Home
In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Sept. 11, 2008 / 11 Elul 5768

Paint names shade toward poetry

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I bought a gallon of paint recently. If this current trend in naming paints continues, hardware stores will need to bring in upholstered chairs and designer coffee bars. You can't be sure if you're reading paint chips or free verse.


Gone are the days of Ivory, Pink and Peach. You can find something along the lines of peach all right, but it will be Peach Burst, Peach Fuzz, Peach Slush or Peachy Keen, not just plain old Peach.


A lot of your paints have taken on two names: Summer Bliss, Mussel Shell, Morning Fog, Twilight Sky, Shoreline Tan, Beach Umbrella and Midsummer's Breeze. At times, you can't be sure whether you are purchasing paint or a time-share on the coast.


The names make it clear that the science of paint has evolved. You no longer simply buy a gallon of paint, you buy an entire life-shaping paint experience: Sand Between Your toes, Midnight Bonfire, Bed 'n Breakfast, Spring Romance, Evening in Paradise and Still Night. All that and a free wooden stir stick besides.


Some of the paint names sound like book titles to cheesy novels.


La Fonda Moss Rose: the story of the matriarch of the Fonda family who is determined to build a shelter for wayward girls, but soon finds herself singing on top of a player piano in a Wild West saloon to pay the rent.


New England Brown: A secretive history professor with worn elbow-patch jackets, a mind for detail, and an eye for the ladies, brings more than ivy league scholarship to a small town in Maine.


Canyon Echo: A man and his horse flee the ghosts of a painful past, seeking solace, but inadvertently finding danger, excitement and adventure, in untamed Arizona.


Even the enticing storybook names for paint won't be enough some day. Paint companies will have to up the ante by having microchips with sound bites attached to paint chips describing the nuances of the hue, the history of the name, the healing qualities of the color and what the different finishes can do for blood pressure, stress and insomnia.


The South is vastly overrepresented in paint names with the likes of Southern Mist, Southern Vine, Southern Breeze and Southern Surf. The rest of the country doesn't get a fraction of the paint names the South does and the shame of it is, they are totally non-descript. Who knows what color Southern Breeze is?


They should use names people have a ready handle on like: Southern Fried Chicken (golden brown), Southern Pecan Pie (golden brown) and Southern Biscuits (golden brown). There are at least 15 golden browns in every paint line, and any good restaurant in the South should be able to provide names for at least a dozen of them.


You should also know that the longer the name of the paint — Gray Timber Wolf, Fire on the Mountain, Morgan Hill Gold, Icing on the Cake — the more it will cost you.


I was looking for a strong yet dignified yellow and had narrowed the search to Caribbean Canary, Dandelion Wish, Four-star Sorbet and a few others. I was feeling pretty heady about my cultured and sophisticated choices. I asked the young man mixing paint what shade he thought the elegant Elizabethan Yellow looked like.


"Mustard," he said.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Pass the Faith, Please" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

ARCHIVES

© 2008, Lori Borgman

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles