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Jewish World Review College loans and job-search groans By Jim Mullen http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Where did all the good, high-paying jobs for B.A.'s in English Lit go all of a sudden? Four years of my life, wasted. Actually, the years weren't wasted; I was. Now I'm going to have to move back into my parents' house. Well, not my parents' house, because they don't have one anymore. They've moved back in with their parents. So I'll be living in my grandparents' house with them. It's like living in the world's worst frat house. No binge drinking allowed, and they expect me to be out of bed by 6 a.m. How did things come to this? We didn't have the biggest house in our subdivision, but my siblings and I each had an extra bedroom for our toys and clothes, and the four-car garage had plenty of room for our golf clubs and kayaks. Dad put in a pool, and Mom had the kitchen redone to look like an Italian palace she saw on one of our twice-a-year cruises. Then, all of a sudden, we're broke. I never did figure out how that happened. Where did all the money go? Grandpa is an electrician, and Grandma never worked outside the house. They never went to college, they never take vacations and they still live in a tiny house they bought when they were first married. With cash, Grandpa keeps telling me, he doesn't owe anyone a penny. Well, duh. He never buys anything. Anybody could do that. Gramps says, "What do I need a big house for?" He needs it so that my parents and I don't have to keep bumping into one another, that's why. I don't know why he and Grandma seem so happy. They don't have anything. His car is from the '90s! There's not an HDTV in the house; they don't even get basic cable. He's never heard of "Halo" and "World of Warcraft" or beer pong. He wouldn't know an app if it bit him on the face. He doesn't know how to text, yet they still let him drive, even though he's in his 60s! Me, I'm $130,000 in debt, and no one wants to learn about Chaucer. I should have majored in something more practical, like astronomy or anthropology, where the big bucks are. I went to Starbucks yesterday to catch up with some of my classmates, who aren't having any better luck finding a job than I am. "The whole market for M.F.A.'s has disappeared too," Faberge told me. "It's as if no one wants curators for private art collections anymore. I'll never be able to pay off my student loans. If only I had learned how to use a tattoo needle. That's where all the money is in contemporary art. But my parents don't understand. They think instead of spending $16 a day at Starbucks, I should be working at one. Like that's going to pay my bills. They are so stuck in the past." "Why don't you just start painting and sell your stuff for a couple million dollars a canvas?" I asked. "After all, you have a degree, and a lot of way famous artists never had a degree." "Good idea. And why don't you just go home and knock out a few best-sellers?" "I studied English, not writing." "You couldn't go read Dickens at the library for free? You had to go to college for that?" Faberge is totally lacking in the sympathy department. He and my grandfather would get along well. "Why would anyone read Dickens if they didn't have to?" I replied. "That's the whole college experience -- doing things that make you miserable. My cousin Billy wouldn't do it. He and I are exactly the same age, and he spent the last four years learning how to be an electrician with my granddad. He could have gone to college, but he'd rather do something he likes. It's going to hold him back the rest of his life." "Wait a minute," Faberge said. "Didn't he just get married and buy a house?" "Yeah, a little one." "You've seen it?" "No, but he said there wasn't enough room for me to move in with them." Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo." Previously: That buzzing you hear is the sound of time flying Too much of anything can get annoying Five billionth in line for the throne WARNING! This article may cause drowsiness The mail and email of the species Jotting down the un-bucket list Bees deliver stinging fashion critique Have a tissue issue? Help is a phone call away My guy's guys are better than your guy's guys Divorce, Facebook style Millionaires are a dime a dozen What not to name the baby Technology is a wonderful thing -- when it works A bad case of the wedding bill blues Of cupcakes, teenage moms and crazy nuptials FOOD FIGHT! Rolling Stoned Caterwauling over death of books is premature Ask your doctor if this column is right for you Could shopping be any more inconvenient? Thanks for the lack of memories Help wanted: Teenage life coach with all the answers Sorry, wrinkles are not legal proof of age Dead mice tell no tales GOING PAPERLESS -- PRICELESS! Should bad behavior be rewarded? The perplexing problems of the rich and famous Do these glasses make my gut look big? More expensive by the dozen In one year and out the other Thank heaven it's Black Friday Planning for the long term ---- tomorrow READING THIS WILL MAKE YOU THIN AND HAPPY! The Seven Secrets of Success It's tough living off the gridIt's tough living off the grid How not to clean the houseIt's tough living off the grid The yellow badge of cowardice Any way you slice it Home sweet homeschooling Don't Head for the Borders Money ball Golf and death go hand in hand Tune in, turn off, unplug The radar curtain Is Steve Jobs clouding my privacy? The gift of garbage Johnny Intern, Ph.D. Twenty-foot fences make good neighbors You must remember this… TV experts and real news Hey caller, where's the fire? My sad cushy life Pacemaker, don't you mess around with me Big Brother is skinny Flight of the snowbirds This HDTV needs child support Dear Future: Where's the dome? Not so elementary, my dear Watson A vacation revolution Your call is very unimportant to us Life: There's no app for that Bam! Practical kitchen magic Poisoning myself Ban Huck Finn in schools --- even the sanitized version! $38,000 for traffic and weather updates 2011 Predictions: Nostradamus was a hack 2010: A year of annoying junk Why do bad things happen to stupid people? Moving on from movie theaters Money never sleeps, but it does pass out President Trump kept it classy Stalking your college kid won't change a thing Putting my life in ‘Jeopardy’ Mo' government, mo' problems iLostIt Dressed for excess Expert tease The mysteries of Jersey ‘You are a toilet, where am I?’ Don't we all cheat at the game of life? What happens when I forget where Google is? Don't let the doorman hit you on the way out Picasso fiasco Purple (hair) ‘Daze’ Let me hear your body talk Working from work Babies deserve clean restrooms, too 3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past Money-making ideas on the fly Collecting and hoarding Chain of fools Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic A pose by any other name Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers ‘He loves only gold, only gold’ Think about direction, wonder why … Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet More like ‘wack’ Friday The good, the ad and the ugly The desert of the real Let books be large and in charge I was insulting people way before the Internet GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left! Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high Music to my ears it's not You don't light up my life Fair or not: Country living is far from ‘Little House’ A parable for the ‘ages’ Top 100 Cable news stories of the century Green dumb A developing story Thinking outside the lunch box What's good for the goose is good for the scanner Newspapers will survive, but network TV? A really big show of generation gaps When pigs flu The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated Mergers and admonitions Invest in gold: little, yellow, different Stuck in Folsom Penthouse Collecting karma Setting loose the creative ‘juice’ It's all in the numbers You're damaging your brain with practical skills The real rat pack The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic Gross-ery shopping © 2009, NEA

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