
 |
|
June 19, 2013
June 12, 2013
Stephanie Hanes: Little girls or little women? The Disney princess effect
Fred Weir: In tweak to US, Russia would 'consider' asylum for Snowden
June 10, 2013
The Kosher Gourmet by Anjali Prasertong: A tart filling so good it might not make it to the crust
June 5, 2013
John Rosemond: Mom, Dad: Talk More and listen less
Kristen Chick: Egypt court sentences 43 pro-democracy workers to prison
June 3, 2013
Molly Hennessy-Fiske: Military judge to consider letting Fort Hood shooting defendant represent himself
May 29, 2013
Andrew Connelly and Helene Bienvenu: The Little Synagogue that Refused to Die
May 24, 2013
Rabbi Tzvi Hersh Weinreb: When I didn't so 'humbly disagree'
May 22, 2013
John Thorne:
They launched the 'Arab Spring' but now yearn for the good old days of a strongman
May 20, 2013
Richard A. Serrano: Is Meir Kahane's assassin now a changed man?
Melissa Healy: Genetic copies of living people from embryos no longer science fiction
Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Jews Inducted into Rock Hall of Fame; Anton Yelchin co-stars in New "Trek" film; Kutcher (but not Kunis) visits Israel; Jewish TV Star Praises Jewish Rap Star
The Kosher Gourmet by Cathy Pollak: WARNING: This WALNUT CAKE WITH PRALINE FROSTING, perfect for afternoon coffee, is addicting
|
| |
Jewish World Review
August 21, 2007
/ 7 Elul, 5767
Houston, we have an image problem
By
Malcolm Fleschner
| 
|
|
|
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Today most of us don't give much thought to the space shuttle - viewing it
as just one of many multibillion-dollar government expenditures offering
unknown benefits to the taxpayers. Yet not too long ago the space shuttle
was widely considered one of NASA's most remarkable advances, rivaling in
popularity other space age innovations like the zero gravity toilet and
Tang.
I still recall in 1981 being corralled, along with my 7th grade classmates,
into the school library to watch the live broadcast of the Shuttle
Columbia's maiden launch. As the craft became airborne, a hush fell over the
class, unbroken until my friend Sean Doherty, reflecting the majesty and
wonder of the moment, audibly murmured, "Who gives a s**t?"
OK, so maybe not all of us were that captivated by the space shuttle. But
can you blame us? After all, my generation came of age well after man had
been to the moon. We'd witnessed the spectacle of the Millennium Falcon and
X-wing fighters battling it out with Imperial Destroyers and the Death Star
(the nerdier among us witnessed this spectacle dozens of times). Yet we were
supposed to be impressed by a NASA space ship that looked like little more
than an overfed DC-10?
The other problem is with the term "Space Shuttle," which misled many of us
into believing that that make lengthy intergalactic travel would soon be a
thing of the past.
Coworker #1: "So, what are you doing this weekend?"
Coworker #2: "Oh, Francine and I are heading out to Alpha Centauri."
Coworker #1: "Really? But isn't that a long trip?"
Coworker #2: "No, not at all, we're taking the shuttle."
Then again, who knows, maybe the shuttle does travel to the farthest reaches
of the galaxy, picking up alien life forms and, in a bit of a role reversal,
subjecting them to anal probes. Frankly, like most Americans, I have very
little idea what the shuttle's mission usually is or what the astronauts are
doing while they're up there.
As far as I can tell, a typical shuttle mission timeline goes roughly like
this:
1. To much fanfare, a shuttle launch date is announced, and then immediately
scrapped because of anticipated weather trouble at Cape Canaveral.
2. Despite NASA meteorologists' ongoing concerns about "patchy early morning
clouds," the shuttle manages to achieve liftoff.
3. NASA officials announce that they've discovered a previously unknown
structural problem with the shuttle such as faulty t
iles, defective heat
shields or a "leaky oil pan."
4. The news media nervously report that the astronauts will attempt to
repair the shuttle's exterior with an unplanned and potentially risky
spacewalk. Luckily, the announcers add, this crew happens to include Virgil
"Bondo" Bonderman, the first auto body repair shop employee to go into
space.
5. Having successfully fixed whatever was wrong with the shuttle, the
astronauts are cleared for reentry. However, out of fear of a cold front, a
warm front or a "front that is basically room temperature" moving toward
Florida, they are redirected to land at Edwards Air Force Base in
California.
6. After receiving a heroes' welcome, the astronauts are dismayed to learn
that they will be billed extra for dropping off the shuttle at a site
different from the original rental location.
Of course, having witnessed what can happen when things really go wrong on a
shuttle mission, Americans are always relieved to see the shuttle return in
one piece. But NASA isn't looking to generate relief - they want to generate
excitement; they want to generate enthusiasm; they want to generate more
funding! And that means coming up with novel ways to capture the public's
attention. Which explains the case of astronaut Lisa Nowak, who earlier this
year famously drove non-stop from Houston to Orlando, possibly while wearing
adult diapers, to confront and kidnap a romantic rival for a fellow
astronaut's affections.
For most of us, this behavior was shocking -not the kind of thing you ever
heard about from guys like John Glenn or Neil Armstrong. But this is the new
space program. Where once NASA recruited astronauts who had "The Right
Stuff," today the agency is cultivating more of a "stable of the unstable" -
astronauts whose mastery of space travel is only exceeded by their ability
to entertain the rest of us with their bizarre and erratic behavior here on
earth.
So what does the future hold for the space agency? Having achieved great
visibility with the love triangle story, NASA will no doubt roll out other
soap opera-inspired plots. The public should anticipate soon hearing about
astronauts suffering from amnesia, being kidnapped and replaced by an evil
twin, returning from the dead and, this being NASA after all, becoming
impregnated by a space alien.
At least with that last story line, no one would ever again wonder just what
the astronauts are "doing" up there.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.
Previously:
08/21/07: In the heat of fashion
08/09/07: Let's get in the game
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning
© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner
|
|

Arnold Ahlert
Mitch Albom
Jay Ambrose
Michael Barone
Barrywood
Lori Borgman
Stratfor Briefing
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Richard Z. Chesnoff
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Suzanne Fields
Christine Flowers
Peter Funt
Frank J. Gaffney
Bernie Goldberg
Jonah Goldberg
Julia Gorin
Jonathan Gurwitz
Paul Greenberg
Argus Hamilton
Victor Davis Hanson
Betsy Hart
Ron Hart
Nat Hentoff
A. Barton Hinkle
Jeff Jacoby
Paul Johnson
John Kass
Jack Kelly
Ch. Krauthammer
David Limbaugh
Kathryn Lopez
Rich Lowry
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Ann McFeatters
Dale McFeatters
Dana Milbank
Jeanne Moos
Dick Morris
Jim Mullen
Deroy Murdock
Judge A. Napolitano
Bill O'Reilly
Clarence Page
Kathleen Parker
Star Parker
Dennis Prager
Wesley Pruden
Tom Purcell
Sharon Randall
Michael Reagan
Robert Robb
Cokie & Steve Roberts
Heather Robinson
Debra J. Saunders
Martin Schram
Greg Schwem
Culture Shlock
David Shribman
Roger Simon
Lenore Skenazy
Michael Smerconish
Thomas Sowell
Mark Steyn
John Stossel
Cal Thomas
Dan Thomasson
Bob Tyrrell
Diana West
Dave Weinbaum
George Will
Walter Williams
Byron York
Cathy Young
Mort Zuckerman

Eric Allie
Robert Arial
Chuck Asay
Baloo
Nate Beeler
Lisa Benson
Chip Bok
Dry Bones
John Branch
Daryl Cagle
Patrick Chappatte
John Cole
Paul Combs
J. D. Crowe
John Darkow
Bill Day
John Deering
Sean Delonas
Brian Duffy
Everything's Relative
Randall Enos
Mallard Fillmore
David Fitzsimmons
Glenn Foden
Jake Fuller
Bob Gorrel
Walt Handelsman
Joe Heller
David Hitch
Jerry Holbert
David Horsey
Lee Judge
Steve Kelley
Mike Keefe
Jeff Koterba
Dick Locher
Chan Lowe
Jimmy Margulies
Gary McCoy
Rick McKee
Jack Ohman
Jeff Parker
Milt Priggee
Michael Ramirez
Rob Rogers
Steve Sack
Bill Schorr
Drew Sheneman
Kevin Siers
David Ray Skinner
Jeff Stahler
Scott Stantis
Danna Summers
Gary Varvel
Kirk Walters
Christopher Weyant
Larry Wright
Dan Wasserman
Adam Zyglis

Tech Q&A
Mr. Know-It-All
Ask Doctor K
Richard Lederer
Frugal Living
On Nutrition
Bookmark These
Bruce Williams
|