
 |
|
May 13, 2013
David G. Savage: Church-state, literally? Supreme Court weighing public school graduation in a church
May 10, 2013
Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be
May 8, 2013
Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas
Warren Richey: Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate
Fred Weir: At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad
The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross : Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility
May 6, 2013
May 3, 2013
Kids, kittens the Same? With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell
Sandy Kleffman: Artificial kidney offers hope to patients tethered to a dialysis machine
April 29, 2013
Roy Gutman: Poland's new Jewish museum celebrates life, doesn't revisit Holocaust
Mark Clayton: Terrorism in America: Is US missing a chance to learn from failed plots?
Kim Murphy: Boston Bomber's 'Svengali' Revealed
Pete Spotts: Tiny satellites + cellphones = cheaper 'eyes in the sky' for NASA
April 26, 2013
Clifford D. May: Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism
Sharon Palmer, R.D.: How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty
April 24, 2013
|
| |
Jewish World Review
You don't light up my life
By
Jim Mullen
| 
|
|
|
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
I think I own the only car in the world that does not automatically turn off its lights when I park it and cut the engine. For some unknowable reason, that does not qualify my car as a clunker, and I was not eligible to put $4,500 of your money toward buying a clunker of the future.
Now, there is probably never a good time to have a dead battery, but I think I found the worst place to have zero juice: a modern gas station.
On a recent golf outing, Eldon, the guy with the biggest van, drove us all to the course. We met him at the truck stop out on the interstate, parked our cars and loaded our clubs into his van. After four and a half hours of asking myself why I play this game, after four and a half hours of being told, "You lifted up," "You stepped out of it," "You bailed out on that one," "Your grip is all wrong," Eldon finally got us back to our cars. All I kept thinking was: Waterboard a man and you've tortured him for a day; teach a man to golf and you've tortured him for life. Back in the luxury of being alone in my own vehicle, I would at least not have to listen to any more advice from people who played worse golf than I did.
Did I mention that it had been foggy when I left the house that morning? That I had turned on those headlights that don't turn off automatically so no one would run into me in the fog? Did I mention that on the drive to the gas station, the fog lifted and it turned into a bright, sunny day that was brighter than the glow of my dashboard, so I didn't notice my lights were still on?
You may ask, as my wife does each time this happens, "Doesn't it make a loud sound or an alarm when you open the door?" If we were still speaking, I would say, "Not loud enough."
The good news: I was at a gas station, a place full of people who know about cars. In a few minutes, someone would jump my car and I'd be on my way. An hour later, it occurred to me that I'd have received better help if my car had died outside a bridal shop. The two teens behind the counter at the gas station seemed excited to learn that cars had batteries. It took them completely by surprise.
"Is that one of those new ones that you have to plug in? We don't do that here. I didn't even know they were making them yet." From the way this kid said "you," I knew he spelled it "u."
Except for windshield wiper fluid and motor oil, there was nothing in this gas station remotely related to gas, or motoring, or dead batteries. It was all heat-lamp food and sunscreen -- the necessities. The sunscreen is there to protect your skin from the deadly rays of the heat lamps. It was like asking for automobile help in the lobby of a movie theater. "Sorry your car doesn't work, but for a quarter extra you can get the medium popcorn."
Finally, a Good Samaritan who knew what a car battery was and had jumper cables (what happened to mine, I'll never know) in his trunk parked next to me and got me on the road again. I shook his hand, and said, "I can't thank you enough." Then it hit me that I could thank this guy enough and in a deep and profound way. "Hey, mister! Whatever you do, don't take up golf," I yelled at him as he drove away.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Comment by clicking here.
Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo."
Previously:
Fair or not: Country living is far from Little House
A parable for the ages
Top 100 Cable news stories of the century
Green dumb
A developing story
Thinking outside the lunch box
What's good for the goose is good for the scanner
Newspapers will survive, but network TV?
A really big show of generation gaps
When pigs flu
The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated
Mergers and admonitions
Invest in gold: little, yellow, different
Stuck in Folsom Penthouse
Collecting karma
Setting loose the creative juice
It's all in the numbers
You're damaging your brain with practical skills
The real rat pack
The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic
Gross-ery shopping
© 2009, NEA
|
|

Arnold Ahlert
Mitch Albom
Jay Ambrose
Michael Barone
Barrywood
Lori Borgman
Stratfor Briefing
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Richard Z. Chesnoff
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Suzanne Fields
Christine Flowers
Frank J. Gaffney
Bernie Goldberg
Jonah Goldberg
Julia Gorin
Jonathan Gurwitz
Paul Greenberg
Argus Hamilton
Victor Davis Hanson
Betsy Hart
Ron Hart
Nat Hentoff
A. Barton Hinkle
Jeff Jacoby
Paul Johnson
Jack Kelly
Ch. Krauthammer
David Limbaugh
Kathryn Lopez
Rich Lowry
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Ann McFeatters
Dale McFeatters
Dana Milbank
Jeanne Moos
Dick Morris
Jim Mullen
Deroy Murdock
Judge A. Napolitano
Bill O'Reilly
Clarence Page
Kathleen Parker
Star Parker
Dennis Prager
Wesley Pruden
Tom Purcell
Sharon Randall
Robert Robb
Cokie & Steve Roberts
Heather Robinson
Debra J. Saunders
Martin Schram
Greg Schwem
Culture Shlock
David Shribman
Roger Simon
Lenore Skenazy
Michael Smerconish
Thomas Sowell
Ben Stein
Mark Steyn
John Stossel
Cal Thomas
Dan Thomasson
Bob Tyrrell
Diana West
Dave Weinbaum
George Will
Walter Williams
Byron York
ZeitGeist
Mort Zuckerman

Robert Arial
Chuck Asay
Baloo
Lisa Benson
Chip Bok
Dry Bones
John Branch
John Cole
J. D. Crowe
Matt Davies
John Deering
Brian Duffy
Everything's Relative
Mallard Fillmore
Glenn Foden
Jake Fuller
Bob Gorrel
Walt Handelsman
Joe Heller
David Hitch
Jerry Holbert
David Horsey
Lee Judge
Steve Kelley
Jeff Koterba
Dick Locher
Chan Lowe
Jimmy Margulies
Jack Ohman
Michael Ramirez
Rob Rogers
Drew Sheneman
Kevin Siers
Jeff Stahler
Scott Stantis
Danna Summers
Gary Varvel
Kirk Walters
Dan Wasserman

Tech Q&A
Mr. Know-It-All
Ask Doctor K
Richard Lederer
Frugal Living
On Nutrition
Bookmark These
Bruce Williams
|