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Nov, 21, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: Money matters?

Caroline B. Glick: Civilization walks the plank

Nov, 20, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: Bronfman's blindness

The Kosher Gourmet By Linda Gassenheimer: Portobellos add a hearty flavor to pasta with pesto

Nov, 19, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Spread the wealth? Jewish tradition and income equality

Elliot B. Gertel: 'Mad Men': Tackling prejudices or reinforcing them?

Nov, 18, 2008

Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn: The End of the Age of Reason

Jonathan Tobin: Does Barack + Bibi = Disaster?

Nov, 17, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The End of the Age of Reason

Diana West: Gulling Americans into making terror legit?

Nov, 14, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: The Power of Spiritual Inertia

Caroline B. Glick: The perils ahead

Nov, 13, 2008

Stratfor Intelligence Briefing: How Bush and Obama together could change the Middle East dynamic

The Kosher Gourmet by JeanMarie Brownson: Sweet and savory, crispy and meltingly tender bestilla

Nov, 12, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Tyrannical Co-Workers

Michael Doyle: High Court to consider today donated monuments that may have religious messages in public parks

Nov, 11, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Will Obama stop government officials considering institutionalizing financial jihad?

Jonathan Tobin: They Will Decide Their Own Fate

Nov, 10, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: $8 billion, modern-day Tower of Babel being built?

Barry Rubin: A letter to the president-elect from a Middle East realist

Nov, 7, 2008

Rabbi Francis Nataf: Of Children and Immortality

Caroline B. Glick: Livni's Obama strategy

Nov, 6, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: How I tricked a classroom of apathetic students into grasping the fallacy of moral relativism

The Kosher Gourmet By Gina Kim: Tips for making the perfect soup --- includes recipes

Nov, 5, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Destitute Debtors

Bruce Weinstein: 'Religulos': Bad title,even worse movie

Nov, 4, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Treasury Dept. submits to Shariah law

Frida Ghitis: A surprise for Obama in the Middle East

Nov, 3, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Who says Jews are Smart?

Jonathan Tobin: Was He Wrong About Everything?

Oct. 31, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: Our Immutable Noble Essence

Caroline B. Glick: Running against Bush

Oct. 30, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: The End of the Special Relationship?

Steve Lipman: 'Kid Kosher' Gets A Title Shot

Oct. 29, 2008

Binyamin L. Jolkovsky: GET US THE TAPE THE L.A. TIMES REFUSES TO RELEASE, AND WE'LL GIVE YOU CASH!

Dr. Ari Korenblit: Making The Write Choice for President

Oct. 28, 2008

Mona Charen: Denial runs through American Jewry

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Sell-off to capitalism or sell-out to Islam?

Oct. 27, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Are tax deductions for charitable donations moral?

Jonathan Mark: The Mystery Of The Arab-American Vote

Oct. 24, 2008

'Why aren't all religious people vegetarians?': Response by Miriam Kosman

Caroline B. Glick: Testing Obama's mettle

Oct. 23, 2008

Daniel Pipes: Obama Would Fail Security Clearance

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: A fast chicken dish with an Asian accent

Oct. 20, 2008

Gary Rosenblatt: Still One Torah

Jonathan Tobin: Government 'Gifts' Are Not Free

Oct. 17, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Sukkos and the Great Meltdown

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of law

Oct. 16, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Copying DVDs: RIP OR RIPOFF?

Cal Thomas: Blaming the Jews (again)

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review Sept. 28, 2006 / 6 Tishrei 5767

The world reacts to ‘news’ of bin Laden's death

By James Lileks


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Bin Laden's dead! Or not.


The French thought so, for a while; a respected Gallic journal reported that bin Laden had succumbed to typhus, of all things. The Saudis said they had no confirmation. (Note to the Saudis: People tend to wonder why you'd know such things. Is he calling up once a week to check his messages?) We've been here before. Bin Laden's death has been reported many times, but the fact that he didn't send a 9/11 anniversary video made many conclude that he's assumed cave temperature.


But let's say he's dead, just for grins. How might today's key players respond?


Ayman al-Zawahri: "Well, that's the end of the line for us, obviously. No point in going on. I'm calling the pope over for tea tomorrow, bygones be bygones. Right now we're having a going-out-of-business sale. Plans for American nuclear reactors, videotape of major bridges, this stupid suitcase nuke we bought from Russian mobsters who didn't include the combination for the locks. Everything must go. We'll even throw in a blooper reel from some of Osama's speeches. One day he was in one of those moods where you just can't pronounce `insidious Zoroastrian' to save your soul, and he gave up and started doing the speech in a Wolfman Jack imitation. He'll be missed."


Unnamed camp follower in Pakistan: "We thought he was dead a year ago, and I can tell you, the news of his death hit me hard in the heart, and the head, and the part between the heart and the head, and also the loins and right here, around the spleen? But it turns out that was actually a Tomahawk missile. Now that I learn he has been felled by an inglorious Zionist disease, I will commit myself to washing my hands nine times a day, and thus do my part for jihad. Aside from that, I'm going home to Egypt. I think I left the iron on."


Howard Dean: "After five years of failing to get bin Laden, it is remarkable that this administration still refuses to acknowledge that the illegal, ill-planned and incompetently executed war in Iraq deprived Afghanistan of the resources that could have been used to send Special Forces into sovereign Pakistani territory and sicken bin Laden three years ago. But they're perfectly content to let the victims of Katrina get typhus, and pay an ambulance surcharge because of high gas prices. In any case, the so-called death of bin Laden solves nothing, as long as we continue to enflame the world by shooting back at people who shoot at us."


Hugo Chavez: "He is dead? I bet he smells. Smells horrible. Do you smell that? Hah! Pull my finger. I wipe my nose with 20-dollar bills! Do you have the number for that woman who translated my remarks, because she sounded hot. Hah!"


President Ahmadinejad: "If a man such as bin Laden can die, then surely the cause is lost. I believe I will abandon my nukes and commit myself to reforming our government and inventing something useful the rest of the world will want to buy. Just kidding! Seriously, death to Israel."


Bill Clinton: "Now you listen, and listen good: I tried to give him typhus in 1998, but Jocelyn Elders nixed the plan. I'd also add that we signed treaties forbidding biological warfare, and there was unanimous consent among the military that we couldn't use biological agents like this, and those treaties were signed onto by Republican leadership, and Fox News covered it up because Rupert Murdoch takes money from space aliens, as Richard Clarke pointed out in his book."


Scratchy tape purporting to be bin Laden: "I'm not dead. I'm much better. Right now I am doing one-handed push-ups! I am feeling the burn!"


Perhaps in a few months it'll turn out that the French intelligence reports were inaccurate, and millions of people were needlessly disappointed.


Chirac lied, and people sighed!

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor James Lileks is a columnist for the Minneapolis Star Tribune. Comment by clicking here.

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