Jewish World Review
Sept. 2, 2010
/ 23 Elul, 5770, 5770
In Man vs. Machines the machines win
More and more I find myself taking care of appliances and gadgets that were
supposed to take care of me.
countertops are all the rage. They’re beautiful and durable but come with a long
list of do’s and don’ts. Do blot spills immediately, don’t use an abrasive
sponge, do use a soft cloth, do use coasters under glasses, bottles and cans and
don’t set hot pans on the counter without a trivet underneath.
Granite is a slab of rock formed by the fiery heat and intense pressure of
volcanoes, but once it enters my home, it suddenly needs kid glove treatment.
is the cooktop stove whose maintenance was supposed to be as easy as wiping up a
spill. I spend more time cleaning that shiny black surface than I spend on my
hair. You boil over one time and you have to scrub with the special polish, rub
with the special sponge, and when that doesn’t work, you scrape with a
not-so-special straight- edge razor blade.
self-cleaning feature on the range that is supposed to save elbow grease advises
that the fumes released in the cleaning process can be harmful to household pets
such as birds. If Tweetie bird isn’t going to hang around to smell the fumes,
I’m not either. There are days when the range now enjoys more time alone in the
house than I do.
Environmentally friendly front-load washing machines were supposed to save time,
money and energy. They collect mold and mildew and have birthed an entire line
of products designed to help owners free their machines of mildew and odors.
Consider it your new hobby.
It used to be you just wiped down a stainless steel sink. Now there is a
polish to use that eliminates streaks and finger prints. Oh, and rub with the
grain of the stainless steel, would you?
setter who redid our bathroom suggested we reseal the grout at least once a
year. I put it on my calendar for Doomsday.
filtration water pitcher designed to give us purer and better tasting water is
needy. Once you see little black specks floating in the pitcher you are to jump
up, run to the store and buy a new filter. I find it easier to say I am serving
light inside the refrigerator flashes once a year warning that its filtration
system needs attention, too. This predictably happens at Thanksgiving.
What better time than a family holiday to lie on your stomach in the middle of
the kitchen and struggle to unscrew the knob holding the old filter, pull it out
and put in a new one equivalent to a nice dinner out for two.
nighttime routine used to be to tuck the kids in bed, now I run around tucking
in electronics – plug in the cell phone, connect the USB to recharge the iPod
and turn off the computer monitor. Nighty-night.
been trained to jump, run, buy and polish at the first buzz, dent, scratch, beep
or flashing light.
If all of our appliances and gizmos were kids, we’d say they were spoiled
The dishwasher just beeped. It always has been sassy.
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JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.
© 2009, Lori Borgman