Sarah Palin exhausts me.Watching her on the tube makes me certain I have iron-poor blood. Staring at all that abounding confidence and endless energy, I grow weaker by the moment.
And heels. How does the woman stand it all day in those heels? Has she never known the horror of planters fasciitis? Even her feet are supercharged.
The woman manages a family of seven and bounces a special-needs baby on her hip. If I find out she bakes her own bread, I may hurt myself.
While she was joining the PTA, I was checking caller ID for names from the school before answering the phone.
While she was hunting moose, I was popping off a few BBs at a squirrel in the bird feeder.
She is governor of a state twice the size of Texas and I'm a block captain in my subdivision.
I should have my thyroid checked. Do I look pale to you?
She secured authorization to build a 1,715-mile natural gas pipeline, and I wrestled a 50-foot garden hose across the lawn to water the tomatoes.
My arms feel heavy; I think I have mono.
I briefly considered making some WWSD wristbands What Would Sarah Do? And not just because it could be a money maker like the Palin-style eyeglasses and the banana clips but maybe it would motivate me. Maybe I'd take up windsurfing, discover an alternate fuel source or single-handedly dismantle the porn industry.
Who am I kidding? I need a Red Bull.
News accounts say Palin went back to work the day after having her fourth child, Piper. After I gave birth to our youngest, the OB nurse asked me to move from the bed to a wheelchair and I passed out cold. It's not like I was a total wimp. When I came to, I was still clutching my Chapstick.
Palin wears her hair casually piled on top of her head. It's bed hair that looks good. We may have something in common there. I can do bed hair. One small difference, though, is that mine beckons the birds and frightens small children.
I've known two other women like Sarah Palin, women with seemingly inexhaustible energy resources one is the mother of 6 and the other is a mom to 11. And they each have a special-needs child.
How do they do it? They are wired differently. That's it, pure and simple. Well that, and I suspect that they don't sleep much and they mainline Starbucks. Their families work because they operate under the big family dynamic the older ones take care of the younger ones, the extended families often lend a hand and they have solid husbands.
They are highly accomplished and remarkable women and I am happy for each and every one of them. Really and truly. All I'm asking is that they keep a lower profile, as it raises the bar for the rest of us.
Just when you thought the woman who could do it all, be it all and have it all, all at once, had quietly faded away, you find you were wrong.
Excuse me, I need a nap.