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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review August 10, 2012/ 22 Menachem-Av, 5772

Pouty purse has last laugh

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I have always carried a grudge against my purse.

A purse is cumbersome. You have to carry it across your arm or sling it over your shoulder. It is always too small or too big, and when it's too heavy it makes your shoulder ache. You have to find room for it in the car, at a friend's house, the movie theater, or the restaurant. Remember not to trip over it.

I have pocket envy. I wish I could travel light, like men who can pack everything they need into their pockets.

I recently left my purse at home sitting in the kitchen. "Won't be needing you today," I chirped. I was traveling light. All I would be taking with me was my cell phone, and my driver's license and a credit card both of which had been tucked in a pocket. Talk about sudden weight loss. I was five pounds lighter as I hopped in the car. Carefree and purse free, that's what I was.

Two minutes from home my hands felt dry. I needed hand lotion, which was in my purse, the one sitting alone in the kitchen. Not to worry. There was probably some in the middle console of the car. I dug around with one hand and steered with the other. I found a small bottle of anti-bacterial hand gel. It wasn't hand lotion, but at least it would be moist. I squirted a big blob into my hands and rubbed them together.

The gel felt odd. It was thick and heavy. The gel began to harden like glue. I glanced at the bottle. It was a trial sample of a facial cleanser that looked exactly like hand gel. I had just lathered my hands with facial cleanser. It felt like I was wearing thick gloves with tight plastic lining.

I kept one soaped-up hand on the wheel and stretched my other soap-caked hand to the glove box. Registration papers, straws, air pressure gauge, Tylenol. Finally - an anti-bacterial foam pump, cranberry scented. It looked ancient, but I was desperate. I squirted some into my hands.

The foam made the facial soap suds. I should have known that.

Now the steering wheel was slippery. And the foam didn't smell like cranberry, it smelled like urine. My sticky, sudsy hands smelled like wet diaper.

I dug through the console again. Surely there was a napkin in there somewhere, a scrap of paper, a cash register receipt. Anything? Nothing.

Wait. A dollar bill!

I tried wiping my hands on the dollar. Nothing. The gunk had hardened and my hands were shriveling.

I fished through the console again. Eureka! -- a small hand and face wipe in a foil packet. I opened it carefully at a stoplight, taking care to unfold it gently so I would get every drop of moisture. It tore along every fold. It does no good to wipe your hands with a small, dry, shredded paper towel.

Finally at my destination, 30 minutes later, I went directly to the ladies room. I left so many bubbles behind it looked like a 5-year-old had been playing in the sink.

When I returned home, I put my license and credit card back in my wallet. My purse laughed out loud.


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JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

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© 2012, Lori Borgman

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