In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Sept. 26, 2006 / 4 Tishrei, 5767

Osama bin Laden is DEAD?

By Patrick Hurley

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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Reports are coming in from France today that Osama bin Laden died of typhoid fever recently. In the inimitable words of Chester Riley, "What a revolting development this is!" I cannot believe that the guy we have been looking for for the past five years is no longer searchable.

I guess I can cancel my flight to Kabul now. I had leased a camel and everything. Darn.

Darn, darn, DARN!

This was going to be my shot at becoming internationally known, too. I had a secret plan to find the old mongoose. I had packed several mp3 players to bribe his security force and some oversized Hershey bars to win over his virgins. When I finally met him face to face I was going to persuade him to turn himself in to me. (I have a history of persuasion; I talked Miss USA into going out with me once)

Furthermore, no one is going to get credit for finding him now. I mean, someone might bring in his decayed body but I don't think that is quite the same, is it? This takes all the fun out of the hunt. It's like turning loose a bunch of bloodhounds in the woods with no fox. Or more appropriately, it is tantamount to a bunch of construction guys in a bar seeing who is going to score with that sexy blonde….transvestite.

The good news is that he will not die a martyr. That kind of sacrifice would have inflamed the terrorists who worshipped his every move. How do they rally around the idea of their beloved leader getting felled by killer SEWAGE!

In a roundabout way, because we had him on the run, we sort of did kill him since he probably got his disease by uh, dirt. He wasn't exactly living in style. But, one would think he was used to eating worms and prairie dogs. I bet for half his natural life he lived in a cave. Only Mother Theresa ate less healthily than Osama. At least she LOOKED like she probably did.

We should find out in the next couple of years if this report is true. Think of it, the world's #1 criminal dies of a bacterial infection. Didn't Al Capone…?

John Lennon was obsessive compulsive washing his hands several times a day. Howard Hughes was just as nutty. But, neither of them died of bacteria. In fact, I am not sure Howard is dead. I know his fingernails still live. If there is a moral here it is to take a lot of showers if you want to live a full life. What's that saying, "cleanliness is next to godliness?" I believe that is an old Hebrew phrase which proves that he should have listened to Israel a little more carefully, after all!

Just think of it…if Osama bin Laden had used Irish Spring, I would still have a chance to be the hero of my generation.

Life is not fair.

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JWR contributor Patrick Hurley, a three time Emmy award winner for television, lives in Orange County, California. He has presented humorous presentations in 46 states to over six million people. He has had six books published (none that has anything to do with the Middle East).

09/05/06: A Celebration of Sadness; A Commitment to Success!
09/01/06: A Screaming Howard Dean rants, ‘Where is our PLAN!?’
08/29/06: John Mark Karr and Jennifer Willbanks announce their engagement
08/21/06: My First Jewish World Review Article

© 2006, Patrick Hurley