fluids that leaked from the babies' knees.

"Tsk, tsk," I say to my daughter as we study the low-slung diapers. "Who would have thought your precious preemies would be dressing like thugs?"

The babies, who still side with their new mommy and daddy on everything because their brains are not yet developed enough to know that grandparents are their true allies, are again thrusting their arms into the air as though they have questions.

You don't have to be a baby whisperer to know what they are asking.

"Is Grandma sober?"

Yes, Grandma is sober, Grandma is just very tired.

"If Grandma is sober, why does she bump into the walls at night and stagger when she walks?"

Because Grandma is not used to sleeping in 90-minute increments.

"Will we ever grow hair?"

Who knows."

What is the square root of 81?"

"Nine. Now go to sleep."

Sleep deprivation is par for the course with newborns. When a clock says 12, you ask yourself if that is midnight or noon. It is no longer a concern that you put your contact lens in the wrong eye and wonder if that is Tartar Control Crest or Handers Buttocks Ointment you just squeezed on your toothbrush.

I am grateful for our youngest who calls once a day and shouts into the phone, "TODAY IS WEDNESDAY!" and then hangs up. In desperate times, little things mean a lot.

Sometimes during the day, the new-mommy daughter and I encourage one another with exchanges like the following:

"You look like someone blacked both your eyes."

"Thank you. Your hair looks like it was caught in the blender."

"I know. You look like you were marooned on a desert isle."

And on it goes, until one of the babies shoots an arm into the air with another question.

"Yes, dear?"

"What time does the party start tonight?"

The babies know good and well when the party starts -- the minute the heads of all adults in the house hit the pillows and they think they have a shot at sleep.


Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

ARCHIVES

© 2009, Lori Borgman

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles