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Nov. 20, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: How to make every second of your life come first
Caroline B. Glick: Whither American Jewry
Nov. 19, 2009
Binyamin L. Jolkovsky: Please Listen to this Godcast (5 minutes)
Jonathan Tobin: ADL Crosses the Line with Report Bashing Obama Critics
Nov. 18, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: What Judaism has to say about the secret of the Mona Lisa's smile
JWisdom.com: The (Jewish) Dating Game with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (8 minutes)
Nov. 17, 2009
Steven Emerson: How Does the 4th Amendment Impact Terror Finance Investigations?
JWisdom.com: If Frank Sinatra married Edith Piaf with Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein (2 minutes) Life lessons from what would be regarded as the most inappropriate lyrics ever sung
Nov. 16, 2009
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : When borrowing is stealing
JWisdom.com: Deconstructing faith with Rabbi Warren Goldstein (9 minutes)
Nov. 13, 2009
JWisdom.com Sarah's subjective reality with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 6 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: Obama's failure, Netanyahu's opportunity
Nov. 12, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet By Marialisa Calta : A sweet sweet potato treat
JWisdom.com Does God get tired? with Rabbi Harvey Belovski ( 5 minutes)
Nov. 11, 2009
Rabbi Avi Shafran: Jews and money: When anti-Semitism isn't
JWisdom.com Marriages are not made in Heaven with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (VERY fast 15 minutes)
Nov. 10, 2009
Michael Doyle: Author of book exposing CAIR ordered to remove supporting documents from Web
JWisdom.com If the creation so loudly shouts the existence of the Creator, why aren't more people believers? with Rabbi Naftali Brawer (9 minutes)
Nov. 9, 2009
Mark Steyn: Shooter exposes hole in U.S. terror strategy
JWisdom.com It's never too late to have a happy childhood with Sarah Chana Radcliffe (5 minutes)
Nov. 6, 2009
Rabbi Berel Wein: Choosing to hear
JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick The mullahs' big week
Suzanne Fields A Fallen Wall for Fallen Man
Nov. 5, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet: Three scrumptious -- but simple -- butternut squash dishes
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
Tom Hamburger and Kim Geiger: Should prayers be covered?
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
Martin Peretz: Beware, Barack. Beware, Rahm. Beware, Axelrod
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater? With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The Holocaust is now on Facebook
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review Sept. 21, 2007 / 9 Tishrei 5768, 5767

Life and ice cream in the fast lane: Husband takes the dip cone challenge

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | There are some challenges a man just can't resist. Let the records show that the husband took his stand with a chocolate dip cone in the year 2007. We are on our way to an upscale affair an hour out of town. The husband is wearing his good suit pants, a crisp white shirt and a tie, and has his suit coat in the backseat with plans to put it on once we arrive.


If there are stages of life, I am officially in the "Thirsty Stage." I don't know why. I just am.


I ask the husband if we have time to whip through a fast food joint so I can get something to drink. He says sure and maybe he'll get an ice cream cone.


"But you're wearing a white shirt," I say. I may have said it in a slightly naggy tone.


"A chocolate dip cone," he says.


"You can't eat a chocolate dip cone when you're driving and wearing a white shirt!" That one I said in a real naggy tone.


I have inadvertently issued a challenge. This is a mistake because I'm pretty sure the man was a juggler in a former life.


Every morning he takes two cups of coffee from the house to drink in the car. We have a nice travel mug but he prefers two breakable coffee cups. One to teeter on the dashboard, and one to angle sideways in the cup holder. He takes the speed bump at 30 and they never spill.


He is known to balance books six high on top on the console in the middle of the front seat. And then set a camera on top of that. He always catches them before they topple.


He stacks envelopes to be mailed on the dashboard that slopes like a ski run. He can round a corner and snag them as they slide.


"Your number is up," I snap. "Maybe when your shirt has chocolate on it you can just carry my pink purse in front of your chest. Or wear your suit coat backward."


He just smiles and orders a Diet Coke for me and a dip cone. He unfolds napkins, covers his shirt and tucks two into his collar. Cirque Du Soleil doesn't take this many precautions.


On the first bite he makes a clean break. We hang a hard right out of the lot, accelerate on the entrance ramp and hit 70 on the Interstate. Driver, cone and white shirt are still intact.


He takes another bite and the chocolate cracks down the center. The back wedge wobbles toward his chest. He bobs low and makes a mid-air catch worthy of an instant replay.


One mile later, he is down to three jagged chunks of chocolate teetering above the cone. Bing, bing, bing, he knocks them off and wolfs them down rapid fire. He turns to gloat and a big drip of ice cream smacks the napkin covering his shirt.


"What it gonna be, Big Guy? My purse or my necklace?"


He lifts the napkins. The ice cream has gone through layer one, layer two and soaked a small spot — on his tie, in the center of a dark brown paisley. It is undetectable. He thrusts his arms into a victory stance and makes a rushing air sound like thousands of dip cone fans are cheering wildly.


We arrive at our destination and exit the car. I have two big spots of Diet Coke on the bottom of my jacket.


Gravity-defying Husband: 1. Naggy Wife: 0.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Pass the Faith, Please" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

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© 2007, Lori Borgman

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