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May 24, 2012
Jeff Jacoby: The peace process battered Israel's reputation
Michael Muskal: 'Pro-choice' position hits record low, according to poll
Chris Farrell: Are We in a Tech Bubble?
The Kosher Gourmet by Penelope Wall: PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS --- hold the steak!
May 23, 2012
Tony Pugh: More private colleges offering tuition discounts
Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You
Tina Susman: The wig wasn't enough: Man gets 13 years for posing as his dead mom
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right
May 22, 2012
Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide
Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili
May 21, 2012
Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks
Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security?
Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy?
Guy Jackson : Victim's father regrets death of Lockerbie bomber
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: Famed chef's veal shoulder farsumagru: A festive meat course for late spring
May 18, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: Striving: The People of the Book's Book for (All of) the People
Steven Goldberg: 5 Great Stock Picks and the Exchange-Traded Fund that Owns Them
Mary Pickett, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Don't be forced into gluten-free lifestyle based merely on a doctor's false-positive test
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: DIY healthy lunchbox treats: HOMEMADE FRUIT BARS for kids and brown-bagging adults alike
May 17, 2012
Warren Richey: Teacher fired for being unwed and pregnant can sue religious school, court rules
Josh Mitnick: Netanyahu's 'centrist' coalition is already proving it's anything but
Steven Goldberg: Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Amina Khan: Research links coffee to lower death rates
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Duran : Cheesy Potato Breakfast Casserole with Cheddar and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
May 16, 2012
Carmen Terzic, M.D., Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: A variety of exercises can help improve balance
Melissa Healy: National strategy on Alzheimer's disease aims to halt it by 2025
The Kosher Gourmet by Joyce White : GOODNESS GRACIOUS: GREENS! 4 winning recipes that are no longer just for down-home folks (Includes expert tips & techniques)
May 15, 2012
Kristen Chick: Obama administration resumes arms sales to Bahrain despite serious unresolved human rights issues. Activists feel abandoned
Pat Mertz Esswein: Homes are now affordable again and mortgage rates are low. What you need to know before you buy
Kathy Kristof: Our Practical Investor Fights Inflation with These 6 Investments
Sue Hubbard, M.D.: The Kid's Doctor: Lactose intolerant young child? Check again
The Kosher Gourmet by Kathy Hunt: Spread a Little Excitement with EXOTIC CONDIMENTS (4 RECIPES)
May 14, 2012
Lisa Gerstner: How to Protect Your Identity, Finances If You Lose Your Phone
Harvard Health Letters: Heart disease and dementia
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: MANGO COCONUT OAT MORNING MUFFINS are a bright but hearty delight
May 11, 2012
Jessica L. Anderson: Get the Best Deal on a Used Car
Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli
The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON
May 10, 2012
Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square
Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity
Jeff Bertolucci: Get Home Phone Service for Less Than $10 a Month
The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare
May 9, 2012
Sharon Palmer, R.D. How you can reduce your risk -- or delay -- chronic diseases associated with aging
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Jewish World Review
Fast Times: The Sequel
By
Chris Erskine
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The other night, they held the Second Annual Pub Crawl in our little village on the outskirts of Los Angeles. Some people drink to forget. Me, I drink to remember.
Anyway, the pub crawl was the brainchild of our friends Jeremy and Julie, who requested costumes this year, probably in an effort to protect our identities and reputations. The theme was TV and movies from the '70s and '80s (as if I were even born then).
But I played along, even though I was obviously the baby of the bunch. Two weeks later, I still haven't found my car, and a significant part of my wardrobe is still missing, including the hairpiece I wear to weddings. And to the beach to keep the sun off.
Most of all, I miss my car. The Little German was an old beater that we relied on for trips to the Hollywood Bowl or to Dodger games. In L.A., you need one crappy car to drive to events where you're sure the idiot parking next to you is going to ding your door, or to places where you might clip a curb in a desperate effort to flee. I guess that describes most places in L.A.
By the way, if I still seem a little drunk to you, blame the LeBoeuf sisters, Alisa and Missy, who wore pink pussycat outfits with fishnet tops. The connection to the '70s and '80s was tenuous, though no one complained, especially the men.
Gentlemen, stop your engines. Jeeesh.
The lovely LeBoeuf sisters apparently went to high school with the host, Jeremy. I know this is true because any time he would stop by our table at the pub crawl, the three of them would all smile devious little reptilian smiles.
I'll always regret that I never went to high school in California, but I did see "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" about 14 times. We had Jeff Spicolis at our high school, too — who didn't? — but the message I took away from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" was that nearly everybody had a great time in California back in the '70s and '80s because, essentially, there were no parents.
I attended a high school near Chicago very similar to one in another movie, "The Breakfast Club." It was a truth-aversive little suburb with really amazing facilities and ball fields for as far as the eye could see. We had a good time too, though instead of beaches, we had cornfields. Ever surfed a cornfield? Epic.
Anyway, this pub crawl reminded me a lot of high school, and what's so wrong with that? The best part was when the 40 of us would walk along the busy boulevard from one bar to the other, one dude dressed like Wonder Woman.
As you might guess, this prompted a heavy police presence, for in our little suburb nothing much happens, especially after 2 in the afternoon, and this costumed pub crawl apparently had "Bank Robbery" written all over it. You can get away with almost anything in our progressive little village, but the townsfolk wake up and snort when you start messing with their money.
Witnesses will attest that there was a sheriff's car at the steak house and another one hovering near the Conrad's restaurant. If something bad was going down at Conrad's, that would've been a first, because the place smells like chicken-fried meatloaf, attracting mostly retirees. I eat there almost hourly.
So, when the LeBoeuf sisters wandered into Conrad's at 10:30 on Saturday night — well, yowsa. It was pretty much the most excitement our little town had seen since the Kiwanis installed that new flag pole over by the gazebo.
Suddenly, I must sound like Cheever or Brautigan, banging on the gates of great American literature. But theirs is the vibe I'm after, a sleepy little hollow suddenly alive with lust and laughter. Or at least laughter. Because, let me tell you, the wives were all keeping a pretty close eye on the LeBoeuf sisters in their fishnet tops — especially the wife I'm married to, who has eyes like a Cold War spy plane.
In fact, you'd think that if anyone could spot my missing car, it would be her. I could just hold her over my head like an ice dancer and trot her through several parking lots till she sighted it. I'd make the appropriate airplane noises. It'd be sort of fun.
We do that sort of stunt work a lot anyway, just to relieve the tension in our relationship, of which there is plenty: financial, emotional, sexual, financial, financial, financial.
We did, after all, just lose a $12 car.
Here's the thing: I don't think I lost the car so much as I merely misplaced it. No one would ever actually steal the Little German, for she explodes almost weekly. And like me, the car reeks of sauerkraut and leaves drip marks everywhere.
I am my car. My car is me. There is a small reward.
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Comment by clicking here.
Previously:
Sinatra would have called a plumber
Seedlings and saplings
A real bear amid the Cubs
In the first grade, life bubbles over
Take my one-liners, please
Just point the way and we'll march
An enchanted diorama in the 'burbs
America's next top Mama
Fires and gas leaks aside, we're just swell
Woozy on the lido deck of life
He's tickled to visit the doctor
A treat that could eat you
Making sense of March Madness
Save the queen, from Biden's motorcade
His daughter's becoming an adult, but is that a good thing?
Thin mints and fungo bats
You must be this tall to enter the ark
© 2010, Los Angeles Times Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services
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